I have already responded to your post but I want to add something else. I try not to focus on the negative changes to my life by living with heart disease but there are some real negatives. I am going to share one of mine that I have not told anyone outside my family before and hopefully I am not the only one with these crazy thoughts.
Ever since 1997 when I had my big heart attack, I cannot sleep without the TV being on. I know it is silly but the reason is, if I wake up during the night and the TV is on, then I know I am still alive. Heart disease is very scary and not a day goes by that I do not feel some anxiety about it. I worry about dying, I worry about being disabled where I can't take care of myself, I worry about worrying. (and they wonder why I have heart attacks...lol). I even worry that if I have another one, it will happen somewhere that will embarass me like a mall or at work. The whole disease is very embarassing. I worry that everyone is watching every bite I eat, whether or not I am doing everything I should at all times and I feel terribly guilty that I got sick. I know it was not voluntary but I guess I just think "IF only I had..... none of this would happen". I don't feel as attractive anymore either or desirable. I am a single woman and the subject always comes up at times of intimacy. There are a lot of men who wouldn't date me because they are afraid that I would have a heart attack during intimacy.
I know in my head that I am not alone with these fears but it feels like nobody understands what it is like to live with this on my shoulders. I don't mean to ramble on but I thought I would share some of my anxieties and fears in hopes that someone else can relate.