Eye on the prize

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somedaysarediamonds
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2011
Total Posts : 363
   Posted 7/24/2011 2:36 PM (GMT -6)   
I see by my new moniker that I'm no longer a "new member". I'm now a regular member. I'm not quite sure how that was decided since I still very much feel like a new one.

I only know one thing or for sure - no longer being called a new member doesn't mean I know any more about anything except my own diagnosis and suggested treatment which all came from my GI doc, the hospital test results and the recommendations of my prospective surgeon.

I don't think any of the people posting on this helpful forum ever really intend to misspeak, offend, step over the line or speak out of turn. But from reading older threads I see that it can happen and I've learned from one week's experience being here that it does.

It seems as if there is a fine line between wanting to help someone or offer encouragement and jumping out on a limb to offer ideas on what someone ought or ought not to do and for me, that holds true wherever you are, and not just in a medical forum.

This whole concept of sharing while sick is new to me. I've obviously manned up and suffered from my own symptoms for what seems like now more time than I should have and it's all come crashing down on me within the last two months.

I hope nothing I have said to anyone has been misinterpreted. The words I have written have been about my own pain and about what this horrible condition does not just to the individual experiencing the symptoms but to their family life, their relationships and to the possible good they could be accomplishing in their life if the did not have this condition called GERD.

It's more than heartburn. It's more than burping too much. It's more than an occasional night's loss of sleep and it's more than avoiding chocolate or alcohol or hot sauce. Way much more.

I used to take the complaints of a relative who had HH and GERD much too lightly. I though many years ago that this person should just buck up and stop whining so much.

I'm glad to report that she has been very kind to me since my own situation sky-rocketed out of control and she has been there for me when I needed to vent and I'm very grateful.

I pray for the day that I won't wake up and throw up. I look forward to even the possibility of no more bleeding gums or cavities caused by acid in my mouth at night. I cherish the thought of not being afraid to eat and sleep and I will set off a Roman Candle on the day I no longer wake with acid pouring out of my mouth all over my pretty pillow.

I hope everyone who posts on this thread - if anyone does - will understand me and accept me for just who I am. An old gal from Oklahoma who loves life and travel and family and dancing and music and fun but who enjoyed it all a whole lot more before the acid took over.

I hope to be better soon after the surgery but I'm still very much afraid I won't.
I guess I'll find out soon.

And so it goes . . .

couchtater
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 14475
   Posted 7/24/2011 3:01 PM (GMT -6)   
Regular memberships is granted when you have posted a certain number of post.
I'm a veteran member only because I've done many posts over the last two years. I'm still learning. :)

I'm a GA peach/ southern belle/ simple old school marm...
I'm here to help anyone who needs help in their battle against GERD, because once someone helped me.

I have a feeling that the surgery will be the best thing for you.
Joy

mudmagnetmum
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 1604
   Posted 7/24/2011 3:06 PM (GMT -6)   
Halloweenbaby, you are always welcome here. We all try to help, but we all also have bad days and rant days when it all gets too much!

I hope things turn round for you very soon.

MMM
New stuff: GERD. Interstitial Cystitis
Lifelong stuff: Food allergies, eczema, asthma

somedaysarediamonds
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2011
Total Posts : 363
   Posted 7/24/2011 3:08 PM (GMT -6)   
Well, I've posted more than my share in the past week and I imagine people have grown weary with them.

I deleted some of them because of their sheer volume and I didn't even like to read them myself.

I am gliding ever closer to the day when I'll have to decide and commit to surgery and the only thing I know is I can't continue as I am.

I did notice that you have been around a while Joy and I'm sure you benefit a great number of people with your wisdom and experience.

I know I have a lot more sympathy for people with GERD than I used to.

It'll all come out in the wash. We tend to say stuff like that in Oklahoma where I live and in Texas where I was born.

Maybe if I hang around I can help someone someday in the future. For right now I just want to get the surgery done and find out what my future holds

Thanks,
Rita
Toto, we're not in Kansas anymore. - Dorothy

CRABBYGAIL
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 21
   Posted 7/24/2011 3:42 PM (GMT -6)   
Rita, I can see that you have had a really bad time with your reflux! I can sympathize completely, and could have written some of your posts myself! After 20 years and taking every PPI on the market and my GI finally mixing Dexilant and Reglan, (a not safe med) I began to get a little relief.

Then, I had a bout of Gastritis, and never got any better after that! I understand what you have been going through!

I was so unsure about it all, and waited for another year, even after the GI found a segment of Barretts during the EGD. I still wasn't convinced that I could do it. Then in Jan. of this year, when I was so much worse, I decided to have the NF, after almost two years from when the doc first recommended it.

I waited until the summer because I am retired and keep my grandchildren. (They are both teachers.) I just didn't think I could have them go to daycare and have their parents spend half of their paychecks in child care costs!

I am now so glad that I had the surgery, just sorry that I waited so long. If the surgeon you see this week meets your expectations, go for it! It sounds like you are a tough girl and you can certainly handle the recovery.

Today, I am a little miserable because I have maybe eaten too much, or tried too many new foods in the last week. I will go back to my soft, bland, uninviting diet for a few days and see if that could have been it. Still, it is nothing, compared to the bile in my throat 24-7!

I will be praying that you have a successful appointment on Wednesday!
Gail

somedaysarediamonds
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2011
Total Posts : 363
   Posted 7/24/2011 3:57 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks, Gail.

I want so badly to be better. We went to church today (my second time out of the house this week) and I knew I wouldn't be able to cook lunch. The food just turns my stomach. The thought of actually cooking it, eating it and losing it from nausea is just more than I can handle.

I finally start to feel "tolerable" after 5 or 6 pm and feel a little like a human being by bedtime. I used to go to bed before midnight but once the acid got so terribly bad and the LES started staying open all the time I just hate to turn in. The reason being because I know once I go to sleep, I have to wake up and when I wake up I'm so very sick and the whole thing starts over again like some stupid acidic nightmare.

I've said all that before however.

Denise suggested that I post a new thread and I had already done it and a few people have posted to it as you can see. She also suggested that I stick to my own thread rather than randomly posting all over the place and I had made that decision already myself as well.

I think it was Denise - I don't know anything for sure anymore.

I'm glad you understand what I'm talking about. It makes me feel a bit better. I'm an active, busy and caring person. I used to be. I think you saw where I had to retire because of the pressure with my job after the acid got so bad.

It's not JUST acid even though it really is but it is the RESULTS of the acid that wears us out when it's really really bad.

My vision blurs from dry eyes. My sinuses throb and my nose bleeds etc etc etc. Too many to list and everyone who is really bad knows them as well.

The hospital nurse who did the manometry test on me last week said "Well, at least you don't have acid shooting out of your ears yet". I thought she was kidding and she said sadly she was not. Said she'd seen everything in the world on that hospital testing table and none of it was to be taken lightly.

I'm tired of sitting on the sofa. My husband and I just moved to a lovely home. Small but lovely and we moved because I thought I wasn't going to make it when we didn't know for sure what was causing all the symptoms.

It took the recent testing to make things plain as your nose and I'm not looking back. I don't have to lose another tooth to acid reflux and I'm not going to.

I thank you for understanding.

Post Edited (halloweenbaby) : 7/24/2011 4:02:26 PM (GMT-6)


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 7/24/2011 4:55 PM (GMT -6)   
Halloweenbaby
 
Hey there, this is Kitt, your peer and moderator of this great forum.  I am sorry you deleted your messages from other threads so I cannot read exactly what happened but please know that you are very welcome here.

Support groups are a place for people to give and receive both emotional and practical support as well as to exchange information. People with health conditions, as well as their friends and families find support groups to be a valuable resource and get confirmation that their feelings are "normal", educate others, or just let off steam. IMHO joining a support group is joining a family.  Even family members misunderstand each other at times and I am glad you are remaining in the family. You are an important member of this forum.

I can sense your pain and frustration in dealing with your GERD.  Being new to forums I too ran into problems back when and I still occasionally will post something that is not taken in the way I meant it to be.  I also know that my major medical problems are anxiety and depression which cause me to be more sensitive.   I have a 29 year hx of learning to deal with my feelings and yup I still get it wrong more times then I care to count.

I hope you know that I am here for each of you and my email is wide open if you have any questions or concerns or just need a ear to bend.

I am just an old lady from MN - devil   -

We are all here to help each other and I am so happy you have found us!

Keep on talking to us and I hope your surgery will take away the pain you are now suffering.  Pain can wear you down .

Gentle Hugs,

Kitt


~~Kitt~~
Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease.
www.healingwell.com

"If you can't change the world, change your world"

somedaysarediamonds
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2011
Total Posts : 363
   Posted 7/24/2011 5:44 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks, Kitt. The thing is that I DO know the difference between depression and GERD and I have had to learn it the hard way. I'm also learning that I'm much stronger than I ever thought I was before and I already knew I was strong.

I'm a planner, an organizer and a busy part of my community and church. I've started businesses, I've written five books and had my own newspaper column for the last ten years. I have hobbies and enjoy exercising and being active. I'm not one to sit around and mold but that's exactly what the problem with GERD, HH and the open LES have done to me slowly over 20+ years and now very rapidly over the last 6 years and dwindling down to the last 2 months when it's been a total nightmare.

I am a strong person but I can't beat GERD by myself. I can no longer take medication to mask the symptoms and I can't hide the weight I'm losing or my lack of appetite in front of others. And I get tired SO tired of explaining to people that it's more than just a case of acid stomach yet most people just do not comprehend it at all.

It's very kind of you to post on my new thread. There seems to have been a misunderstanding due to poor choice of words and/or the way they were phrased without clarity.

I just didn't appreciate the suggestion that I was depressed or the fact that a word like psychopath was even used at all. As I said earlier I did informational counseling for a medical doctor for 11 years and there are just some things rational people say and some things that should remain unsaid by anyone other than an actual physician.

That being said, I'd like to put it behind me and I'd also like to remove my posts from other threads where I posted just trying to be a part of things and learn more about what the forum was like. I will leave them there however because it's too much trouble to go to.

I do appreciate your educated words and kind thoughts and wishes.
They will be remembered as I face the prospect of surgery this coming week.

Thank you,
Rita
Toto, we're not in Kansas anymore. - Dorothy

opnwhl4
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 4961
   Posted 7/24/2011 6:06 PM (GMT -6)   
Rita-
I am very happy to hear you are staying with us. I also agree you really need to concentrate on getting your health back. There is nothing wrong with just reading for a while and only post when the need really hits you. I know I have had weeks like that and am pretty sure others have too.
Remember we are here for you and will help any way we can. Whether it's just reading a rant you post to vent or offering some advice.

Take care,
Bill
opnwhl4
Moderator: GERD/Heartburn
Nissen 6/06 and 5/09

kyheart
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2011
Total Posts : 513
   Posted 7/24/2011 6:38 PM (GMT -6)   
Rita
I am very happy to hear you are staying... If you read my post to your other thread.. well I won't rehash.. just happy you have decided to stay.. I know what it is to wake up throwing up acid.. I did that for a year, only I did it in the middle of the nite. I was fortunate that I wasn't ill when I woke in the AM to get ready for work..
This forum has been a very special sanctuary for me during my recovery. I hope it can be that for you also..
Have a great nite and a wonderful morning ahead..
Sandi

somedaysarediamonds
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2011
Total Posts : 363
   Posted 7/25/2011 7:43 AM (GMT -6)   
I don't give advice. That's one thing I won't be doing. I've never been involved in a forum like this before and it's rather odd dealing with faceless names. I'm a people person and I'm older and I'm used to being the one other people come to i.e. by grown kids, their friends our neighbors many of whom are like family to us etc.

It's hard to be almost helpless. And it's sad to have to say those words. GERD can be and for me has become incapacitating. I've enumerated the symptoms I continue to experience ad nauseum so I'll be trying not to bore anyone with them but I have to say again that I've lost all quality of life and if it hadn't been for the nurse who administered the last tests I had I wouldn't ever have thought of expressing how I feel with those words. She said that's the point I've reached and what I was having the tests for and she was right.

It finally rained last night where I live after a long dry spell and continual days of 110 degrees and more. Transformers had been exploding all over town due to the unbearable heat and the sounds of those explosions were always followed by whatever firetrucks were available to put out the fires.

When it started to rain last night my husband and I went out and sat on the front porch and just watched it. It was after midnight and my pain and nausea had let up a bit and I remember wishing I could just sit out there all night but that wasn't possible.

I went to bed as I always do and I prayed. I always pray for others first not out of the goodness of my heart anymore but almost hoping to gain some favor with the stomach gods that they'll have pity on my own pathetic old tummy. So far it has not worked.

I have heretofore been a fairly normal individual coming and going as other effectual people do in their daily lives. That changed dramatically about two years ago and the change since then has been a memorable one to say the least.

At any rate, I'm up today and have two things I'm going to try to leave the house to do. They are fun and happy things and I hope I can get them done before the vomiting starts and the temp gets over 100 and stays there. Heat has become the enemy as well.

I have very much appreciated the professional comments and the attitude of the four moderators on this forum and if not for my recent days of panic and nausea I probably would never have posted randomly. Sitting alone in a room with a computer wondering if you're doing the right thing with your health and surgeon choice etc are not my idea of a fun day but that's where I found myself last week....

I'm hoping the meeting with the surgeon in two days will settle everything down. I have to try to look at it that way and I guess I'll know for sure fairly soon.

Thanks,
Rita

Post Edited (halloweenbaby) : 7/25/2011 7:51:25 AM (GMT-6)


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 7/25/2011 2:03 PM (GMT -6)   
Rita,
 
I am glad your going to get out and about today.  I am also a people person I suspect I am older then you but over the years I have learned much from people younger than myself.  Each person takes from the forum what helps them most.  We will always listen to you so know you can come here and share your feelings.
 
FYI, You can spot a moderator because their posts indicate that they are moderators. Also you will see it in our signatures.  Bill and I are the Mods for this forum.
 
However Denise and Joy are Moderators in hiding :-)   - they are so awesome about watching over the forum,  sharing and advicing members and I would take both of them as Mods for this Forum in a New York minute.    In fact they know more about GERD and surgery then I do. 
 
Thank you for your kind comments.
 
 
~~Kitt~~
Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease.
www.healingwell.com

"If you can't change the world, change your world"

couchtater
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 14475
   Posted 7/25/2011 2:07 PM (GMT -6)   
blush   blush blush blush blush
Just being handy.
Joy

aeshleyrose
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2011
Total Posts : 656
   Posted 7/26/2011 2:16 AM (GMT -6)   
Hey Rita,
I know this is early but I'll be on a train tomorrow with limited Internet access and wanted to say good luck on Wednesday! I have no doubt the surgery will go smoothly, and I look forward to reading about your road to recovery. I hope it goes without a hitch!

Good luck! May this give you some much needed relief.
Ashley

somedaysarediamonds
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2011
Total Posts : 363
   Posted 7/26/2011 5:32 AM (GMT -6)   
Ashley,

I really appreciate your reply. I'm sorry if I misunderstood anything you or anyone else said. I believe it was you whom I misunderstood. I'm not really sure at this point because the names are too many and too new to me.

I have been throwing up acid and this morning actually didn't make it to the bathroom in time and my husband is having to clean up after me now and it's only 6:30 am. With this LES wide open my food is killing me no matter what it is and it just won't stay down either way.

I've never been this sick before today and my appt with the surgeon is tomorrow. I tried to get out and do a couple of things yesterday and it just didn't work. I'm so weak from 6 months of this acid.

I can't do anything but wait and I feel so helpless. Without my husband here I don't know what I'd do and yet I feel so guilty that he is having to do all of the work for the first time in his life. I want to be busy and productive and to enjoy myself but I'm just too sick.

I apologize again for taking anything anyone said in the wrong way. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with in my life. I just pray the surgery works. I don't think I can go on like this.

Rita
Toto, we're not in Kansas anymore. - Dorothy

opnwhl4
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 4961
   Posted 7/26/2011 6:12 AM (GMT -6)   
Sorry you are having a rough morning again. Hang in there and take it one day at a time. Hoping your surgeon can get you worked in this week and stop your daily agony. Just curious if you have tried to wake up a bit early and eat a couple saltine crackers to see if you could stop this cycle if you had something to absorb the acid before you got up?
Just one more day to get answer from your surgeon.

Take care,
Bill
opnwhl4
Moderator: GERD/Heartburn
Nissen 6/06 and 5/09

somedaysarediamonds
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2011
Total Posts : 363
   Posted 7/26/2011 6:20 AM (GMT -6)   
I'm awake by 4 am the first time from just straight acid. I drift off back to sleep and then by 5:30 or 6 it's the nausea and gas that wake me up. This morning it was throwing up and diarrhea and I lost it before I got up.

I have started being nauseated all night and feel it when I go in and out of sleep. I keep Pepto and Mylanta at my bedside and drink them through the night.

My chest is literally on fire right now and my gums hurt so bad I can hardly close my mouth.

It never ends and just seems to get worse every day...
Thanks

opnwhl4
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 4961
   Posted 7/26/2011 8:07 AM (GMT -6)   
Rita-
I am so sorry you are going through such a rough battle with this. I wish I had more ideas to try and ease it until you get the surgery.

I know how much it hurts and wish no one would have to feel that pain.

Take care,
Bill
opnwhl4
Moderator: GERD/Heartburn
Nissen 6/06 and 5/09

dencha
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 7180
   Posted 7/26/2011 9:05 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Rita,

I second Bill's wishes. There is no doubt that the surgery will be a blessed relief for you. Patients with symptoms like yours are pretty much guaranteed a good outcome, provided their surgeon is competent in the procedure. Those like me, with atypical symptoms are the ones who are the big question mark. Thankfully it did make my symptoms much better.

Hang in there. It won't be long now.
Denise

couchtater
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 14475
   Posted 7/26/2011 10:07 AM (GMT -6)   
Hang in there, Rita.
I feel your pain and hope you feel better soon.
Joy

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 7/26/2011 10:52 AM (GMT -6)   
Rita,
 
I am sorry for your pain and I do understand how much GERD has taken over your life.  I am praying that tomorrow will be the beginning of better times for you.
 
Sending you postive thoughts as you head to surgery.
 
Kindly,
Kitt
~~Kitt~~
Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn and Heart/Cardiovascular Disease.
www.healingwell.com

"If you can't change the world, change your world"

somedaysarediamonds
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2011
Total Posts : 363
   Posted 7/26/2011 12:08 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks everyone. It's good to know you have at least an idea of what's going on with me. Just about everyone else I know thinks I have a sour stomach. They all say "Yeah, I had that one time too". They don't have a clue.

We're getting doctor bills already and our insurance is balking about a few of them - as if they weren't necessary - even refusing to pay for a GI office visit following the testing. I don't get it at all.

It's enough you have to try to get your health back.
Dealing with office people who see you as a number really stinks sometimes.

I'm sticking to chicken soup today. :)

dencha
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 7180
   Posted 7/26/2011 2:48 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Rita,

I hope things go better for you today. Good luck with the insurance.
Hopefully you will be able to get in to have the surgery soon.
Take care,
Denise

elsiem
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2011
Total Posts : 131
   Posted 7/26/2011 3:22 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Rita.

Good luck for your appointment tomorrow. I have been thinking of you & hope you get all the answers you are looking for from your surgeon including a date to have your surgery soon.

Im sending you special positive vibes & hope you are having a good day.

Take care

Lynda

somedaysarediamonds
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2011
Total Posts : 363
   Posted 7/26/2011 5:40 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Everyone!

I got a phone call from the another person I was hoping to hear from who had NF surgery in my town as well. She said my surgeon assisted her surgeon because mine has a specialty in it. She works at the hospital in surgery admittance and sees what all people come in to have surgery for so I guess he's done his share.

She said she didn't have a bit of trouble after the first two weeks of watching her diet etc. Said she'd have it done again in a heartbeat. All in all she was very encouraging and I was very happy she called since I'm getting down to the wire as far as possibly having it this Friday as his nurse suggested.

I've had a decent day since I've had nothing to eat but soup so far and the nausea isn't too bad. I wanted to get out again today since it didn't quite reach 110 but I'm still here in my robe and slippers. I have to get out tomorrow to see the surgeon so I'll settle for the good phone call today.

Thanks again everyone. I'll let you know what happens next.

Rita
Toto, we're not in Kansas anymore. - Dorothy
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