Posted 1/19/2023 4:58 AM (GMT -8)
I unfortunately can't minimize contact with this person too much. I run a large research facility at a university and this person is a major user of the facility. We have also been friends for 20 years, since we were in grad school together (although as far as I'm concerned, the friendship is over). These two things seem to make him think he can overstep. I have tried to talk to him about it to no avail. My supervisor really told him off once, I have spoken to his department chair, and that helped some, but he always seems to behave for a while then start up again. I also talked to the university ombudsperson who agreed his behavior was bullying in nature, but because it's not related to my gender, religion, etc., there's no university policy to point to (which she agreed needs to change).
Anyway, it's a huge mess, and it's not a constant stress. It's that when he decides to pick at me, it's severe. Given that we used to be friends, it's especially upsetting and harder to deal with than if we hadn't been friends prior.