Afraid to date

Well i cancelled another date at the last minute tonight because my stomache was hurting and i have major gas.The fact that ive been having to pull over on the side of the road and  go to the bathroom in a tub in my backseat this past week on my way to work hasnt calmed the nerves much either.  Im afraid it will happen on the date. Guess im destine to work, take care of my son and stay home and have no life. Anyone feel the same?

I did feel that way once. It took time to get through. My symptoms started getting better (it took awhile) and i got more confident. I then happened to meet a man who was very compassionate. After a few weeks i told him about my UC and explained some about it. As i wasn't havent' as many symptoms it was easier. As of last thursday we have been married 4 years. I have been in a flare for the past year and this is his first taste of a big flare. I think he has been more scared than anything. I keep waiting for him to say this isn't what he signed up for but he never even comes close.

There are many people out there who will understand. It takes time to be comfortable enough with ourselves to date...sounds like at the moment you are having some problems (doesn't sound like remission to me...sorry) but with meds, diet, whatever you feel you need, things will get better.

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Kelly, 29

Left sided UC diagnosed 1/98 age 19, Pan colitis diagnosed 1/07
Currently on 4x3 Asacol, Rowasa every other night, 15 mg pred. until immuran kicks in...
75mg Imuran starting 8/23/07---bumped to 100mg 10/8/07
Prontonix once daily for acid reflux, zofran twice daily for nausea

I felt like I was destined to be alone as well. I then, just became very honest with myself and everyone around me. While shopping for groceries, I ran into a very wonderfull woman, we exchanged numbers, and I told her that I am not interested in the traditional dating scene and explained my situation. We spent many nights at my house watiching movies, dinners, playing cards and board games. Six years later, we are happily married with a beautiful 2 year old baby girl.  I also bought a projection screen tv and invite all my friends over for movies and popcorn, big dinner parties, game nights.  I know its not quite the same, but you do what you have to.  If they are true friends, they will be by your side.

I met my fiance during the worst flare I've ever had. It was really difficult hiding it at first, after about a month or two of making excuses for disappearing to the bathroom (its amazing how creative one can get) I broke down and told her I had UC. Turns out she has an autoimmune disorder too (and was trying to hide it), what are the odds? Anyway, I've discovered its best just to be honest about it with those who interact with you on a frequent basis. I probably could have saved myself quite a bit of trouble those first few months if I had just said something sooner...

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Diagnosed Fall of 2004

Meds:
6MP 1/2tab x 2 25mg ("re-challenging" 6mp)
Remicade 4 infusions
Prednisone 25mg (down to 5mg taper a week)
Citrucil 6-8 capsules a day

I agree with Carlow that being open and honest about it can make things a lot easier. With someone you've just met it can be kind of awkward. (Why do people have such a deep interesting in knowing *exactly* what's wrong when you say you don't feel well??) It's not that romantic to worry about running to the bathroom, but I have to believe that there are ways to still be social and somewhat comfortable.

Even when I'm just meeting friends, I tend to pick the restaurant and I suggest one that I know has good bathrooms and a menu of foods I want to eat. Or, something I just tell people that we should just meet after dinner because I want to eat simply at home by myself.

I think the key is to NOT consider yourself a "problem" and believe that you can meet someone who will love you and understand that you're a stronger person for dealing with a chronic disease.

Hm... maybe there's a cute GI doctor you could date? :)

Thank you for all your advice.  I feel to sick right now to even think about dating.  Just thinking about making it to work tomorrow is mind boggling right now.  Im beginning to wonder how i could possibly be in remission with all this stomache pain, bms and urgency.  I had a colonoscopy and endoscopy about two monthes ago and the GI said the uc was in remission.  Im not having any bleeding just lots of pain and urgency.  Im thinking about try probiotics but am hesitant to try anything right now.  Thanks again for being there, that helps me through more than you know.

 

Don't get down. This is something you can work through. At the time things happen it's terrifying but thinking back I laugh at some things I've been through. Here's some interesting times...

Before meeting my wife I asked this girl out to a movie. That went okay but in dropping her off I had to use her bathroom. She had a small condo--I really stunk that place up bad and made lots of noise. I remember searching her cabinets for spray. I told her it must have been something I ate. (she probably thought, "what did he eat, rotton fish guts?"

On our second date I asked her to a concert (Grover Washington Jr.). In the middle of the thing I had to go again (now's she's probably wondering if I have a problem). I left the concert hall for the bathroom and "NO!" a line. By the time I got to the can I had messed my pants. I hid the messey underware behind the toilet and returned to the date. After the 3rd or 4th date I told her about my problems and it went a lot smoother.

In college I messed my pants at a party. I was too embarrassed to confess my troubles (I also had a date) so I went into the bedroom of the host and swiped two pair of his clean underwear. I cleaned up with one pair and changed into the second. I was going to sneak the now two pairs of dirty underwear out but I heard my date calling my name and coming my way. All I could think to do was to quickly wad up the messy underwear and hide them behind a dresser. I hate to think of the mess someone had to clean up.

I have two girls now--they understand more than my wife. I've marked my territory at Yellowstone, Statue of Liberty, on ski slopes, Disney World, on Bourbon Street, NY subway, probably in every state of the US by now. I have yet to travel overseas to mark portions of Europe but I'm planning a trip soon.

Tip of the day: When squatting down to go make sure your shoes are clearly out of harms way

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Wow you can totally relate! Im a single parent with my youngest son being 9 years of age. I have to admit he's a real trooper and is really understanding and encourages me alot. He's one of the main reasons I keep going on! I admire the fact that you still travel! I hope to get there soon! I find that I get really anxious at the thought of traveling. My goal is to stop letting this disease control my life. Achieving that goal is a whole other story, but I want to thank you for those encouraging words that will help to lead me in the right direction. I really needed the good laugh too!

While in a car with several co-workers we got stuck in traffic. Even though only minutes away from the office I had to go then. In the middle of a traffic jam I jumped out as the driver handed me a pair of his kid's socks. Now they all have a good laugh at my expense when thinking back. I told him recently that now that his son is older and wearing bigger socks I can make sure to get every bit. You have to laugh at yourself. I have girls of 11 and 9 that really understand my situation--kids are really caring aren't they.

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Burli, thanks for the good laugh! I too laugh at myself; I figure the more I laugh, the easier I make the situation for everyone else. And hey, maybe those people around might learn something from it too!

Just a question......does nobody wear protective underwear? (adult diapers) I was very hessitant and embarrassed to even think about having to wear anything like that, but I picked up a pack of Depends and gave them a try. They work great, and they take a lot of pressure and ansiety off my mind knowing that if something happend, well at least its not going to be a complete disaster. I also carry a kids napsack everywhere I go with a couple extra's in there and some wipes, change of cloths, and some kitchen garbage bags. Im good to go. But right now, whenever I go out, im wearing that little extra protection. Its worth the peice of mind.

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Just diagnosed Aug. 14/07

I wear protective underwear everyday to work. Mornings are my worst and where I work I have to walk back to my office between two locked gates. My attendance at work has improved alot since I started wearing them. It really helps with the anxiety of possibly having a accident. I also carry a emergency care kit. I reallly need to work on leaving the house other than just for work. Thanks for the funny stories. I think sometimes I make such a big deal about it that I make myself crazy and paranoid.