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Rooster story for laughs...

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Posted 7/21/2022 9:38 AM (GMT -8)
Well... I did it again. I can hear that song playing in my head... Sigh.... Another encounter with the rooster and his protege.

I was sick from my weekly dose of methotrexate and had to go pick up new meds. (It was twilight outside..) I remember thinking Ahhh..at least the roosters will be bedding down and won't mess with me.

I gathered up my umbrella and super soakers, (rooster defense mechanisms), car keys, wallet... Stuffed them into my walker and out to the car I started. I Turned on the porch and spot lights, I opened the door and 3 huge field trantulas were out there on the porch. They did not run away... They sat there looking at me - in a pattern where I could not get by. (The only things I hate more than those roosters are .....spiders... And snakes) I screamed like a little girl, the roosters cackled and flew up to the fence to watch me. (Darn..they were not bedding down and were now on full alert,) I ran back into the house cursing like a sailor and watched the clock... The pharmacy would close soon. I Peeked out the window... Spiders still there. opened the door and poked at the spiders... One ran up the umbrella and I dropped it outside... screaming like a banshee. I Slammed the door.... Looked at clock...opened the door, Grabbed the broom and jabbed at the spiders again.. They ran in-between the porch boards.

By this time I have started hyperventilating. I knew they were going to climb up my legs, under my shorts and I was gonna have to moon the cows... And it's gonna be like a Broadway musical....bright lights and lots of singing, with cursing... the main performer being center stage, leaping around, doing the spider shimmy with all the freaking lights on.... I gotta say....I almost hate mooning the cows and people driving by as much as those roosters...

I grabbed the twisted umbrella, gave it a good shake and brought it inside. Then a light bulb went off. Yes, I had a plan!! I have these sticky "critter catchers" . Peel off the top and lay them down. Spiders would climb on..be stuck.. and I don't have to worry about having to moon the cows. I grabbed 3 of them and put them on the front porch. Dashed back inside.... 35 minutes left. Peeked out the door. 1 huge field trantula put his legs on it. He's stuck!!! The other two had come out to watch the action. I opened the door and they fled. I wheeled by the spider, out to the garage and rushed to get my scripts. I'd deal with the spiders later.

Returning home I looked at the fence for the roosters, no sign of them. Such a relief. Now I just had the spiders between me and the door. Darkness had fallen. The house, pasture and fence was still lit up. I gathered all my items and strolled towards the front porch. 2 giant spiders were on the sticky critter catchers. Suddenly there was a flurry of feathers, my super soakers are going a mile a minute.... those roosters were all over the porch.... It was a free for all. (They'd been hiding under my front porch..plotting their ambush!)

Ultimately I had to call my neighbor to come get her roosters and help me peel off those "critter catchers". Folks... Those things are sticky. Do not get them attached to your skin -especially when they have a spider on them! My only solace is knowing that those two roosters are now missing some of their tail feathers..... Of course .....that doesn't compare with me missing half my eyebrow.

So this time it was a draw. Lol.. Hope you got a chuckle....

But seriously...how long can they live to? I loathe that rooster.

Clo

Post Edited (clo2014) : 7/21/2022 11:05:43 AM (GMT-7)

Posted 7/21/2022 2:24 PM (GMT -8)
OMG! You should have been a comedy writer clo! I hate spiders too and tarantulas give me the physical willies so I can only sympathize and know I would have done the same, imagining them crawling up the gaps and onto my legs as I walked by! I wouldn’t have had the courage to pick up one of those traps until the spiders were dead! Brrrrr! Willies just thinking about it!
Posted 7/21/2022 5:21 PM (GMT -8)
OMG OMG OMG!!! I always envision a comedy movie when I read your rooster stories, but that SPIDER story....! It's pure horror! My biggest animal related phobia is SPIDERS. Oh man, I don't think I'd ever leave the house again! I'd just stay in there until I starved or something! Oh wow.

I was hoping that the roosters would come over and kill the spiders! Your nemeses would turn out to be your saviours! But no.... They all ganged up on you instead.

Well, whether it's comedy or horror, you really tell a story well! Glad you survived.
Posted 7/22/2022 4:36 AM (GMT -8)
Chicken dinner with tarantulas on the side???

The rooster stories are funny, but throwing in tarantulas make me wonder why the hell you live there lol. At the first tarantula sighting I wold have had to burn down the house!

Glad you are ok!
Posted 7/22/2022 7:21 AM (GMT -8)
I’m with CC! Great story but I could not live with tarantulas!
Posted 7/22/2022 12:01 PM (GMT -8)
Wow...i can picture the whole event!! 😯🤣 I, too, was thinking the same about the roosters coming to your aid...alas, not!!
Next time, because the tarantulas are already planning revenge, maybe try the super soakers on them.
Relieved you survived 🕷🐓...
q
Posted 7/27/2022 1:16 AM (GMT -8)
Quite the drama filled story!

Did you end up getting to the pharmacy in time? The lifespan of roosters varies, they often die defending their ladies (from snakes, hawks, owls, weasels, dogs, etc), especially if they're not in a locked up coop at night. Most hens live 4-6 years on average, some longer. I'd guess half of that for roosters.

Most chicken owners would send an aggressive rooster to freezer-camp, become a soup or something. Not all roosters are jerks, some are sweet and some are total buttholes (a mix of individual personality and handling/rearing).
Posted 7/27/2022 8:35 AM (GMT -8)
I absolutely hate that rooster.... And his little sidekick.

Since they have discovered my porch, all the bugs under it, the shade it offers plus the cross winds that go under it....they've been coming over frequently.

I've worn out my super soakers AND my little hand water guns in the last week. We put a mesh wire around the bottom of the porch trying to discourage them... But they still come over daily to check it out. Then just for sh@ts and grins they hide around the darn corner and chase me back into the house. They leave my husband alone though..... I'm so mad at them!! I'm sorta glad they got those sticky things caught on their tail feathers and we had to tear them off!!! It was worth losing half an eyebrow! Lol... Although I'm not very good drawing the other half in--it looks like I'm asking a question all the time. Lol....

I told my neighbor she has got to put him in his cage all the time or leash him!

Clo
Posted 8/14/2022 5:22 PM (GMT -8)
Hey, Clo! Any new rooster stories ... like did you have an excellent chicken dinner lately? smile

Hope you are doing well!
Posted 8/15/2022 8:57 AM (GMT -8)
Oh my... Those 2 roosters and I.

They are persistent in trying to get back under my front porch,!! They have started cackling and singing their displeasure in the middle of the night. Last week or so we were so desperate for sleep we went out and opened the corner so they could get under the porch. I also pulled the hose onto the porch so I could squirt them from above once they got under there. (I thought a little negative reinforcement might change their little minds.,) They were under there happily cackling away at the smorgasbord when I started to gleefully cackle my response, and laughing like a loon, turned on the hose to squirt them.

OMG....It was the fiasco from hell!

The spiders were coming up between the decking to get away from the chickens, I was screaming like a fiend and jumping about trying to avoid the spiders. My toe got caught in the bird netting I had put up, the netting tangled around my feet, I fell down, the netting wrapped around me like a darn cocoon and tore it down from the top of the porch. The spiders were then able to crawl on me and I could not get them off. My spouse was laughing so hard he couldn't hardly do anything. I was screaming like a banshee and cussing like a sailor. My spouse wanted to go in to get scissors to cut the netting off and I was threatening him that if he left me out there with those spiders....he was in for a world of hurt. I told him to just keep that darn hose pointed at me so the spiders wouldn't get me.

15 minutes had passed by in a blink of an eye... And suddenly car lights pulled into our yard. It was the police!!! (Earlier that day I had complained to the police that the kids were having drag races in front of our house going over 70 miles an hour on Sunday nights at midnight and they needed to stop it before those kids hurt themselves. They'd already lost control, gone into the ditch right in front of my house and taken out/crashed into my mail box.)

So there I was.... trussed up like a hog in a fish net stocking rolling around the porch screaming and cursing like a sailor while my spouse "watered" me with the hose. OMG!!! I almost blinded the police with my big ol butt sticking out and that netting. The police had to go in to my kitchen to get scissors so they could cut the netting off because I was not going to let my husband stop squirting me. Those spiders were everywhere. Water was the only thing keeping them off! That darn rooster was down there just smacking away.. and the policeman and woman could barely hold it together. Their shoulders were shaking and they were trying so hard not to laugh out loud.

We finally got the netting off.... And those racing kids drove by and honked... Honked... At us and waved. To add insult to injury the darn roosters are still under my porch.

I hate that rooster. I feel like a cross between that poor cartoon coyote and Elmer Fudd. Now I gotta hang more netting to keep them off the porch and figure out a way to get them out.

But the good news is they didn't spur me! ...well except to spur me on to even greater feats of madness. Lol.

Hope my latest gave you all a giggle!

Clo

Post Edited (clo2014) : 8/15/2022 12:21:51 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 8/15/2022 9:14 AM (GMT -8)
OMG! The joys of country life? 🤣

Maybe you should just “accidentally “ pen that rooster under your porch until he gets big and fat on a diet of spiders.

I can’t believe you got all tangled up in that netting! And that would have been a tough choice for me — spiders or cold water spraying on me. I probably would have gone for the “tear the whole porch off while trying to get away from spiders” approach. 🤣🤣🤣
Posted 8/15/2022 9:20 AM (GMT -8)
OH NO OH NO!! I was already laughing from the anus/anex post and now this....! I would be screaming too if there were spiders crawling over me! AUGH! My biggest nightmare! Give me roosters any day over spiders!

And caught in netting... and the police show up!!! They had to cut you out of the netting...!!! Only these things could happen to you! Someone needs to create a sitcom based on your experiences. Except it would be dismissed as so farfetched, it would be beyond the limits of believability.
Posted 8/15/2022 11:19 AM (GMT -8)
I've decided that the roosters can stay under my porch for awhile... Until they clean out the bugs and spiders. I'll just super soak them if they come at me while on the way out to the garage/barn.

We haven't been putting poison under the porch because it makes my husband uncomfortable thinking about poison, my being a barefoot klutz, and Crohn's. Once the roosters clean it out we have agreed to start using poison under there.

The netting was to keep the roosters and the swallows out of the porches. Once it got tangled around me we could not get it off. It was like that plastic wrap. The swallows should have left by now.. but of course they haven't so new netting went back up.

OMG.... Even I am laughing at this one. The worse part is the 2 police officers live right down the road. I went down to the post office and ran into the male officer. He immediately started grinning and asked how my toe was. Lol... Cheeky young man. I told him my toe was fine. I was just hoping that he didn't see my granny panties but was thanking God that it wasn't "thong" night. You should have seen him sputter. I'm not sure who blushed more--him or I.

At least my neighbors all are kind to me, laugh with me thru my shenanigans and offer help when I get the short end of the stick. The roosters owner brought me over some chicken stew while I am hobbling around. I told her she should have waited til she had the right chicken to put in the pot.... Lol...

But that rooster and his little side kick... I loathe them. Every time I have had a very embarrassing episode has been when that rooster got the best of me.

Clo

Post Edited (clo2014) : 8/15/2022 12:23:02 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 8/15/2022 11:36 AM (GMT -8)
Is your home owners insurance up to date? If so, I suggest a flame thrower to get the spiders and the roosters one and for all.

I would have died if I was laying there with spiders crawling every where.

The funniest part of this saga was the teens who drove by and honked as they were speeding away lol ... you can tell you live in a small town. In my part of the country, the cops would have left me lay and went after those law breaking, disrespectful teenagers lol
Posted 8/15/2022 11:47 AM (GMT -8)
I know. For a moment I was unsure if I should be upset at the honking kids, the spiders or the roosters.... Like one supercedes the other.

I'm just grateful it wasn't a snake. Lol. Gotta count your blessings.
Posted 8/15/2022 12:37 PM (GMT -8)
LOL...i suspect the roosters have waaay too much fun over at your place.

Why the poison?

q
Posted 8/15/2022 3:16 PM (GMT -8)
I want to get rid of the spiders and bugs. No spiders and no bugs equals no roosters demanding entrance under the porch.

They are still under there cackling away. But they are sticking their little heads out where I can see the giant wolf spiders hanging half way out of their beeks. Apparently I hate spiders more than mean roosters. I put a water bowl in there and shut the corner. They aren't coming out til those spiders are gone!

I just hope the heat doesn't kill them. There's no way I could crawl under a spider porch and get their carcasses out.... And the stink would be awful. Gotta go. I'm gonna put a fan by the porch to keep them cool while they are eating the spiders....
Posted 8/15/2022 3:27 PM (GMT -8)
Here my Plymouth barred rock hens are the sweetest things that follow me around the yard like puppy dogs, and fly up on my lap. Cute when it's a tiny peeping fuzz ball, not as cute when it's a 6+ pound laying hen. It's a symbiotic relationship, as people attract biting flies and mosquitoes, and hens eat them.

They do remember places where they've found food and shade, both very desirable things if you're poultry.
Posted 8/15/2022 6:05 PM (GMT -8)
Our neighbors other hens are nice. They don't chase me or try to spur me, and they will let me hold or pet them. Just that rooster and his side kick are mean. I guess he thinks he's protecting his territory.

But for now they are under my porch with fresh ice water, a fan and lots of bugs and spiders. My neighbor came over and said that at this rate they won't want to go back home.....

She asked if I wanted her to bring over a few of the hens.... I said no. I was scared they would get out. I closed up the wire on the porch and locked them in over night because there are coyotes that roam our combined 40 acres and I didn't want them eaten on my watch. I'll probably let them out in the morning. Maybe then they will want to go home?

Any suggestions on how to make friends with these 2 birds and on how to get them to stay at home? Our neighbor lets all her chickens free roam all over. The hens do come over onto our pasture but not clear over to our yard. (Only the roosters do that.)
Posted 8/15/2022 6:44 PM (GMT -8)
Dress appropriately, jeans, boots, heavy gloves. Have the owner catch the rooster. Have them pass the rooster to you and make sure you have a tight grip on the wings. Carry him around. You're asserting dominance. You're in control and he's unable to move. If you're holding him in front of the others it's even better, everybody knows you're the boss.

This video https://youtu.be/i91ccqwnngg?t=571 at 9m:30s shows putting him against the ground and putting his beak on the ground. That's what other roosters do to assert dominance. Do this a few times to reinforce.

Don't run or turn your back on a rooster. As they'll attack and chase.
Posted 8/15/2022 6:54 PM (GMT -8)
Thanks!! Ok. I am going to try that. Cross your fingers,!!
Posted 8/15/2022 8:05 PM (GMT -8)
Why not put lattice around your porch to keep the critters out? We live in town & had a shed built that is up off of the ground, we had the guy put lattice up to keep it critter free underneath.

I usually have a possum or two on the fence, they are always good to around.
Posted 8/15/2022 9:48 PM (GMT -8)
Ohhhhh I cannot wait for the next story!

CLO DOMINATRIX OVER ROOSTER!

🤣🤣🤣

Put yer spurs on clo!
Posted 8/16/2022 12:40 AM (GMT -8)
LOL...and here I thought that the water, never ending big fat spiders and fans to keep them cool would win them over. Makes sense becoming their (above coined) Dominatrix... yep, waiting for that story soon.

q
Posted 8/16/2022 7:29 AM (GMT -8)
That's what I thought Quincy! If catering to their every need, making a nice little air conditioned hotel for them complete with room service in the form of spiders, doesn't win them over then I don't know what will!!
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