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stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 11/6/2008 1:10 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello Dear Friends,
This is where group members can share and discuss their day to day, favourite jokes, fun & games and everything not directly related to GERD.
Laughter is the best medicine. We’ve heard the expression time and again. For decades, researchers have explored how humor helps patients relieve stress and heal.  smhair
Come here for stress relief or to add your own story.  This is your space.
 
I dedicate it to all the members of GERD/Heartburn
 
Kitt  turn


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

Post Edited (stkitt) : 11/6/2008 12:25:03 PM (GMT-7)


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 11/6/2008 1:24 PM (GMT -6)   

Call me corny, I am from the midwest.........I love to read silly jokes, they make me laugh when I am feeling down.

***********************************************

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked the stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy answered, "No ma'am, they're dead."

Tada.  Come on all and join in.

Kitt  cool


k9lov3r
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 230
   Posted 11/6/2008 11:43 PM (GMT -6)   

Kitt I think I fixed it was rushing to get to work If not let me know and I will email it to you.  My K9 might attack you but it will be with kisses

Diet rules to live by 

Here are some new diet rules you can actually live by! Start losing all the weight you ever dreamed of losing!

cookie pieces contain no fat - the process of breaking causes fat leakage. Exception: cookies sold by Texas D" Lites distributors. Great "Meal Replacement" with little or no fat content, low in calories, lots of fiber, protein, and other nutritional ingredients.

Foods that are frozen have no calories because calories are units of heat. Examples are Ice Cream, Frozen pies and popsicles.

Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories, e.g. spinach and pistachio ice cream; mush- rooms and white chocolate. Note: Chocolate is a universal color and maybe substituted for any other food color without increasing caloric content.

If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda.

If you fatten everyone else around you, then you look thinner.... So encourage others to eat more... and more often...

In food used for medicinal purposes the calories NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast, and Sara Lee Cheesecake.

Movie related foods (Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots, Tootsie Rolls, etc.) do not have additional calories because they are not part of one's personal fuel... merely entertainment.

Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples are peanut butter on a knife when making a sandwich, ice cream on a spoon when making a sundae.

When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you don't eat more than they do. (see above, encouraging others) 

 

Post Edited (k9lov3r) : 11/6/2008 10:50:58 PM (GMT-7)


k9lov3r
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 230
   Posted 11/9/2008 1:42 AM (GMT -6)   

Tech Support questions

Customer:  Hi, this is Maureen. I can't get my diskette out. Tech support:  Have you tried pushing the Button? Customer:  Yes, sure, it's really stuck. Tech support:  That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note. Customer:  No,  wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....
===============
Tech support:  Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen. Customer:  Your left or my left? ===============
Customer:  Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
==============  =
Customer:  I have problems printing in red.Tech support:  Do you have a color printer? Customer:  Aaaah....................thank you.
===============
Tech support:  What's on your monitor now, ma'am? Customer:  A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at Woolies.
===============
Tech support:  Your password is the small letter 'a' as in apple, a capital letter V as n Victor, the number 7. Customer:  Is that 7 in capital letters ?
== =============
Customer:  can't get on the Internet. Tech support:  Are you sure you used the right password? Customer:  Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it. Tech support:  Can you tell me what the password was? Customer:  Five stars.
===============
Customer:  I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
===============
Tech support:   How may I help you? Customer:  I'm writing my first e-mail. Tech support:  OK, and what seems to be the problem? Customer:  Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
===============
A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. Tech support:  Are you running it under windows? Customer:  'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.'

MJ

 


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 11/16/2008 12:04 AM (GMT -6)   

Thanksgiving Night

'Twas the night of Thanksgiving, 
but I just couldn't sleep... 

I tried counting backwards, 
I tried counting sheep.
 
The leftovers beckoned...the dark meat and white, 
but I fought the temptation with all of my might.
 
Tossing and turning with anticipation, 
the thought of a snack became infatuation.
 
So, I raced to the kitchen, flung open the door 
and gazed at the fridge, full of goodies galore.
 
I gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes, 
stuffing with gravy, green beans and tomatoes. 

I felt myself swelling so plump and so round, 
till all of a sudden, I rose off the ground.
 
I crashed through the ceiling, floating into the sky 
with a mouthful of pudding and a handful of pie
 
But, I managed to yell as I soared past the trees... 
Happy eating to all -- pass the cranberries, please.


smhair  


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


k9lov3r
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 230
   Posted 11/16/2008 1:57 PM (GMT -6)   

 Thanksgiving Divorce

 A man in Jacksonville calls his son in San Diego two days before Thanksgiving and says, 'I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing. Forty-five years of misery is enough.

 'Pop, what are you talking about?' the son screams.

 "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,' the father says. 'We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Denver and tell her.'

 Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. 'Like heck they're getting divorced,' she shouts, 'I'll take care of this.'

 She calls Jacksonville immediately, and screams at her father, 'You are NOT getting divorced.  Don't do a single thing until I get there.  I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow.  Until then, don't do a thing.  DO YOU HEAR ME?' and hangs up.

 The old man hangs up the phone and turns to his wife. 'Okay.' he says, 'They're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way.

Thank you!


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 11/16/2008 9:38 PM (GMT -6)   

K9, Very funny..........now we just have to put some smiles on the members faces too.  I have found over the years what saves me is that I can laugh at myself.

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: Give her a pack of M&M's and tell her to arrange them in alphabetical order  rolleyes

Giggles to you.

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


k9lov3r
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 230
   Posted 11/18/2008 5:03 PM (GMT -6)   

THING I WONDER about confused

Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is a boxing ring square?

Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

Why do they call them apartments if they are together?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?

Why is it that to stop Windows, you have to click on "Start"?

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?

 

MJ smilewinkgrin


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 11/18/2008 6:31 PM (GMT -6)   

MJ, I liked those.  Thanks.  come on all join in if you know a story or a joke.  Laughter is good medicine.

Inspiring Music

A minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building.

Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play. "Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently.
"But you'll have to think of something to play after I make the
announcement about the finances."

During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters,we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected, and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."

At that moment, the substitute organist played, "The Star Spangled
Banner."


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& GERD  Forums
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.~Mahatma Gandhi~
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

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