very depressed and anxious lately

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

hope3
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 216
   Posted 7/22/2006 12:41 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello everyone! It's been a while since I've posted, but I feel like I need some advise. I havent been feeling like myself lately at all. I don't know why, but I've been feeling very uptight and highstrung. Other times I feel so down I don't want to do anything. I've been crying alot for no reason, and get mad about things that don't usually bother me. I just had another angiogram done about a month ago. The dr. put a balloon in one of my arterys that was 90% blocked. He also put me on a new drug called ranexa for my angina. It worked great for about 2 weeks, but now the pain has come back already,although not as severe as it was. I told him I was surprised that he put a balloon in because he always said my arterys were too small for this. But with it being 90% blocked he said he wanted to take the chance. Thank God that turned out ok. But I'm very upset about the pain coming back so soon. He said it should last about 2 years and then he would put a stent in. I asked him why he did'nt put a stint in now and he said there wasnt one small enough for me yet, but that one will be available soon.It just seems to me that everything they do does'nt work for me very well or for as long as it is supposed to. I get so upset about it that sometimes I think I don't want them to do anymore to me. I just want to leave it in Gods hands and not worry about any more surgerys. I wonder how much we should let the Drs. do to us to keep us here on this earth if we don't feel well anyway. I am a christian and this disturbs me quite a bit because I don,t want to do anything that would be a sin. But I also don't want the drs. to keep working on me all the time. I'm sorry for such a long post but I just wanted some input about what others think about how far we should let Drs. go to keep us alive. Also about my mood swings lately, I feel it has alot to do with being unsure about what to do from here and being frustrated that I have this disease in the first place.(I know I shouldnt feel sorry for myself, but sometimes i can't help it) 
 
   Wanda confused
 


Hopes
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 297
   Posted 7/22/2006 7:41 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Wanda! Good to hear from you. Sorry you are feeling down. I just want to say that I am a Christian also and it is true that God is soverign in our lives and the world. (Not interested in debating with another point of view-you are entitled to your own beliefs.) The Bible tells us that God is good and He gives wisdom. It is my very strong belief that the knowledge that the doctors have today is because GOD in His Goodness has progressed their knowledge to the place it is today in order to help us and it is my belief that HE will progress their knowledge more over time. The Bible tells us that every good thing comes from the Father above. We sometimes think wordly minded and assume it is just 'luck' or coincidence or by our own power but the Bible tells us that God pours His blessings on the  just and unjust, on the righteous and unrighteous. That does not mean He takes away all our problems or makes everything rosey. I DO NOT believe that going to doctors and doing everything possible is a sin or taking away from God's soverignty in our lives. How could it be when He allowed them this knowledge and insight. I do not belief that God wants anyone to give up and do nothing but that does not mean that everything that is done will work out well. That is where FAITH comes in and for the Christian who believes the WORD of God to remember that this is not our home. We are just foreigners passing through and we do not walk alone. Keep the Faith and don't give up. God Bless You, Wanda.

Aldo
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 289
   Posted 7/22/2006 8:21 AM (GMT -7)   

Good Saturday Morning to you :)

I think we all have our "dark side" that forces us to concentrate on our condition. Especially when you are constantly nagged by angina. It is extremely difficult for our minds to think of anything pleasant when we are constantly reminded of death, by the haunting angina. We exert ourselves a bit and there it is-angina. We sit in a recliner and there it is-angina. It can become our "Grim Reaper".

Wanda, I can really relate with you here, except that I have not had CABG, as you have. What a traumatic surgery this is. I know and I haven't had it.

In the past, angina was my saviour. When it came on bad, they always found a blockage that had increased to the point of requiring stenting. They even wanted to do CABG, but I had the roto-big stents combination. I think that procedure will cause problems in the future, if I do have to have CABG.

I had what I thought was bad angina about 2 months ago. I had a cath and all was well. Well, I have a totally useless RCA. I was born with a tiny RCA that has little flow through it and is 60%blocked. Anyway, I was ok per the doc. It was the first time I was wrong.

Now I have found out that I have arthritis. Maybe rheumatoid arthritis. It is causing my chest to hurt, along with the rest of my body.

We cannot live with chronic pain, whatever the cause. It will put you in a state of mind that came through so clear, in your post.

The strongest anti-depressants will not help you with chronic pain. Stopping the pain will help you. That is all that will help you. Physical procedures are out for you at this time, per your doc. Now it is time for you to get pain relief, and I am not talking about medicines like Ranexa, or Imdur, nor fast acting nitroglycerin. I am talking about pain medication with far less side affects as Ranexa. Probably much more safe also. Addictive? Maybe, maybe not.

I am taking Tramadol which is a very mild pain med from the opiate derivative class. I don't take it unless I need it. I pay no attention to the pain across my chest now. I pay no attention to the mess of metal stents in my coronary arteries.

My rheumatoligist told me that I was nervous and prescribed Xanax. It really helps.

What I am trying to tell you is that your very serious physical condition has had a great impact on your mental condition. I know because I have been there and I guess I always will be there. I don't expect to live a long time, but by golly I want to be as pain and worry free as long as I can.

How far do we go with treatments to keep our hearts beating is a practical matter to me. New advances in medical technology may keep us going for years. I think we should do all within our power to stay alive. We owe that to our families. That is just one knucklehead's opinion :)

The psychological part of you is thinking about when to throw the towel in. You need help with your spirit right now. You are experiencing mental anguish. Wanda, there are medicines that can help you. I have lost the psychological battle already, and I have not been through anything that compares to what you have. I had to help my mind and pain by finding doctors who understand chronic pain and the resulting anxiety.

Your new medicine for angina may very well be causing some psychological problems. There are other heart medications such as Imdur, a timed released nitroglycerin, to help with angina. I took it for years. I stopped it about 5 weeks ago, so that I could take medications for ED. My cardiologist suggested I do it.

Reach way down and find that inner peace within you. Know that you are not alone. My prayers will be for you to have happiness and improved health Wanda :)

Here is a link to information about Ranexa:

http://www.rxlist.com/cgi/generic4/ranexa_ad.htm

Be good to yourself while you still can!

Rj

 


DREAMGIRL
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 600
   Posted 7/22/2006 10:10 PM (GMT -7)   
:-) Hello Dear Hope,i am so sorry we did not have some alone time on the chat line.  I too am a christian and if i understood what you were saying(your'e tired of suffering) and want to know if God would be upset if you hurried things along, at least that is what i think i read. You know, i think about that too. is there any place in the bible that says if you helped yourself out of here, would you be doomed to death.  i hope we can talk alone sometime on the chat lines, i have a lot of questions. please don't anyone read this and be alarmed, it is just a thought provoking thought.

hope3
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 216
   Posted 7/22/2006 10:38 PM (GMT -7)   

Hopes and Aldo, thanks so much for your resonse. I'm glad to hear from you both again. :-) I also feel like I should do everything in my power to live as long as I can for my family. But the expense is getting out of hand for us, and I don't want to leave my husband with so much debt that he won't be able to won't be able to live a good life once I'm gone. I havent decided yet on what I will do when it comes time for me to have the stent put in. I know my husband will say he want's me to have it done and I probably will. But as els has said i am very strong willed (which means -stubborn lol) But as always you have both given me very good advice and alot to think about. I will pray for knowledge about what to do when that time comes. My mind is in alot of turmoil right now but I know God will lead me on the right path. Thank you both for your kind words, and encouragement. God Bless you both! I hope things are going well for you. TAKE CARE!

   Wanda

 

 


 


hope3
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 216
   Posted 7/22/2006 11:01 PM (GMT -7)   
Dreamgirl, I would love to chat about this issue with you. I'm on chat almost everynight after 10:00 pm eastern time. Thank you for understanding. I agree that it is just something that I have questioned and I don't want anyone to be persauded by this in any way. Thank You for responding to my post. I hope to see you on chat soon.
 


dizzyintx
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 7/24/2006 9:03 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Wanda,

I am new to this forum but can relate to your posting. I am sorry that things are not better for you and really all of us. I agree with everyone else, they need to control your pain first and then lets see how your feelings change! I work with a pain mgt doctor.

 I had a CABG in Feb and have tons of medical bills piling up. I also have MS and diabetes, so there is no way we can pay them all. Luckily we live in Texas and they can not garnish wages here, except for the govt. If I hear you right, it's the medical bills that keep you from wanting to go on with more treatments???

Of course I could be wrong, but I thought when you die, your bills die with you. In other words your husband can NOT be held liable for any of your medical or any other bills for that matter. What I am trying to say is to fight as hard as you want and don't let the matter of your family having to pay long after your gone stop you.

If you really feel that it's time to refuse surgery/ treatments, I can totally understand. It's hard to keep going through all that and really not to feel so great anyway. I want to live a while longer to be a grandmother. My daughter is going to grad school and it should take her 3 more years. I believe that we all need something to live for/ look forward to. What are you living for?

Take care and I wish you peace.

Kim


Post Edited (dizzyintx) : 7/24/2006 10:08:31 AM (GMT-6)


els
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 4031
   Posted 7/24/2006 7:23 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Wanda, I am sorry I am a bit late in responding to your post here as I have been having a few bad days myself with a broken ankle and all...I am glad that you have kept in mind that your strong-willed as I truly believe that you are.  It is reasonable after all that you have been though and then just recently for you to think about where your life is going and what the purpose for it is.  In the end it really comes to down to the fact that we never really know those answers, we just have to find a way to live each day the best we can.  For those of us who do have these chronic illnesses it is especially important to take care of our spiritual and mental health as well as our physical health, as it all ties in together.  In addition to RJ's recommendation on seeking pain management, I would also suggest perhaps seeing about an antidepressant to help.  You know we are always here for you...Hang in there. Hugs


 


hope3
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 216
   Posted 7/24/2006 9:44 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi els, ty for responding, I'm sorry to hear about your ankle, you really didnt need that to happen to you too. I hope you feel better soon. Your right I am very strong willed (stubborn) lol. Maybe thats why I'm still here. I am feeling better about things now. I'm trying to get a new perspective on everything and think more about living instead of dyeing. I will still have my bad days of course, as we all do, but I,m trying to think more positive and just enjoy life the best I can with what I have. I am on zoloft but I've been taking it for 15 yrs so I think maybe I need to change it, I don't know. Anyway Take Care of Yourself. I'm sorry to hear about your ankle. (Hugs)


Wanda
 


hope3
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 216
   Posted 7/24/2006 10:04 PM (GMT -7)   
TO EVERYONE OF YOU TY, As always you have all helped me a great deal, just knowing there are people here that care about me means alot. I wanted to let everyone know that I talked to my Pastor and his Wife and they have also helped me to sort things out. I am trying to change my outlook on life and start enjoying life, instead of feeling sorry for myself so much. This is something I will have to work on because when you suffer with depression it's easy to do that. Just know that I am not ready to give up on life yet! I still have some fight in me and I hope I always will. When I post I think alot about what people say in the response I get. I can't Thank You All enough for being here for me. I also wanted to say its very nice to meet you dizzy, maybe I will see you on chat sometime. TC and GOD BLESS YOU ALL!

Wanda
 


Aldo
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 289
   Posted 7/25/2006 4:25 AM (GMT -7)   

Good morning Wanda :)

"You so stubborn", LOL ! I love that. That means you will be fine, don't ya know? Now let's laugh at what we can, cry when we need to and realize that there is a time for both. A season for everything as, written in the good book.

That is what's so good about this place where we meet. When we feel we've had enough pain and suffering, we can come here and let it out, without worry that we will be seen as weak. Heck, that's the reason we are here, we are weak!

I think that is the nature of chronic disease, whether it is MS, cancer or heart disease, in that we have a few good days sprinkled in with the bad ones. Sometimes I am up mentally, but feel bad physically. Some times I'm up physically but feel bad mentally. Boy, I really hate it when I am down on both counts. Those are the tough days to make it through. Then I look for "big shoulders" somewhere.

There used to be a great fellow that posted on this board, as well as others. His name was Steve, his screen name was "Gain". To me, he was the perfect person. He passed away some time ago, but he beat the odds for some time. I don't know how far the old post go back, but I would like to read some of his posts again. He had a massive mi and CABG. He was told he would not live 6 months after all that. Well, he lived for almost 2 years.

The only time he was bitter, is after they found an abdominal aneurysm. Before he went to surgery to repair it, they told him that he had had an aortic aneurysm that they had known about since his mi, but had not told him about. He was in surgery for many hours to repair these aneurysms. They closed him up and sent him home to die with his family. Steve was a year younger than myself.

He hardly ever missed a days work, although he had his own business. I tell you his story, because I think about how brave he was, and how he fought to live for his family whom he loved dearly, and they, he. I have times when I think about ending it. To me, that is our right to have this defense mechanism. It gives us comfort to know that we can end our suffering. But do not step beyond those bounds, ever. The thoughts are normal I think for very sick people, and we should be allowed to discuss this subject without fear of actually causing someone to do it. Think but do not act. It is so foolish to do so!

My Father took his own life when I was almost 4. He left my Mother, brother, sister and myself to deal with it. He was a highly decorated combat infantryman in WWll. He spent 19 months in the South Pacific fighting the Japanese. It took way too much out of him.

So, there is sadness in life but we cannot forget all the happiness that we have had, and will have in the future :)

There are extremes in life, like Steve, and my Father. One tried so hard to live, the other did not.

Well I have said way too much already. I just hope that you can sort out where you are in this journey. If you can, maybe you can help me and others :) That is one purpose you have right now, and that is helping others that have been where you have been, or have been told they are going too.
 
What a valuable Lady you are. Get that self esteem up to where it should be!!!!!
 
Talk specifically about your heart/coronary problems. I know that you are waiting for a smaller stent to come on the market, or to be available. Which artery is it? How many total blockages do you still have? What is your ejection fraction (EF) ? When is the last time you had an echocardiogram? Did it show any abnormalities?
 
I'm sure that you take a beta blocker, as I do. You know the best one for heart failure patients is Coreg. It is different from all the rest in that it helps the lining of the arteries somehow, I believe. I want to start taking it, but dread the changeover. I have heard it can make some people a tad dizzy or queasy for a short period. We may not have heart failure but our coronary arteries need all the help they can get, I think.
 
I saw my PCP yesterday. I have a B-12 deficiency and got a shot. OUCH, my shoulder is still sore. I am such a scaredy cat, lol. I have arthritis and typing really is hard on me "fangers". I takes it real slow posting, but I could not go to the chat room. I couldn't get a word in edgewise for Elisha and Dreamgirl, ha ha ha, just shoot me. I could still be a voyeur I guess....
 
Be good and be happy. That's an order Wanda! Chest up high and stomach in! Good posture is goooood for the heart. Give it it's proper room to work, per the yoga people :)
 
Silly Rj

DREAMGIRL
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 600
   Posted 7/25/2006 10:13 AM (GMT -7)   
:-)  Oh Aldo, you crack me up, so even my fingers talk fast Ha Ha.  i loved your note to hope, i know it will help her, it was wonderful.  Hi hope, see you later

Aldo
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 289
   Posted 7/25/2006 11:12 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks ever so kindly :) and I am all cracked up....

hope3
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2006
Total Posts : 216
   Posted 7/25/2006 7:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Aldo, as always your wise words and encouragement have lifted my spirits. So much so that I am sitting here crying again. lol. I love your posts to everyone, there never boring or too long. Bless your heart for being so sweet, your a very special person. Thank you doesnt seem like enough to say to you! I wanted to let you know that I print out the posts I recieve so that I can look back on them when i need to be lifted up. I'm sorry to hear about the other health issues you now face
But I know that you will face them the way you do life, with everything that you have in you. That is so funny about els and dream, I,m sure they would let you slide in there somewhere! Hugs to You and your family. God Bless! You will be in my prayers as well! Take Care of yourself!
 
 
   Wanda :-)           
 


Aldo
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 289
   Posted 7/25/2006 7:29 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey, you're my Hope so I have to watch out for you, right? Seriously, your reply touched my heart and I cannot joke about that. You think that I get repaid for what I try to do? Oh yes. I receive much more than I give, always. You hang in there and be good to yourself and start feeling better. I think you are like me. Sometimes we get drawn down into that ole well of depression, and we don't even realize it. A friend will reach down and pull us out, or at least try. Thank you for the kind words Wanda :)

Rj
New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Tuesday, December 12, 2017 3:14 PM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,904,534 posts in 318,763 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 158153 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, Jindal25.
427 Guest(s), 6 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
island time, spikel, Missouri, Fronton, ByHisGrace, Nowitshell