Posted 12/2/2005 8:19 PM (GMT -6)
I am a 19 year old female. This summer while laying in bed and having a simple conversation void of stress, I suddenly had a sinking feeling. I felt my heart and mind were shutting down and everything grew dark. My heart started pounding, so I was taken to a hospital. A week or two prior to this, I suffered fatigue--so much so that I rarely got out of bed. The fatigue was accompanied with a shooting pain in my left arm, neck, and chest. After that I checked my pulse a few times, and found it was irregular. I paid no heed to this. When I almost passed out two weeks later, the doctor performed an ECG and informed me I suffer from sinus tachycardia and I believe S and T wave abnormality. I was given Inderal 10mg. I continued taking it whenever I felt my heart rate increasing. My pulse rate would mount to 130-170 and then fall to 90. During this time I had a feeling of unreality, as if I was not myself, a feeling I don't know myself. That I am only a name and that is all. There is no better way of explaining this. After taking Inderal my mental state deteriorated. I had a feeling of impending doom and the pulse after going to normal for a few days, returned to high. I had a feeling of unknown anxiety, unreality, fatigue, dizziness. I had yet another major attack in September. This time during my sleep from which I was awakened finding my heart beat racing and the same feeling of my system shutting down. My body started twitching, I began trembling, sweating and I felt if I moved a single inch my heart would explode. I was taken to the hospital once again. Since inderal was ineffective, I was given Concor 5. They ran tests as well: the thyroid, HB, Holter, ECG, electrolytes and all was normal. I was not told the cause of this condition.
A few years earlier, when I was around 11 or 12 I was daignosed with mitral valve prolapse. They found out now that this was a misdiagnosis.
You see the trouble is I suffer severe depression since I was 14. I have attempted to commit suicide innumerable times, and sought help with a counselor who prescribed me with an anti-depressant. I did not take it, since the depression went away. Then it came again this summer. I find no pleasure in anything. I have to fake a smile. There is a certain atmosphere inside me which dulls everything. I cannot seem to lift this atmosphere. I suddenly feel like screaming and crying sometimes in class and I am terribly, terribly, lost at this time. Everything I encounter comes with sadness. I have no ambitions whatsoever. Nothing gives me happiness.
Nowadays I feel I cannot concentrate my sight--I mean I cannot look at anything without with a fixation. I cannot concentrate my eyes on any object. Also I am suffering unbelievable fatigue, sleeping through the day. I am having the same feeling of unreality and fear of insanity. I also start crying suddenly and have a feeling of loneliness, detachedness from reality, and nearing insanity. I do not know what to do, as most of what I feel I am unable to articulate properly. Sometimes there are no words for certain conditions of mind and heart. Is there a possible connection between my state of mind and heart in this case? I don't know which struck me first this summer--my heart problem which might have caused depression, or then my depression which may have cause my heart problem? What should I do when I feel as though I am going insane?
I need your help. Anything.
p.s: Just for the record, in case there is a connection, I also had an ovarian cyst removed when I was seventeed.