(No Subject)

Starting to feel like this is how I’ll eventually die. Whether is be from UC or medication for it. I know so many of you have gone through a lot worst than me. Mentally I’m not a strong person. I’m the lion out of the wizard of Oz. First sign of something wrong I think it’s a death sentence. I’ve been trying to breath. I’m trying to control my anxiety. It’s so hard on prednisone. I feel too mentally weak to fight. Can we die from this? I don’t have a lot of support, especially when this has been a silent illness for me for so long. Now dealing with the reality is hard for everyone in my family. Looking well definitely gives the impression you’re not sick. I still workout (lightly since being on prednisone) and try and keep my life as normal as it was but I find myself planning my funeral in my head or not being here for my kids

Change of scenery helps. Any diversion. It’s not a panacea but it helps me to cope.

Took 20 minutes to make a cup of coffee yesterday morning. Out of frustration, I ended up throwing the mug against the wall.

If I can get 5 minutes a day of hope and “normalcy”, it’s been a good day.

Today, after I see the doc, I’m blowing my leaves. I like to blow leaves. And I’ve learned to hold the blower in my right hand only. My left hand is too painful. But, I still like to blow leaves.

Talk to a therapist who understands about chronic illness. That helped me a lot.
Positive thinking never worked for me (there's a book called The Happiness Trap which explains why it's ok to have your "negative" thoughts).

TAA, the Anxiety & Panic forum here at Healing Well has some great links for anxiety you may want to check out. That forum is not active, but their resource page at the top is worth looking at.

Have you done any CBT, mindfullness or meditation? There are lots of good apps on phones, regardless of what you try it takes being consistent on a daily basis. I would get a referral for a therapist for talk therapy, that helped me more than anything. Our brain can play sick tricks on us with those thoughts.

It's easy to be thought of as "well you don't look sick to me" thing. Some people really don't want to hear about it, some don't know what to say, so they say nothing. At my worst I had so many people say, wow, how did you lose all of that weight, you look great. I lost way to much weight. Little did they know how sick I was not just physically but mentally. I was afraid to eat or drink because everything ran out the other end.

Don't sell yourself so short, you are stronger than you are giving yourself credit for.

One cannot remove negative thoughts at will or should not be told to think positively when in a state of depression or anxiety. One who is in a state of despair doesn't need more physical and mental responsibility. Those suggestions are not really (or rarely) helpful.
Talking about it does help, as does adding meds that can ease the depressive or anxious state to allow breaks in its consistency.

Having access to someone to talk to during and between episodes, as well as working to gain more information regarding medical options for UC, or other health issues, is hugely helpful for perspective... so that one doesn't remain in the cycle of being stuck in the thought of isolation and hopelessness.

TAA...you're connected here, a good thing. Yes, some have died from having UC... but those were ones who refused any medical intervention until it was too late, or by their own hand and indirectly given other circumstances. Most of us have been through the physical and mental crisis of functioning with UC while dealing with family and friends, etc. I was in therapy for a long while (severely dysfunctional family), lots of talk and Cognitive behavioural Therapy and biofeedback gave me hope to function. I have other health issues that require mental effort, but I have medical and other options that have allowed me to have some control. I'm struggling in other mental aspects, but they aren't medical.

What I'm saying is that our mindsets can be changed...however, it's a process, and for many of us it's a constant struggle. Information and options is the key. We gain that through research and asking questions and gaining some hope...realising that it's not all or nothing.

q

Yes...but its a learned process and usually without the offered thoughts for replacement. Otherwise, one NEVER gains the recognition of when the thought cycle actually starts, because they are so automatic. The initial thought is like in the middle of the onion and usually subconscious. The peel is the most obvious thought...eg, im going to eventually die from this. All the layers between is the cycle. One needs to learn where to eventually intervene...and that could be 10 irrational thoughts in the process, because the actual fear and thoughts isn't just just one thing. One always leads to another. Yes, replacing them all with a more rational thought process ...aka positive...leads to reality.

q