I understand to well how everything changes in your life when you lose a child. Our son died in a car crash when he was just 21 and it has been 20 years now.
I have a dx of depression and anxiety along with GERD. I have always had a bad habit of worrying about the "what ifs" but after our son died it seemed to escalate.
This type of anxiety is known as anticipatory anxiety.
Anticipatory anxiety is where a person experiences increased levels of anxiety by thinking about an event or situation in the future. The worries you experience specifically focus on what you think might happen, often with catastrophic predictions about the event.
To begin treating anticipatory anxiety, we must be able to admit that we cannot predict the future. Any scenario we are able to imagine is nothing more than speculation and fabrication.
I have a therapist who has helped me to learn how to stay grounded but I still find I will fall into the "what if" thinking. I am wondering if you have ever tried therapy to help you deal with all you have been through.
We seem to share something in common as I was just 42 when our son died and it felt like my life was over for a very long time. Allow yourself to grieve in your own way and remember there is no time limit on how long you grieve for your son, Chris. I still cry for my son but also I try to remember all the love we shared in the 21 years he was with us.
~~Kitt~~Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease. www.healingwell.com"If you can't change the world, change your world"