You are not alone in having a surgeon who didn't prepare you properly for your procedure. Believe me, it seems to be the way most surgeons operate. (LOL...no pun intended!) I don't know if it's because they're afraid to scare away their perspective patient, or simply because they haven't experienced recovery themselves and don't follow their patients long enough to learn about it second-hand.
You're in good company. Many post-Nissen/post-TIF patients at your stage of recovery are fearful that they'll never achieve the improvement in quality of life they were seeking. It's a very intense and very long recovery, and you're not alone in getting discouraged. It WILL get better, though. You're in the worst part of recovery, and have a lot of healing ahead.
It takes time for your body to heal and adjust to the changes that have been made in your upper GI tract. Although you don't have the laproscopic incisions, your stomach has undergone major surgery, just like post-Nissen patients.
It sounds as if the barium swallow has irritated your healing stomach, but you can be assured that this is a very temporary setback. Baby your stomach until it starts feeling better again. This will all be just a memory someday, and you'll be healed and enjoying your life again.
I know that there are lots of very negative and scary posts on the internet. Please don't go looking for information there! Most of the problems probably aren't even problems, but rather, people who are overreacting to their early recovery. Some, certainly are a result of inexperienced surgeons and poor results, but none of it relates to your experience.
Keep in mind that most people who have procedures like the ones we've had never post online at all. They just go happily along with their lives. The people who post on the internet are more likely to be doing so because they're having problems.
If you can just surrender to your recovery and follow it where it leads, you'll find it much easier to handle. Your body will have to heal and adjust to the changes, and it will take time. You can't rush the process, so if you can find it within yourself to just go with the flow, you'll have a much easier time of it. I know it's hard to be patient and trust in a positive outcome, but you really have no other choice. Work on keeping that anxiety under control...hopefully you'll be off the offending meds soon, and you'll be feeling better because of that as well.
Keep reaching out here! We're here for you. Instead of searching other places for support and information, keep coming back to Healing Well! This is a pretty positive place, which is why I stuck around. If you watch threads over the span of months, you'll find that the vast majority of people who come to the forum in a panic, leave happy they had the surgery.
Hang in there! This too, will pass, and you'll be feeling great again. It definitely takes time and patience. You can do this!
Have a wonderful day,
Words of wisdom by Eckhart Tolle:
"Whatever you fight, you strengthen, and what you resist, persists.”
“Worry pretends to be necessary but serves no useful purpose”
“Accept - then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it.”