How IBD can impact you during stressful situations-, another funny farm story

Yesterday I went to a little farmers lunch. It was outside. The seatings were pretty far apart. There were little heaters spaced around the gathering. The "old timers" were discussing (1) the new "city-slickers" moving in on the lots in the new subdivision they were building on....and (2) the new property owners that had bought big tractors cause they thought it was a "farm or ranchette" when it was a half acre or an acre lot and (3) how their children did not understand the concept that private property was private and you should never trespass...although recently they'd heard stories that some of the kids had learned that lesson the hard way.... And finally.....the ways they could help these "city slickers" before someone else got hurt because they just didn't understand farm life...... At that moment their heads all swiveled to look at me.... hmmmmm...and they started grinning from ear to ear. I suddenly realized--they knew a little something about something. Yes... Yes.... There's been yet another Clo farm adventure. I of course had to get up to do my part...ie; explain, charm and make them laugh. I broke out in a sweat before standing to offer my explanation because Rosie (my stoma) has not been acting politely lately plus she has forgotten how to use her inside voice....(but then again we were outside...) Rosie decided to pass gas and grumble and make noise so fast that those nearest to me received the full audio enjoyment. Mortified I looked down at the table, saw 2 spoons and wondered how quickly I could tunnel my way home, but instead.... I pointed to the general Rosie area and introduced her to them by explaining she was being difficult. They kindly listened and nodded but I could tell.... For most of them... This was old news... They wanted the "good stuff". I tell ya--they are addicted to my exploits by now.

A few nights ago the newbie local kids were racing up and down in front of my house... They'd been very mischievous lately..... They had removed solar lights that marked a driveway from the driveway posts and moved them down 6 or 8 feet to another area. Then they sat and watched to see if the property owner would turn into the wrong area designated between the misplaced lights and drive down into the ditch.....

Ok...this one did make me chuckle so hard I almost wet my pants. The ditch isn't that deep...lol... But I still don't know if the owners went into that ditch because I was trotting down the road with my walker to warn them and they were trying to wave me off.... or if they were trying to identify the wild woman that kept stopping her walker, waving her arms in the air and screaming YaaaaWhooooo??? Hello? Can you hear me now,? ) In my defense--I was trying to warn them!!! .....even if I was howling with laughter..... And puleeeze.. they've lived there for long enough they should know where their and their neighbors driveways are!

The kids had also moved stuff around in yards...... so you had to hike and find it.... It's been challenging. They are smart, quiet and they haven't been caught yet.... so things seemed to be escalating with this group of teen agers. I was sorta "lying in wait" for them. I thought I had plans.

So....I was trying to sleep and they were having drag races in front of my house--but I decideed I was not calling the police that night. Someone else could. Suddenly I heard someone on my porch, so I grabbed my walker with the squeaky wheels and trotted as fast as possible to the front of the house. Eeeeekkkkk.... Eeeeekk..eeeeekkkk....the wheels screeched..... And I could hear the kids, whispering and walking off the porch around to the back windows. It was 1030 or 11 at night and I was wondering what they were doing? I could hear them.. going round the corner... I whipped the walker around, digging around inside for anything I could use to protect myself. Eeeeeeek eeeeeeek eeeeeek... Those Darn wheels were telling exactly where I was...but no worries. I now was armed with a can of manual pump hair spray in one hand and a Twinkie in the other....I was ready...as long as it was just the obnoxious kids and not burglars. They were trudging around to the back.

I could feel my intestines going wild. I was cursing the giant bump in my eye impacting my vision, the bad knees that make the likelihood of me actually catching or running away from these intruders nearly impossible... Yet still..... Back I went. Eeek eekk....eeeek.. I wheeled around the corner of my bedroom and my Gosh... The screen was torn! I screeched like a banshee.... Yelling out.... I'm armed. I'm armed!! you better run away.... While calling 911and tossing the device inside the seat of my walker. I heard them turn around towards the other side of the house, away I went struggling to keep up with them....eeeek eeeek eeek... Oh no!!! Another screen was torn!!! I'm so mad at this point, I actually primed the hairspray pump just in case. I was not going down without a fight.... 3rd bedroom... I finally see a head silhouette in the window. I spewed warnings like a mighty volcano until I turned and saw a 3rd person running down my driveway with a flashlight bobbing up and down like a dog's tail.. The lights Whipping from place to place... And more whispering and a voice saying.. Damn you've torn all the screens. Someone's gonna be mad at you. Why'd you pick this house to vandalize or try to get into? We gotta get outta here before she comes out with a gun or calls the police .... I could hear them escaping towards the truck that I could see parked in the road. Eeek eeek eeek... I wheeled towards the front door... I'm totally ticked by now. Who's gonna pay for these damages? I trotted down the driveway towards the man who was trying to get in his truck screaming..... Stop I'm armed!!! Don't make me use this!!!!! The man stops and puts his arms up in the air... I told him... Do not move until the police get here. Not a word.

I was frantically looking for at least two more people. They were No where in sight..... I could see what I thought was the police car hauling butt with blue lights flashing. They stopped in the roadway. I turned towards the guy with his hands in the air, saw the police open their door, but suddenly there were two sets of steps behind me. My head was whipping around trying to place everyone. I suddenly realized that behind me there was now a mule standing there trying to get to me.. And I screamed towards the police car..... OMG.... Look at the giant jack a55!!! Get back you jack a55.... The guy by the truck moved so I bellowed I'm armed... Don't make me use it.... The police are now crouched by their cars .. the donkey wrestled the Twinkie from my fingers, I dropped the hairspray, The police came racing towards the lady with the walker.... And the darn kids sped outta there like their tails were on fire!!! And it was not even the police!!! It was the water guy that left the gate to the farm across the street open and the animals escaped. His "accomplice" friend was trying to help him round the animals up before his boss found out....

To add insult to injury That darn donkey was eating my lucky Twinkie thru the screen he already had stuffed in his mouth! But Thankfully the employee had called the police when I was chasing the "accomplice" and explained that he'd let out 49 acres worth of animals...and they'd been sneaking around trying to round them up...although they had no idea exactly how many there were. The police pulled up braying like my new found friend and asked me if I wanted to help catch and put all the animals back up with my 4 wheeler instead of my walker. I reached inside my walker seat to talk to the dispatcher and realized it was my T.V. remote in there. I'd changed the channel to 91, 19 and then 11. What a night.

I did get in the four wheeler to help the young men for awhile... Until I was turning around in the neighbor's "driveway" and got stuck in their ditch....right beside their lights....that had been moved to a new place.....LOL.

So.. please remember that when you are battling your disease, or facing an unexpected crazy challenge (for example..someone that's telling you to freeze with a can of hairspray and a twinkie in their hand, or a donkey that eats screens, or kids learning new jobs and how to respect others property,) it's teaching you things about yourself you sometimes thought you'd never be capable of.

For me... It's laughing at myself. What is it for you?

Clo

Post Edited (clo2014) : 1/20/2023 10:39:33 AM (GMT-8)

Ditto CC's questions...thanks for the suspenseful stories, 😲!

q

I'm still unsure if those kids cut the screens or if the donkey was responsible. Everyone seemed to think that the donkey tore them when he pressed his head against the screens and the extra people I'd heard walking around was actually just the donkey and the 1 kid. The other 2 kids were supposedly down the road in the cow pasture seeing if the llamas and donkey were in there... Could be true ..but they did get in their truck and leave as soon as the other friend showed up. But....He said he was scared....cause I was chasing him and told him I was armed and to freeze... I told him I was scared cause he trespassed at night, but I was so mad because of the shenanigans that had been happening lately that I grabbed my hairspray and a Twinkie to throw at them... I also told him that someone else may have really hurt him...instead of chasing him using a walker carrying a bottle of hairspray and a darn twinkie....while trying to make him wait for the police. He said he was just so scared and could only think about getting away from it all.....and that he'd never go on anyone's land without permission again.

The screens are 10 years old and they were very flimsy because of the wind storms they'd survived. We were going to replace the screens this summer....

These ranchers/farmers/small town police departments seem so trusting....and forgiving. No need to ruin someone's lives with police reports when you can handle it with the parents when parents and kids are trying to do the right things.. If it were my kids I'd hope for the same thing.... Even if there was a possibility that they were up to mischief.. As a parent I'd watch them like a hawk going forward. So... I get it.

The kids are going to come by and fix the screens with me next week. I did get offered free lawn mowing for next summer and fall to say they were sorry for scaring me-which I turned down. Instead they are helping with the screens and painting "No trespass" signs. (I was trying to make it relevant to their actions) I did question why they were out that late still "gathering" animals if what the kids said was true about helping the "friend" round them up.....but upon checking...there really was a leak in the water pipe that runs in the donkey, horse and llama pasture.....and the kids do help out at the rural water district - helping to dig holes and stuff, and they said they'd been trying to round up all the animals since they'd gone in to help dig and mistakenly left the gate wide open..but were having a hard time catching all of them....and 2 of the llamas were still out running around..and that giant jacka55 was still out too. So their story sounds legit.. The 5 of them are sticking to that story.

Their parents have brought them up to apologize. They are the newbies kids....running amuck out in the country..trying to fit in.. (If true they sound much like me) The one boy said I heard him talking to the donkey... which got away when I told him to freeze. He was the only one in my yard and pasture. The walking around was the sound of the donkey and he didn't get anywhere near my windows... But he was going to ring my doorbell to ask if I'd seen a donkey and if he could look around....when he saw the donkey by the back of my house and tried to lead him out of my yard. And yes that was exactly what he said to the donkey while getting it out of my yard...

They and their parents have tried to jump right into the local community by helping with various things...the local small water district, the food pantry and the local volunteer fire department are the ones they told me they are concentrating on.

I only know for sure that the donkey was eating my screens. And I that I got stuck in the same place someone had moved the driveway indicators to....and I'd tried to warned the neighbors about. Whomever did that one... chose well. Just enough sloop by the portion of the ditch that has a small Culvert and stays slurpy for days after a rain.... Sigh. I should have remembered. The kids that apologized swear it was not them. I can only take them at their word.

The Twinkie.... It's was my "lucky charm". I promised myself I'd finally get to eat a Twinkie while in remission one day..... I got that as a "gag" gift...from my niece. I was gonna throw the Twinkie to distract them.... And spray them with the hairspray if I had to.. one of them did call the police department... That's why the police showed up. They we're scared someone would hit the animals while driving down the road. Because my calls to 911 were on the TV remote my calls didn't go thru. Just the kids. So everything was a giant mess. One that is not funny ha ha but funny in an ironic sort of way.

The get together was to set up a neighborhood watch program. The newbie parents thought it was an opportunity to get to know their neighbors, educate themselves about the local culture and find out what had been going on in the neighborhood and try to help out. Very very proactive these parents. I do commend them. They knocked on doors, used the neighbors riding arena, and are really trying. A handful of the newbies came...and all the "old timers" that live on my stretch of the road were there.

So maybe things will get better. The funny part of the story was supposed to be about me getting stuck in the same place I'd tried to warn my chicken neighbor about.... That I then drive into and got stuck in. The most amazing thing? When I was so upset about my screens and trying to get out the front door, shoving my walker in front of me... (So you know the kids weren't moving that fast....)... My knees weren't hurting as badly.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Clo

Post Edited (clo2014) : 1/20/2023 9:11:05 AM (GMT-8)

All the additional explanation does cast a very different light on everything. Sounds like the kids are good at heart. Now I can laugh at the story without also worrying about you. Twinkie and hair spray as weapons... I love it. I have grabbed odd things before when scared in my house, but never a Twinkie.

Sorry for not adding the filler... The story just kept getting longer....

And longer....

Lol

Yah I wouldn’t say that a Twinkie or hair spray would be my go-to- weapon of choice. But whatever’s handy right? LOL

Your police have an Andy Griffith/Mayberry style ... Texas sized Mayberry lol

That's cool that you are working with those kids. The bad ones may be a problem until the parents are befriended so they feel like they are part of the community ... a Texas sized community

I like the Andy Griffith show. Things were so simple then. Not that I want to go backwards, but now everyone is so busy with their own lives that many have no real sense of community,

Ok moving furniture and a chicken coop so you have to drag it back is more than mischievous IMO. It’s annoying and frustrating. And more work than you need.

I love Andy Griffith too!

SN,
Thank you. That means a lot to me. So far my books have been written for my grandchildren. They are older now... But sometimes they want me to write another story so they can see what their favorite characters are up to.

FG
Thankfully the chicken pen is a very small box like hut on two wheels. We found the plans online. We thought we'd get some chickens of our own this spring... But maybe not. Gosh I wish I was skinny enough and small enough to hide in it and scare the daylights outta them!! LOL... Could you imagine?

CC,
If your work has prescription on it and they allow you to sign up for it after retirement (and the rate isn't too high) it might be worth having both. I'm not positive but.... If they assign you to a med that's an injectable, Medicare currently doesn't cover meds/injectables, so your company prescription policy would cover it and because it is a "commercial" insurance and not government, you should be eligible for the assistance programs. That's how it was presented to me in 2022...but things could change.... And as a commercial insurance they could have the steps program.... But worth considering. I have not considered going with any advantage plans. Some of my family members are in medicine.. some in medical billing.... And they have all stressed that I need to stay away from the advantage plans. So I am following your research on it closely.

Today I went over to "help", (which really means watch), the set up. These people are pretty ingenious. They are using bales of hay.. the rectangle ones...to build work stations. The are staging the animals for easy access... And our mini rollable chicken coop is over there so they can toss the mean roosters in so we don't have to worry about covert attacks occuring. That darn rooster and his side kick (who is no longer little) jumped up and beat their wings around the fencing as I was walking around it. Yep! I still hate those roosters!!!

And I'm on my way to Walmart to buy a new remote. I'll have to remember my safe spot cause it's a good one.... The remote is safely hidden from me. Lol...

Clo