I wanted to clarify and apologize for the "never seen someone go at it alone" comment, as I thought that was pouring gasoline on the fire. I hate to see people suffer.
What I meant was that social bonds strengthen someones desire to commit something... to go out there and do what they do and be passionate about
something. Being isolated doesn't mean that they can't do it... it's just a little more difficult and takes MORE courage than the regular person. You are stronger than the rest if you can do it that way, because 90% of the people I know don't have the courage to go at it alone. They lean on others and use them as crutches, which isn't wrong, but that inside fear is never addressed.
I do believe in the need for short term antidepressants, but at some point, we all have to face our greatest fears - these include past traumas, mental imprints. I recall you said you were bullied in the past, so you will have to explore some of imprints and see them objectively. Everyone with UC or a chronic illness has some level of PTSD whether they like to admit it not. Better to do deal with these fears now than later. It may be hell at first, but I can assure you that it slowly disappears (like in that video). Having a friend alongside you (like a counselor) helps tremendously.
For starters, crying is entirely normal for this process. It means you are not repressing emotion, which is worse than not crying or saying anything. You are expressing how you feel and that's a grounded start to your journey. You obviously write very well as people have said and know how to express your thoughts.
Meditation, mindfulness and bioenergetics (yoga, exercise, etc) all help bring out the repression in us. I know that when I started meditating, I went bats**t insane on my family. It brought out so much anger in me that I wasn't able to deal with it. Most of my family (as people have already guessed) are doctors an dthey have no understanding of reality and why people suffer).
Post Edited (Guardian7) : 6/27/2014 8:25:50 AM (GMT-6)