We are on the same wavelength today. I am searching for better coping skills myself, in dealing with heart disease and depression. When I feel good, I am not so depressed because I can stay busy. When I feel bad, I get depressed.
The thing is, I know the reasons for my depression. I cannot live the socially accepted and expected, healthy lifestyles. I am not doing all I can to get better, or help my condition, yet I know that responsible people have the character and willpower to correct their bad habits. So I see myself as something less than a responsible adult. I am flawed. I am a hypocrite for smoking and then trying to push the medical world to save me. Trying to quit causes lots of stress, and bowing to defeat causes depression.
I think that Bandit was right on when he said the first and most important step was to talk about it. I think that is what I needed to do today, as painful as it is.
You have been through a very traumatic experience with the CABG. Heart disease and trauma to the body is known to cause depression, and anxiety can definitely be caused by depression, don't you think?
I take 20mg's of Lexapro/day for depression. It helps I guess, but I have been reading about the effects of SSRI class depression medicines on the cerebral vascular system. It seems under certain conditions, it can cause the blood vessels in the brain to constrict. I gotta look at this some more.
Make a list of all that is wrong in your life. Then look at what you have the power to change and what you do not. Stop any struggle you have with something you may not can change. Accept it and surrender to it. Make or find peace with it. Stop the inner struggle it has/is causing. Can you accept it if it is going to shorten your life? This is my problem area, but acceptance of some undesirable influences/personal character flaws in our lives, takes away their power to hurt us. We no longer fall short in some of our self expectations. When we constantly fail our goals, it's time to re-evaluate them, I think, don't you?
Alcoholics have a prayer that I'm sure you have heard: " G-d grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." This is a simple but powerful thought to me.
I will take you literally for what you said about your heart disease/condition, and in doing so, I must say that you did not properly explain the reason that you need a heart transplant. You mention the quadruple bypass and another coronary artery that is blocked. How does this warrant the need for a transplant? I don't doubt you, but when I hear that someone needs a transplant, I like to hear why.
You are not alone in facing a heart attack or stroke. Most with severe CAD/arteriosclerosis face the same possibilities/probabilities. We have to deal with this, less we let it get the best of us. Again, I think we should do all within our power to reduce the likelihood of this happening, and not worry about the rest. We need to exercise daily. This should be done with supervision or maybe just a dose of common sense. I believe that when we have the energy to exercise, we have HOPE. The thing is, we are sick some days (sometimes many days) and it interrupts our routine. We need to eat right and take certain vitamins and supplements. This is a science unto itself plus lessons in cooking, lol.
We need to know and understand our heart medicines and recognize when they may need adjusting. These medicines tend to slow down our metabolism, increase our blood glucose, decrease our energy levels and blood circulation. Some may add to our depression. Anyone who takes the common heart medicines for heart failure, over long periods of time AND do not have an exercise routine will not get better. That's just my opinion. These medicines should come with a requirement for aerobic exercise, especially the beta blockers, which slow down our pulse and decrease the force or the contraction of our heart beat.
You have an extra burden with your thyroid disease. It and the medicines to treat it do not go well with heart disease, I have read. You must keep your thyroid hormone levels within limits, or where you feel best, which sometimes does not fall within the normal accepted limits.
You must have a belief system. If you are not religious, then look into Eastern philosophy, metaphysics, meditation and yoga. Enrich your inner self with new ideas and ways of coping.
There is no replacement for having an understanding, significant other. The reality of the situation is that they become drained from hearing our worries and complaints, unless they are very special people and/or you and they were very much in love a long time before the heart disease began. They then realize the toll that heart disease has taken on us physically and most of all mentally. It amazes people for me to explain what happens during a stent insertion. I never bring it up, but will explain to my friends and family how it is done. The look in their eyes at least tells you that you are now a brave soldier. You lay on the cath table time and time again. You have laid on the bypass surgery table. This table I am fighting hard! That is my struggle or my goal :) He** Hope3, you deserve mine and all else's sympathy, and empathy from others. There is a certain amount of compensation I think we need, if we presumably have had a family or a otherwise good support network, for years before our disease began, in that they respect our burden.. It is being way too virtuous to not expect some sorrow for our plights. Life in and out of a hospital is not fun. I can never get along with them, lol.
I also recognize that I, in turn have placed a burden on my spouse. I must compensate her for the sorrow that my health brings her way. So it is give and take, I guess. Both spouses need mutual support and unique understanding of the situation.
I feel your pain today. I am very blue also. I woke this morning after 5 hours of sleep, form a recurring nightmare.
I got food poisoning Saturday night :( and have had a bad time of it. Tomorrow I hope that we both feel better and have no pain :)