Good morning Wanda :)
"You so stubborn", LOL ! I love that. That means you will be fine, don't ya know? Now let's laugh at what we can, cry when we need to and realize that there is a time for both. A season for everything as, written in the good book.
That is what's so good about this place where we meet. When we feel we've had enough pain and suffering, we can come here and let it out, without worry that we will be seen as weak. Heck, that's the reason we are here, we are weak!
I think that is the nature of chronic disease, whether it is MS, cancer or heart disease, in that we have a few good days sprinkled in with the bad ones. Sometimes I am up mentally, but feel bad physically. Some times I'm up physically but feel bad mentally. Boy, I really hate it when I am down on both counts. Those are the tough days to make it through. Then I look for "big shoulders" somewhere.
There used to be a great fellow that posted on this board, as well as others. His name was Steve, his screen name was "Gain". To me, he was the perfect person. He passed away some time ago, but he beat the odds for some time. I don't know how far the old post go back, but I would like to read some of his posts again. He had a massive mi and CABG. He was told he would not live 6 months after all that. Well, he lived for almost 2 years.
The only time he was bitter, is after they found an abdominal aneurysm. Before he went to surgery to repair it, they told him that he had had an aortic aneurysm that they had known about since his mi, but had not told him about. He was in surgery for many hours to repair these aneurysms. They closed him up and sent him home to die with his family. Steve was a year younger than myself.
He hardly ever missed a days work, although he had his own business. I tell you his story, because I think about how brave he was, and how he fought to live for his family whom he loved dearly, and they, he. I have times when I think about ending it. To me, that is our right to have this defense mechanism. It gives us comfort to know that we can end our suffering. But do not step beyond those bounds, ever. The thoughts are normal I think for very sick people, and we should be allowed to discuss this subject without fear of actually causing someone to do it. Think but do not act. It is so foolish to do so!
My Father took his own life when I was almost 4. He left my Mother, brother, sister and myself to deal with it. He was a highly decorated combat infantryman in WWll. He spent 19 months in the South Pacific fighting the Japanese. It took way too much out of him.
So, there is sadness in life but we cannot forget all the happiness that we have had, and will have in the future :)
There are extremes in life, like Steve, and my Father. One tried so hard to live, the other did not.
Well I have said way too much already. I just hope that you can sort out where you are in this journey. If you can, maybe you can help me and others :) That is one purpose you have right now, and that is helping others that have been where you have been, or have been told they are going too.
What a valuable Lady you are. Get that self esteem up to where it should be!!!!!
Talk specifically about your heart/coronary problems. I know that you are waiting for a smaller stent to come on the market, or to be available. Which artery is it? How many total blockages do you still have? What is your ejection fraction (EF) ? When is the last time you had an echocardiogram? Did it show any abnormalities?
I'm sure that you take a beta blocker, as I do. You know the best one for heart failure patients is Coreg. It is different from all the rest in that it helps the lining of the arteries somehow, I believe. I want to start taking it, but dread the changeover. I have heard it can make some people a tad dizzy or queasy for a short period. We may not have heart failure but our coronary arteries need all the help they can get, I think.
I saw my PCP yesterday. I have a B-12 deficiency and got a shot. OUCH, my shoulder is still sore. I am such a scaredy cat, lol. I have arthritis and typing really is hard on me "fangers". I takes it real slow posting, but I could not go to the chat room. I couldn't get a word in edgewise for Elisha and Dreamgirl, ha ha ha, just shoot me. I could still be a voyeur I guess....
Be good and be happy. That's an order Wanda! Chest up high and stomach in! Good posture is goooood for the heart. Give it it's proper room to work, per the yoga people :)