Well, here goes, my journey from heartburn, reflux, to barretts, to wrap & hernia fixed and gall bladder taken out. I wake up Monday the 11th of April, get up, take my meds, feed my animals, get dressed, grab my purse. and off to the Pre op festival.. I go to my mom's house because she has been my rock since this long road began..she may be 81 the 15th of april, but she is in better health then I am, God loves her!!!!! So here we r on the road, having never been to this hospital, my mom is driving slow looking for the entrance..and behind her, a car horn honks, she happliy tells them where to go and they pass her...we meet them at the stop light.There they r waiting for light to change just like us, so we wave, I don't give in and stick my tounge out like I wanted too, and off we go again...poof the entrance shows up and we r getting near, where my adventure begins.
We park , we go in, find the sign in desk, mom goes and sit down..I stand there with pen in hand, struck dumb, wondering what I was called on the day I was born, while I was having this senior moment,
Thinking maybe I should just make something up, it dawns on me Oh yea!! Cheryl, but Cheri to my friends. I look around at the people behind the desk, and made up my mind, Better call myself Cheryl...Dont know a sole and they look important to my health, so thought it wise and then added my last name just to show my mind returned from the beyond... I now go and sit next to my mom who is happily watching the TV...The View was on and since I know mom loves the show I figure wow this isn't so bad after all....
As I sit watching TV, a nice young man, who's no older them my kids, calls Cheryl..about then I was wondering if I could make a run for it or not, my mom pokes me in the side, I stand...this nice young man says "follow me" and off I go thinking so far so good, knees are still working....We go down the hall, he shoes me a chair, I sit...reservations, not tests, shaking and wanting to run just for reservations...!!!! so I drag out my ID insurance cards and stuff...he looks at the computer and tells me where I live, I said yeaaaa, He knows my phone number...ok....then I decide uncle sam must of knew I was coming today and called ahead. cuz I know it wasnt the insurance guys...If they had there way I would of had all this stuff done at a car wash or something...Acted like it was coming out of there pockets ...grrrrrrrrrr...... enough of them!..ok back now sitting with my mom, the view is over...told her why I was at desk for so long...the guy that took my information said something about a copy machine and a few mumbles .... but NOW I was ready for the pre op tests.
Sitting, I hear my name, Cheryl...getting used to that name by now I quickly look up...There stands a 60yr old little lady smiling, and I think to myself, Wow, She's around my age, so far so good..until I here the words again "please follow me" I stand and follow, like a good girl, she shows me to a small room and I look up and notice that chair with the long extra arm and all the needles and tubes...and I start thinking nice lady? she's the vampire!! well she starts pulling tube after tube from the wall, and setting them down in front of me....I look around for the other people who r going to help me fill them up...nope no one around, just me and dracula's woman...now out comes the rubber band and the slapping of the veins, She smiles..Fangs, I know I saw fangs, And here I was. No Holy water or garlic, but before I could turn my fingers in to a cross....the neddle was in my arm and the rich red stuff was flowing like the Nile.......When I awoke, I sat up wondering what day it was, and if I was doomed to forever walk the night..never knowing sunlight on my face...oh back to the story huh?....the words again..."follow me".....this time no smile from me. I was going to be more vigilent...she wasnt going to get anything else from me...HA..she smiles and hands me a little plastic cup and points to a room...Well since it looked like a restroom I kinda put 2 and 2 together and figured she wanted me to water the cup, she then hands me a handi-wipe and says from front to back. I guess all the women reading this knows what I mean...and off I go...sort of...I sit, holding the cup like it made out of poison...and I sit...well darn my bladder locks as if the handiwipe was made of super glue, I sigh...looking over at the sink in the room wondering if I should get up and hobble over and turn the water on, remember pants r now down around my feet, so Hobble is all i could do then pow!!!!! well not really more like a trickle, but filled the bottom of the cup...I did it!!!! So standing up dressed now, holding this cup in my hands, I was looking around wondering what to do next, when the vampire, now lets out this shriek.."I forgot to tell you, put it in that little door", So when I finally peal myself off the ceiling, cup still tight in my hand I go to little door, and deposit.
"Follow me" so off I go, thinking I have no more to give, I am wasting away, she takes me to the next room...we go in and I hear "strip to the waist and put this gown on" wow she wants my shirt...she's a size 2 and here I am a size 14 (oh maybe she's having a yard sale) by now my mind is going. I guess thats happens from the loss of fluids...so I figure if I want to leave this place I better do as she says, so I pick up this gown, my eyebrows shoot up to my hair line, this gown has three armholes, then from behind the other side of the screen i hear only use 2 armholes and leave garment open in front I need access..whew close call cuz I could not think what the other armhole of the gown was for! i tell her I am ready, I step around the screen, there stands the shreiking vampire, holding this page of blue stickers my grandkids would love to get there hands on, she tells me to lay down, so I do and she starts sticking these stickers all over my body,so far so good, then she drags out all these wires with clothes pins attached to the ends of them all tangled up, looks like a spaghetti feed, and starts cliping them up to me...still so far so good, when she was done with that, she tells me lay still for 90 seconds, so I start counting one, two, three, and so on. I make it to 77 and she says ok all done here, you r normal with slow heartbeat. I wanted to tell her she if she would of waited till the full 90 like she told me,it probally would of said ,crazy with a regular heartbeat, but I was ready to get all these nooldes hanging off of me off..so she unpluggs me, i was kinda glad, didnt want a free pernement for my hair if the electric decided to back up and attach me thru all those wires.!!!! well i stand still with gown open and the third armhole hanging there, I decide to put my same arm thru 3rd armhole,...well I'll be darn if it finally made sence...guess I wasnt as far gone as i thought..
"follow me" again with the follow me, oh well maybe vampires that shreik only know a few words...so off we go, down this hall, up this hall, till I was so lost...I began to wonder if I would ever find my way back to my mom...she then stops at this little room and hand me a key, "put clothes in there", she was locking up my clothes, never to be seen again...oh well...poof, then she was gone, like a creature of the night...and lo and behold she forgot to take the key with her, ah ha I will show her, I will retrieve my clothes when I am done, my shirt wont be in here silly yard sale after all!!!..Well now out comes this young girl, about 14, or so she looks ...."follow me" she'sssssssssss I am begining not to trust that word!!! But knowing that I must do as asked to make sure I get my shirt back, she takes me to this room that has very low lighting...has me press up against this panel as she moves it up and down, till my chin is resting apon the top and again i hear the words hold still take deep breath and ruuuummmmmmmmm click, then I hear a opps...now knees have gone to jello and my chin is the only thing holding me up, ok one more time ruuuuuuuuuuuummmmm click, good she says, now i hear turn to the left grab overhead bar and hold still, rummmmmmmmmmm click,....now she's says what r you having done I tell her stomach wrap hihatal hernia repaired and gall bladder out. she smiles, No fangs, maybe this one is a vamp in training. I did say she looked kinda young..wow I had that done 12 yrs ago she says... had it done when she was 20, wow the older I get the younger everyone looks!!! I asked what to expect? She said the first couple of weeks I would hate my doc the world and life in general, but it get better and better after that and she loves the way she feels...so guess I will have it done Thursday the 14th of april after all...
Well I am back with my shirt, I quickly dress, the little old vamp I mean lady might return soon...the girl of 14 thats really 32 says, just go out that door...thinking ok but if I am not at the hospital thursday I am still wandering these halls looking for my mom....so with fingers crossed I go out the door and poof I had gone in a comlete circle....there sits my mom, still watching the TV..I go up to her, smile and say done!!!!! so as we go out the door, me with the thought in my mind am I going to turn into ash? well..nope still all in one piece...guess I will just have to glow in the dark from my last nuking...and yea I get to live in the sunlight ....thats it from the festival of Pre-Op testing...Now I am off to Carl's Jr. and having the biggest baddest burger they have, kind of figure it maybe my last for awhile .....Well I will be back on after I have the deed done...talk at u all soon and take care Cheri