There's a part of the book It's OK That You're Not OK (really good book about
grief, tho not really about
chronic illness) that discusses the tendency of people to do this, and tries to shed light on why. While some people may just be jerks looking to sound smart, I think probably most friends/family are breaking out the bad advice because they want to help solve a problem for a loved one. It IS bad advice, it IS the wrong (and offensive, really) way to go about
it, but it's coming from a good place. That doesn't mean we should take it, obviously, just because people mean well. Meaning well isn't enough! They should have to think about
why they're trotting out advice without any thoughtfulness.
But it doesn't mean you have to educate them, either. I tend to choose my battles. My mom? My friends? We talk about
this kind of stuff a lot, and I tell them upfront if they're dispensing too much/unhelpful advice. (We are all pretty
pooping, tho.) My sister-in-law, tho? Who, after listening to me complain about
how unfair it was for insurance companies to use "pre-existing condition" to get out of paying for benefits*, shouted at me, "PHASE ONE DIET! My father's brother's sister's uncle's former roommate had colon cancer and it cured it." Yeah, not even gonna bother. I will vague with her harder than anyone else.
*dating myself here, hahaha
Diagnosed with pancolitis March 2003
[11 years of flare-funfair]
In remission since January 2014
Diet: IBD-AID August 2018-December 2019
Current meds: Imuran 100 mg/day, balsalazide disodium 750 mg 3xday, Rowasa enemas as needed
Current supplements: Calcium, Vitamin D, multivitamin
Current diet: Phasing out of/partial IBD-AID.
Past meds: Asacol, Pentasa, Prednisone