I can't believe it!!!!!! It's starting AGAIN!!!!!!

So, for the past year I've been consumed by my illnesses, being hospitalized, not working, meds, the pain, etc. that I actually took a break from it all this past month--I took a break from the internet, told my friends to talk about anything else than my health, kept my stress level as low as I could get it, went out more w/friends when I felt I was having a good day, started an exercise program, taking all the pills, potions, and spells I have been advised to take aaaaaaaaaand I'm starting to FLARE!!!!!! Yes, folks, it's happening---AGAIN. O.k., I'm not on a ledge looking down and thinking, but I AM TIRED. This is totally rhetorical, but, what does one have to do; what did I do in a past life to deserve this; how long can someone feel bad day in and day out without "giving up"; what does this all mean, I'm I suppose to learn some kind of lesson here; am I suppose to write a memoir and go on Oprah? Oh, how I miss the days when I didn't have to put enless pills down my throat and medication up my anus (oh the humiliation, you proctofoam people know what I mean, could they have made the applicator any smaller?). I miss eating without thought, I'm not talking cheeseburgers here, I'm talking about just eating a potato and wondering, hummm, is this going to hurt? I could go on, but my point has been made--vent.

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Dx Ulcerative Colitis 1999; IBS; CP: Asacol x3 x3/day, Rowasa, Proctofoam, Prilosec, Bentyl, Prozac, Endocet (as needed), multi vit, probiotic, fish oil caps x2/day, calcium 1200 mg./day, Prednisone (off/on, unfortunately).

although i can't totally understand--no one knows how you feel but you--i have been very depressed recently too. i don't have UC, i have colitis (among other things) that has put me in and out of the hospital. every time i get a test done they find something else wrong with me--but they can't figure out why. for example, i have colitis and all the symptoms of UC but t is not exactly UC. but they don;t know what it is. i know how hard all this medical shiznatch can be. the one thing that makes me feel better is this forum and knowing that other people are going crazy too :). i don't know what else to say, but my thoughts are with you and i want you to know that, although you have an individual case, you are not alone.

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katie
22
diagnosed with cecal volvulus, 2006; two colon resections in the same year
diagnosed with colitis 2007
malrotated colon
no cecal valve, removed during surgery

VSL #3
Flagyl to slow gastric emptying

Vent all you want! That's what we are here for. What you are experiencing is part of the grieving process for this disease - anger, frustration, the why mes?? I have been down that road too and it's a tough road to go up. I hope you realize that this is NOT your fault, you had done NOTHING wrong to get this. It happened just because. Even if we are good little boys and girls, no matter how faithful we are to our meds - Uc can still come back at any given time and slap us in the face. I know what you mean when you say your tired. So am I. Has surgery ever been discussed with you? If your mental aspect of this disease is wearing you down to the point that you can't function, then it might be something to consider. But in the meantime, we are here for you.

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Big Lucy - Im sorry to hear your so down. I know exactly how you feel.  I have been flaring now for 3 years.  Cant get off steroids, and am taking more than 50 tablets a day. ITs very depressing but I keep saying to myself that I will reach remission one day and when it finally happens, I will appreciate it all the more!

Try and see the light at the end of the tunnel. Hopefully, things will improve real soon.

Oh do I ever understand what you're saying! We try SO hard to follow the "rules" and stay well and then that next flare just grinds on you :( Sigh... Depressing...

Might be a good time to have a heart to heart with your doc. Maybe a change in meds would help? Vent all you need - it really does help! And best of all - we actually understand!!!

Best of luck to you!

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Pan-colitis and GERD diagnosed May 2003

 

Asacol 12 per day,  Azathioprine 75mg, Rowasa and Canasa as needed

Aciphex, Effexor XR, BCP, Rhinocort nasal spray

Culturelle, Biotin, Folic Acid, Forvia, Calcium, and B12

 

Osteopenia (hip and spine) from prednisone use.  Started Azathioprine because I was steroid dependent.

 

Co-Mod for the UC forum

Keep HealingWell running smoothly:  www.healingwell.com/donate

Thanks for all for the responses.  Red--yes, I've discussed surgery, the thing is I would have to have a permanent bag, b/c my rectum (controls bowel function) is effected and I'm just not ready for that.  The most interesting thing my GI told me years ago when surgery was explored was, we can cut out the affected portion now, but there is a risk of the disease resurface in another part of the colon b/c they do not know the etiology of it.  My added bonus is that I am also Dx with IBS and I am in the middle of a double dose of misery right now--both illnesses are acting up.