for the family

i'm 22 and still covered by my father;s heath insurance, i also happen to have the sweetest, more understanding family in the word. they do not, for one second, think that my colon problems are my fault (neither do i). but i am RACKED with guilt about the hospital costs, special GI doctors, tests, pills, everything--i'm just working part time while I do an internship (post college). i HATE how much pain i have caused them. every time my stomach hurts or they have to take me to the hospital, the pain is so evident on their face. and i know i should feel lucky that i have parents who are so involved, but i HATE HATE HATE that i put the through so much emotional and financial. and they would hate to hear me say this--they try to hide it from me...but i just feel terrible about a)making them worry and b) the money. can anyone else relate?

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diagnosed with cecal volvulus, 2006; two colon resections in the same year
diagnosed with colitis 2007

I'm 29, married, unemployed and my family is still paying for my health bills. My parents are the most wonderful people in the entire world. My insurance sucks beyond belief and my parents don't think it's right that we should have to pay so much becuase I can't get covered. They have supported me through ten years of college (dropping out constantly becuase of flares). When my meds were $1000 a month they bought them for me. They love me and I am so grateful for everything they have done, not just finacially. Through ten years of this diesease they have been there for me. My mom still goes to every appointment with me.

The guilt is unavoidable. I feel like a burden. I know they don't see it that way but I feel at this age I should be abel to take care of myself. My husband also feels the guilt. He wants to be able to support me himself (and without all the medical bills we would be pretty comfy). My family has the money which helps with the guilt. I just make sure to do everything I possible can for them. I drive them to the airport, do some research for my computer inept dad, make sure to be available when they have service peopel coming to the house and need someone to wait for them....anything i can do for them.

There is nothing anyone can do to stop parents worrying. The look on their faces is one that says they wish they were the sick ones instead. Theya re going to worry. That is why my mom is at evey appointment i go to. Its why i have coffe with my dad once a week just to talk and show hime I am doing ok. Being involved keeps some of the worry at bay.

It's hard not to feel guilty but I think we will understand this better once we have kids (if that is in your life plan), i don't think we can fully understand the love our parents have for us and how they see us, not as a burden in anyway, but as a part of them. I know my parents would worry more if they were not contributing. They would worry about my finances and insurance. So now i just try to pay them back in kind with love and favors.

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Kelly, 29

Left sided UC diagnosed 1/98 age 19, Pan colitis diagnosed 1/07
Currently on 4x3 Asacol, Rowasa every other night, back to 30 mg pred.
Waiting for prometheus test to start Immuran
Prontonix once daily for acid reflux, zofran twice daily for nausea

Great story, Carol!

Part of being a human being is the joy that come from being able to help others. Truly. And part of being a member of a family is the joy of being able to help family members -- perhaps THE most important people on the planet to each of us.

It isn't your fault that you're sick. Your parents understand that. They WANT to help. Like one of you said, they only wish they could take your illness on themselves to relieve you of it. I would imagine most every parent would feel that way about their child.

Try not to dwell on it. Just recognize and appreciate the gift you get from them. I personally don't know where in the world I'd be without my family, since I get so very much support, encouragement and love from them.

Mitz

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Sporadic proctitis since 1985. Mother had UC, then J-pouch surgery 1983.
DX'd with clostridium difficile in 2000. Prednisone, two courses of Flagyl, then Vancomycin -- symptomatic with UC after that.
Colonoscopy in 2001 dx'd left-sided UC. Treated with prednisone, Rowasa, Asacol. Switched to Imuran. Two small flares, 2002 and 2005, and 2007.
Gall bladder attack 6/13; ultrasound showed stones; surgery soon.
100 mg Azathioprine, Rowasa retention enema (nightly) and 225 mg Effexor XR.

birdiem, I am the mother of bratcat who has UC. PLEASE DON'T FEEL GUILTY. I know my husband and I would do anything to "make it all better" for bratcat (and her siblings) anytime they are hurting. The pain you see from your parents is seeing their own child hurting. It's wonderful that they are there for you. Let them be there. You are not a burden to them. You are their child and they will always want to protect you (no matter how old you are). There is also an underlying sense of guilt that parents have when things go wrong for their children. Be it UC, needing glasses, learning disabilities, not being good in sports...you get the picture. We know it is usually a stupid guilt to have but it is there nonetheless. You're only 22. I know you are becoming an independent adult but give yourself some more time. Even if it is a financial or emotional "burden" on your parents (which I doubt they see it that way), I am sure they wouldn't have it any other way.