Big Lucy - Im sorry to hear your so down. I know exactly how you feel. I have been flaring now for 3 years. Cant get off steroids, and am taking more than 50 tablets a day. ITs very depressing but I keep saying to myself that I will reach remission one day and when it finally happens, I will appreciate it all the more!
Try and see the light at the end of the tunnel. Hopefully, things will improve real soon.