I'm struggling and this place feels safe. My heart health has become more complicated recently (was just diagnosed with hyperadrenergic pots, ehlera danlos, mast cell activation disorder and gastroparesis and I'm really symptomatic, my younger sister is getting married in May and I'm the matron of honor -
I've been sick for many years so she knows I'm limited (I'm mostly homebound and right now can barely shower, my husband is cooking/cleaning/helping me and our large dog is also paralyzed and we have a 13 year old we are homeschooling because we live in FL and he's high risk for covid) but I just went through another health crisis.
She's letting me know the bridesmaids are ready to start planning the bachelorette party and I don't know them yet (2 are her soon to be sisters inlaw) and I'm realizing I can likely be there for her on her wedding day and with planning stand by her side for that day and the rehearsal (we live 2hrs from her and because of my health and our dogs condition we are renting a place near the wedding for 2 nights so I can be there for rehearsal and wedding day bc the drive would put me over the top and my husband has some health issues and is beyond taxed).
But as I am right now barely able to care for myself and my own health, let alone my family I cannot fathom how I will plan and execute and attend a bridal shower and bachelorette in addition to the actual wedding ceremony. I'm writing a speech for the wedding and my husband is prepared to help me finish it because I lose my speech at times due to brain issues but I believe I can do the wedding day.
I just don't think I can handle the bridal shower and Bachelorette and I don't know how to tell her without her getting upset or her fiance wanting me out of the wedding entirely (he can be petty sometimes and called her best friend a wack job because she pulled out of the bridal party due to fear for her kids and the high rates of covid in FL, we are 8 months from wedding but it's still very real and our family is high risk but committed to being there for the wedding. She was upset at his reaction and we spoke at the time about
it and I conveyed that her friend probably wants very much to be there for her special day but as a mom this is a real fear and she saw her friends side of things and was a little upset at her fiances reaction.
But I'm bracing myself after what happened with her). Being in her wedding means a lot because our mom passed away when we were both young and it kills me to let her down in any way, it feels selfish and I can't stop crying. We have different beliefs and I don't know if she truly understands how debilitated I am and I'm praying we can have a loving conversation and that somehow I can be there on her wedding day for her and that her bridesmaids can possibly take the reins for her bridal shower and bachelorette.
I can barely shower, I'm just trying to stay out of the hospital right now. But it doesn't always make sense even to those close to us and I'm afraid our relationship will be affected and I am trying to keep my blood pressure down but I have something now called hyper pots and am getting adrenaline surges and it has been so scary. I recieved 3 new diagnosis this week and 'm feeling overwhelmed and defeated, I don't want her to be mad at me and I don't want to let anyone down.
Please pray for me I'm sorry if this doesn't quality for posting I don't have anywhere else and the stress is triggering all of my health issues, my blood pressure isn't controlled yet because what I can take is limited and I'm having really concerning symptoms a new doctor is trying to help me through but I'm trying to control stress because I have high cholesterol and an arrythmia and my cardiologist has said he's usually not concerned because my pressure was always so low (99/60) but now I'm navigating added risk of the hypertensive spikes and trying to protect my heart also because my mother was gone by 44 and I'm 41 - I'm not her but this has been so hard and frightening.
I'm under care of my neurologist mostly, the Cymbalta he has me on may be exacerbating my adrenaline and high bp issues, the cardiologist I saw recently gave me clean bill of health because my holter study showed no arrhythmia and doesn't seem to understand my hyperadrenergic pots or neurological heart issues.
I have made some paragraphs in your post to make it a little easier to read.
Post Edited By Moderator (straydog) : 9/14/2021 3:45:06 PM (GMT-6)