You know, I've often wondered how hard it must be for those that go into remission as well though, I mean of course feeling "normal" again must be the greatest feeling but I can't help but wonder how it still must affect some people (especially like me who've started seeing things as the glass half empty instead of half full type of mentality) I mean, don't some people, as much as they enjoy their remission, always have a fear of when the disease will rear it's ugly head again? Don't get me wrong or anything, I want remission so bad because I just can't take much more of being sick, at the same time, this disease has affected me on an emotional and mental level so deeply over the years that I'm just scared about everything in general anymore....almost like I just don't know how to be happy no matter what because this DD has stolen happiness completely away from me.
If the Humira kickstarts you into remission (which I hope it does), then yes, it may not all be unicorns and rainbows. If there are any problems that you were sweeping under the carpet due to being so ill for so long, those are likely to resurface with a vengeance. Other possible causes of depression in remission are not feeling as fantastic as you expected and/or niggling physical problems which continue to plague you.
Me, I had severe depression lasting for almost a whole year after my surgery. Difficult and protracted withdrawals from Pred and Oxycodone made it even worse. I felt let down and disappointed; I constantly compared myself to other people, wondering why they were so energetic and well after their surgery, while I just felt like rubbish. I didn't have this boundless energy that other people claim they have after colectomy surgery.
Had to spend a whole year getting over the disappointment that I didn't feel like Superwoman after surgery. In the end I just had to try to cut myself some slack over it to save my sanity: I'd been desperately ill for years; the idiot doctors got me onto biologics far too late (not my current GI's fault, but the fault of the people before him); I had horrible meds to get out of my system; I have hypothyroidism; I'm pushing 40, having lost all of my 30s to Crohn's and being a shut-in; and so on.
I don't know if this will happen to you or not, but I actually missed being ill. The endless hospital visits, tests, and dealing with Crohn's gave me a focus in my life that I no longer had when I was in remission. My life felt empty and meaningless. I even had far less energy in a way, because I no longer had the artificial energy that steroids give you. If it does apply to you, then it will pass: you just need to give your body and mind a chance to adapt to the new circumstances. Some people adapt to change so much more quickly than others: I'm a very slow adapter.
Finally, the fear of relapse: I won't lie, this is one thing which bugs me still. I don't have the luxury of taking things for granted anymore; I did in that past and look where it got me. On the one hand I don't want to be asking for blood tests every time I get a stomach ache; on the other hand I'm terrified of the Crohn's wreaking havoc behind the scenes, so to speak. It did that once before with my colon; I'm ****ed if I'm gonna let it do the same thing with my small bowel!
With UC, surgery is a "cure". There are caveats, but I don't really care about
them: once your colon is gone, the UC is gone. It just is. But UC surgery folks still have to live with the fear of misdiagnosed Crohn's, I suppose, so it's not like they're entirely free of fear either. However the chances of UC really being Crohn's is about
2%. Even the indeterminate patients have a far better prognosis for j-pouch surgery than Crohn's colitis patients.
You just have to find a way of living with uncertainty. That actually applies to the whole of life, not just Crohn's disease, and I absolutely suck at it. However, I'm trying to suck a little less at it, so I can stop being paralysed with fear and take steps to move on with my life. Taking it one day at a time helps: if you think of the future, you can also think of ten million things which may go wrong. You can't second-guess life: what will go wrong will be the tenth million and one thing that you hadn't thought of. For that reason, I try not to live in the future any more than is absolutely necessary.
Actually, thinking about
it, I have just realised I'm far more scared of the depression
coming back than I am of the Crohn's. Crohn's makes it harder to be happy, but not impossible: depression actually makes it impossible. But if I stay at home and refuse to get out of bed in case anything I do triggers depression, it will probably just come back anyway. Being more active and getting out a bit more does seem to give a mental boost, although I don't push it too far.
As usual, I ended up writing a really long and meandering reply. I hope you can find something useful to take from it, pb4. I just hope you get into remission! Best of luck to you.
Edit: Holy crap, that post is like school essay size. Sorry :-/