Thanks for the support guys, I feel bad for being so down but it's so hard, I have never experienced anything so challenging. The voice is part of a person's identity, and when it is compromised for a long time, it seems to have a massive impact on the psyche. Not only can I not speak well, I can't feel properly happy or sad, because of the effects on the larynx, and the pain that ensues from it.
I used to sing, and it was a huge part of my life, and now I can hardly speak. I miss singing like my right arm, and it is almost like I am grieving, but I can't even grieve properly because I can't get emotional. My feelings are all on lockdown.
In addition, when my vocal chords are not working properly, I can't think in words. It's as though thinking words is connected with my larynx, and one is directly effected by the other. SO when I am in pain and my vocal chords are ineffective, I can't think, and I go on to auto pilot, I am like a zombie. I honestly feel less intelligent when I am having a bad day.
Thankyou for your patience, I really felt the need to express how massive the impact of this has been. I feel weak, powerless and totally isolated. This whole experience has been totally disempowering.
I intend to ask my doc for a referral to a counsellor. I need some support desperately.
Thanks for being there.