I have a close call story! Back in early September (Labor Day), I took a fantastic bike ride. I love to ride in the summer, and there is just the most awesome network of trails around my city (Denver, CO). So I start off by my house, and I get a good pace going. I have this personal "rule" where I can't let anyone pass me. If I see someone coming up in my rear-view mirror, I step it up for about 10 minutes and almost always, I will leave whomever has crept up behind in the dust and I can go back to a more relaxed cadence. Well, no matter how hard I rode that day, this one guy kept catching me... I'd lose him, and then 10 minutes later he'd be back behind me again. It was really pissing me off because of my petty little "rule" to myself, and I really wanted to shake him off my tail. So anyway, right at about 12 miles, I started getting cramped up. I ate a pretty big breakfast earlier, and thought I was ok, but then I start hearing that voice in my head, it's like the HAL computer from "2001: A Space Odyssey", only it's my colon talking to me.
"Dave? I think it's time we find a toilet, Dave" ...
"Oh! c'mon HAL! Not now, I'm doin' 25 and this clown is behind me, and I have to shake him!"
"Dave? Just what do you think you're doing, Dave? You need to find a toilet, or the cramps that you're experiencing are going to become ....very unpleasant. We don't want that to happen now, do we Dave?"
"How come you acted like you were fine before we left this morning? I gave you a FULL HOUR and not even a hint, and you pull this NOW? You're so full of crap!"
"Exactly, Dave. Are you sure you are making the right decision?"
"10 more miles and I'll be at Confluence Park and I'm sure that there will be a crapper there. Cut me some slack just this once! C'mon HAL, I've had no warning no nothing. Just cut me that much slack! 30 minutes!"
"I'm sorry Dave, but I'm afraid I can't do that. This conversation can serve no purpose anymore. Goodbye."
The cramps were unignorable now, so I slowed way down. As the guy behind me passed, he cheerfully said, "Boy, I've been behind you since Bear Creek Park, you must have thought that I was chasing you!" I wanted to say, "And I'd have dusted you for good too, if I didn't have to crap my brains out right now!" But, instead, I forced a smile and bid him a good ride.
I pulled off the trail onto a street that dead-ended right at the trail. Immediately I started surveying the area for possible places to "go". In sight, there was a dive-bar that wasn't open (even if it was I'm not sure how good it would have been walking in there all sweaty in lycra shorts and fouling their rest-room; it wasn't the best area in town to be making that kind of a scene in front of their likely patrons..There was also a muffler shop closed for Labor Day and a medical prosthetics place, also probably closed, but I couldn't tell.
Then, the most amazing thing happened. This is a true story. Where I happened to pull off the trail was a contruction site. They were putting in a new strip mall, and alas, there was a portapotty right next to me!!! I was so busy looking at businesses across the street, I hadn't noticed for almost a minute. I mean, it was as if the sky opened up and the good Lord Almighty reached down from the heavens and put it there .. just for me! The best part, the shedule inside showed that it had been cleaned that morning! Heh..
"open the pod bay doors please, HAL"
So after that ordeal, I manged to ride a total of 50 miles that day, with only that slight interruption. A really great ride, but I never did catch up to that guy who was behind me though..
"I feel much better now, Dave. I really do"