RE-EDITED - I am now two weeks post op. So this is more of a before and after journey through the whole process of the Nissen procedure.
Currently I am at the recovery stage.
EDITED POST - Actually now down to 4 hours to go people.
Thats tomorrow. I am having it happen, tomorrow! Wowzer....
As the title proclaims, I have started my countdown. 21 days!!
And I just don't know how to feel about it.
Went to my enterologist yesterday, and he said that it's time. Things are only getting worse in there. My valve is totally open - thus absolutley no barrier between stomach and esophagus. All as a result of hernia!
So - how am I supposed to feel about it...?
On one hand, I'm excited. Knowing that in a couple of months I may be able to live a semi normal life. Heck, let's be honest here, I am actually hoping for the best! The kinda life where I can eat pizza, have a beer, or have a Sunday afternoon lunch followed by a snooze with the rest of the family.
Will settle if need be for some semblance of normalcy.
On the other, have never had any "procedures" performed upon my person! So to say that I'm a little stressed about it is an understatement. Mix the normal common aprehension with the fact that I have had a history of anxiety and panic attacks, well... I'm not looking forward to it that much at all!
So that's my conundrum at this junction.
Overall - I have managed my anxiety very well over the past years almost to the point where I would like to say that I'm cured! But always there lurks that doubt, and I guess it is more prevelant, obviously, when it comes to health related issues. As anyone with anxiety may be able to attest. So I am very positive about it and am going to do it! It's just that that nagging fear of what it's going to be like afterwards that haunts me. Like, will I freak out when coming to because I've had objects within me. That there's peculiar pains at my core! That my inards have been shuffled like some deck of cards. That my normal functioning, like swallowing, burping etc has been altered.
I know. It's just worries, and other people have survived it all and gone through the pain. So why couldn't I?
It's like - Man Up! Just Do it!. Concentrate on the positive outcomes in the long run. Get it over with. I am. I'm going for it. There are no but's. I shall venture where many of you have braved before.
I guess, I am just asking for some support from you kind and already forthcoming people. Some advice, reassurance. Tips from your wisdom.
Also. Am Idoing the right thing? I believe I am. My throat lining is raw and just short of Barretts (I hope). I have an reaction to PPI's. Ulsanic sort of works margianlly. But I do believe I need a long term solution. So am I doing the right thing. Eish.... I believe so!?
One just wants to know they're doing the right thing and what to expect. There are no garuntees, only hope and good expectancies that might just be the difference between a miserable from now and always, or an amazing success blessed with many pain free meals, drinks and sleeps in my future.
There's no turning back. All that's going to happen when it happens, is going to happen! Good and bad. I just wish to know how I'm meant to approach this thing. How I feel about it.
Well. Promise you I will keep you posted. Hopefully - and as far as possible, daily! Pre and post op! For all you especially that may be in the same boat as I in the future. Part of me wants to not think about it. Worry only about it a couple of days before the procedure. But I guess, like many of you reading this, I'm just not wired like that. I want to know and understand what I'm going through. So best if I could interact with the likes of you that have the experience, may be experiencing, and may yet experience all that goes with this horrible affliction. For it is you that best understands.
21 days. Three weeks. Not long to go.
So.... the countdown, it has begun.