Posted 7/14/2014 7:46 AM (GMT -6)
I'm feeling pretty down right now & would just like some comforting words...
I took my last dose of methotrexate 2.5 weeks ago, as after just two doses it undid the good that my first two loading doses of Humira did & sent me back to diarrhea, bleeding, pain, fatigue, etc etc... about 9/10 days after the last dose I took of it, symptoms did improve a bit so I was feeling hopeful that my next dose of Humira would correct everything and start working well again. Unfortunately it's not the case, I took my next dose 4 days ago, and the last two days have been pretty bad again. Especially today, I'm bleeding again and the pain is so bad.
I'm feeling so, so down right now. Been flaring since December, and nothing has worked so far, besides pred & Humira for about two weeks. What's really getting me right now, is that I'm a PhD student (or should I say was...?)...I was doing so well, up until December, on track to finishing in great time. But for the last 7/8 months, I've barely done anything as I've been so unwell, which has set me way back and I don't know when I'll be able to finish now. Since December, I kept saying, "a few more weeks & I'll be getting on track again"...but as I keep trying more & more things, I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel anymore... I know I should give the Humira a little while longer, and I do have a few other options to try, but I feel like I'm going through drugs very quickly and running out of them.
When people ask me about it, I say all the right things "my health is more important, PhD can wait, it can be finished later, etc"... Which are all true, but in my head all this other stuff is there constantly. And no one seems to get it.
I'm lucky that my supervisor is quite understanding about the disease and isn't pushing me...but at the same time I'm thinking that my funding is running out very soon and then what...I can barely afford the drugs as is, never mind with no measly income.
And even if I do finish (in however long that might be), how am I going to be able to get a "proper" job with this...
I know people do do it and manage, and maybe I will be able to too...I just really need to vent and get all this out of me... As a lot of people with this disease, I thought I'd my whole life ahead of me, with my degree and a PhD under my belt by the time I was 25/26, and I feel like it's been shot down and it's hard to come to terms with it.
Sorry for the long post, just needed to vent...
Female, 25, Ireland.
Diagnosed by colonoscopy Aug '13 (Symptoms since end '11/start '12).
Colonoscopy May '14 showed moderate-severe pancolitis.
Flaring since Dec 2013.
Current medication: 3200mg Asacolon; Humira (started 29 May '14).
Previously: cortisol enemas, Asacolon supp, Zoton, Prednisolone (8 week course), Imuran (rash), 6MP (pancreatitis), methotrexate (made flare worse).