London Lurker said...
I have downsized my life, did so in my late thirties after about 20 yrs with UC and overall I have been much healthier since. I really like to take time to "stop and stare". Over the past 3 years I stared to work long hours and study on top and bam, I have been ill again. I agree that we are obsessed with "doing" in the West. It seems like, if we can't answer the "what do you do" question, with a "do" related to a money earning activity, we tend to suffer from feelings of inadequacy and we easily feel guilty if we sit around enjoying the moment while there are chores that call to be done.
I decided to not have children as I doubted my body was really up to it and I did not want to make a child live with an ill parent as I grew up with a disabled parent and it was a lot of pressure. I am happy about my decision and have other children in the extended family to enjoy. I know people manage of course, and many women have no choice as IBD seems to often first flare during pregnancy or soon after.
I can see right now that it is tempting to sell up and live in a more hotel like environment. However, as others have said, maybe this isn't the right time? As for looking at things around the house and feeling you "have to fix them", do they really need to be sorted or is it more wanting everything to be perfect? It is possible to change your mind and way of thinking. My day job now is in cognitive behavioural therapy so I spend a lot of time with people who find they can change what needs to be changed but accept what really doesn't need to be changed.
Thank you so much for your response LL. I really enjoyed reading your perspective on things.
Does everything need fixed at my house? Not really. There are just things that bother me since I am extremely proud of my home (2nd one I built). I know moving into an apartment would free me from the same attachment I have to every detail of my home.
You may be right about
"maybe this isn't the right time?". However, it's incredibly hard to be in my situation. The drug that was keeping UC from flaring in me was allowing a chronic viral infection. Now I'm off the med temporarily, and in uncharted territory. If there is one thing that that I can count on, it's unpredictability with my health. The whole minimizing down thing basically allows me this: It allows me to be essentially frugally retired, so that when I go to work I'm earning money that I can put towards a purpose of my own, whatever it may be. Right now I feel like I'm just slowly gaining ground with finances, but also stuck being sick and not yet at a point where my authentic passions will shine through in my life.
I'll wait to decide on anything, but today has been a hard day and I needed to get these thoughts out of me.