Densha, Need some moral support

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

Ruthie Cox
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2012
Total Posts : 31
   Posted 10/11/2012 6:11 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Densha,

I'm writing to you directly because your positive and encouraging words have helped me tremendously over the past 4 weeks post Tif and laproscopic surgery for Hiatal Hernia repair. I know that I am definitely getting better every day. I no longer have pain in left shoulder and neck. The reflux symptoms I was having very badly at first are not nearly as bad, the nausea isn't as intense, but I had to have a barium swallow the day before yesterday and that just set me back physically. The nausea afterward was bad and had to use a Transderm patch to cope with it. I have dealt with depression and anxiety my whole life and this whole experience has been testing me greatly in that regard. I stupidly get on the internet, and although you read posts from someone like you, which are wonderful, you also read a million other posts with very negative and scary results.

Also, my surgeon really did not fill me in on how hard and long this recovery was going to be! But maybe I'm just acting like a baby ( and I had advanced breast cancer and a stem cell transplant 11 years ago)! I'm just so scared I did something that has actually made me feel worse! My reflux was severe, but I never had nausea before and I felt like I wanted to eat, but now at the very least, I have no appetite and at the most, I'm quite nauseated. I just want to cry right now. I'm not good with illness and very lonely from not being able to do a whole lot and being in the house. I also think the patch and all the other drugs I've had to take for this are causing depression and anxiety as they withdraw from my body. I'm very sensitive to drugs and they always seem to mess with my head. The anesthesia kicked my butt worse than anything else. PLEASE DENISE! Tell me it all be ok and I'll be glad I did this some day!

Ruth

dencha
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 7188
   Posted 10/11/2012 7:04 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Ruth,
You are not alone in having a surgeon who didn't prepare you properly for your procedure.  Believe me, it seems to be the way most surgeons operate.  (LOL...no pun intended!)  I don't know if it's because they're afraid to scare away their perspective patient, or simply because they haven't experienced recovery themselves and don't follow their patients long enough to learn about it second-hand.
 
You're in good company.  Many post-Nissen/post-TIF patients at your stage of recovery are fearful that they'll never achieve the improvement in quality of life they were seeking.  It's a very intense and very long recovery, and you're not alone in getting discouraged.  It WILL get better, though.  You're in the worst part of recovery, and have a lot of healing ahead. 
 
It takes time for your body to heal and adjust to the changes that have been made in your upper GI tract.  Although you don't have the laproscopic incisions, your stomach has undergone major surgery, just like post-Nissen patients. 
 
It sounds as if the barium swallow has irritated your healing stomach, but you can be assured that this is a very temporary setback.  Baby your stomach until it starts feeling better again.  This will all be just a memory someday, and you'll be healed and enjoying your life again.
 
I know that there are lots of very negative and scary posts on the internet.  Please don't go looking for information there!  Most of the problems probably aren't even problems, but rather, people who are overreacting to their early recovery.  Some, certainly are a result of inexperienced surgeons and poor results, but none of it relates to your experience.
 
Keep in mind that most people who have procedures like the ones we've had never post online at all.  They just go happily along with their lives.  The people who post on the internet are more likely to be doing so because they're having problems. 
 
If you can just surrender to your recovery and follow it where it leads, you'll find it much easier to handle.  Your body will have to heal and adjust to the changes, and it will take time.  You can't rush the process, so if you can find it within yourself to just go with the flow, you'll have a much easier time of it.  I know it's hard to be patient and trust in a positive outcome, but you really have no other choice.  Work on keeping that anxiety under control...hopefully you'll be off the offending meds soon, and you'll be feeling better because of that as well.
 
Keep reaching out here!  We're here for you. Instead of searching other places for support and information, keep coming back to Healing Well!  This is a pretty positive place, which is why I stuck around.  If you watch threads over the span of months, you'll find that the vast majority of people who come to the forum in a panic, leave happy they had the surgery.
 
Hang in there!  This too, will pass, and you'll be feeling great again.  It definitely takes time and patience.  You can do this!
Have a wonderful day,
Denise
Words of wisdom by Eckhart Tolle:
"Whatever you fight, you strengthen, and what you resist, persists.”

“Worry pretends to be necessary but serves no useful purpose”

“Accept - then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it.”

Ruthie Cox
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2012
Total Posts : 31
   Posted 10/11/2012 7:13 AM (GMT -6)   
Denise,

THANK YOU SO MUCH. I'M SITTING HERE CRYING READING YOUR POST. YOU TRULY ARE AN ANGEL DENISE. I KNOW BECAUSE I'VE BEEN LUCKY ENOUGH TO ENCOUNTER MANY IN MY LIFETIME SO FAR. YOU ARE WONDERFUL.

Ruth

dencha
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 7188
   Posted 10/11/2012 5:14 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Ruth,
I'm very happy to be able to offer support and share my experience with you!  I'm so glad you found the forum and are part of this very supportive community!  This surgery/procedure isn't all that common, and it's great to be among others who understand.
Hang in there,
Denise

Ruthie Cox
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2012
Total Posts : 31
   Posted 10/14/2012 8:50 AM (GMT -6)   
Denise,

Diid you find in your first few weeks of healing, I'm 4 and a half, that you would feel really good one day and then the very next day could feel really lousy? When does it start to even out and become more consistent?

Ruth

dencha
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 7188
   Posted 10/14/2012 9:03 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Ruth,
What you're describing is TOTALLY normal.  It's not a straight path to recovery.  It's a few steps forward, then a few backward--but the backward isn't as far back as it had been.  (Of course an illness can set you back a little more.)  There are ups and downs all along the way.  It will turn around eventually, but it takes time.
It's great you're here on the forum so you're not alone as you take this path!
Hang in there! yeah yeah yeah
Denise
Words of wisdom by Eckhart Tolle:
"Whatever you fight, you strengthen, and what you resist, persists.”

“Worry pretends to be necessary but serves no useful purpose”

“Accept - then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it.”

Ruthie Cox
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2012
Total Posts : 31
   Posted 10/14/2012 9:25 AM (GMT -6)   
You are amazing Denise! It's like you're right here beside me talking! You respond so quickly! Thank you so much. Can I ask another question? I was reading that you were a teacher. I am as well. At what point do you think I can go back to work? Somedays I feel like I could do it and others, like today, I'm flat on my back in bed feeling so lousy. I'm 4 and a half weeks post laproscopic surgery for hiatal hernia and Tiff for acid reflux.

Ruth

dencha
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 7188
   Posted 10/14/2012 9:59 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Ruth,
I think I went back at around 6 weeks.  I'd actually intended on going at 2 weeks half days, but I'm glad I waited.  When you go back you'll feel a little tired for a while, but you'll get back into the swing pretty quickly.  What grade to you teach?
Denise
Words of wisdom by Eckhart Tolle:
"Whatever you fight, you strengthen, and what you resist, persists.”

“Worry pretends to be necessary but serves no useful purpose”

“Accept - then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it.”

Ruthie Cox
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2012
Total Posts : 31
   Posted 10/14/2012 12:26 PM (GMT -6)   
Do you think it's normal to have a day at 4 and half months where your legs are weak and you feel nauseous and have to lay in bed all day? I wish I had your attitude. The oxycotin they gave me I think is causing depression and anxiety now that I'm not taking it anymore and I just have to try to detox it out of my body. I'm sure it affects me physically. Are you Buddhist? You're quotes are very Buddhist. I am subbing at the moment, but am certified to teach Special Ed and Literacy.

Ruth

dencha
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 7188
   Posted 10/14/2012 8:00 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Ruth,
I taught mainly 2nd grade for 25 years...I had a year of 4th, and 14 years co-teaching a 1st-2nd grade.  I loved teaching, and while I'm retired, I'm still tutoring 3 students as well as volunteering a day a week in my son's 3rd grade classroom.  When people ask me if I miss teaching I can honestly say, no. 
 
No, I'm not Buddist, but I do truly believe that we choose our attitudes and create our own happiness.  There's a great book that I listened to on audiobook not long ago, by Eckhart Tolle, called The Power of Now.  I'd recommend it highly, but get the audiobook, because it's a heavy read.  I expect they would have it in your public library.  Eckhart Tolle struggled with depression and overcame it with his discovery of the importance of staying in the NOW. 
 
I think you're right about the oxycotin...it will take some time to get off that and feeling back to normal.  Are you trying to get out and walk as much as possible?  That will get you feeling gradually stronger. 
 
Hang in there!
Denise
PS...we had a family get-together this afternoon/evening.  My son and daughter in law are expecting their second child in December and we threw them a surprise shower with family and close friends.  That's why it took me a while to respond!
Words of wisdom by Eckhart Tolle:
"Whatever you fight, you strengthen, and what you resist, persists.”

“Worry pretends to be necessary but serves no useful purpose”

“Accept - then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it.”

Ruthie Cox
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2012
Total Posts : 31
   Posted 10/15/2012 3:27 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Denise,

I think Eckhart Tolle must be Buddhist because I've been going to Shambahla Meditation Center for 2 years now and The Power of Now is exactly what Buddhism and Meditation is about. It's helped me so much in regards to my anxiety and depression. I've been able to get off all anti depressants and anti anxiety medication (I took for over 15 years) and have never been healthier emotionally and physically in my life. I call myself a Christian-Buddhist because Buddhism definitely has it's limitations, the main one being a failure to acknowledge the fact that God trumps it all. I've had a pretty challenging life, to put it in positive terms, and know first hand, the existence of God (not in a religious sense, but a real sense), but combining that knowledge with the power of communing with Him/Her/It on a daily basis through meditation has had a huge impact on my life.

Anyway, I'm so sensitive to any kind of drug and have figured out that what I've been experiencing the past 2 days is withdrawal from the Oxycotin and the Transderm Patch that the doctor prescribed for nausea. Unfortunately, the drugs make it almost impossible for me to combat the depression and anxiety, but I've been detoxing with a lot of the stuff I took to get off antidepressants and Xanax 2 years ago and I seem to be coming to the other side. Anyway, I've been contemplating what this experience has been teaching me and I have to say it's given me the opportunity to practice patience and has definitely strengthened my compassion for others that struggle with chronic illness. It's also allowed me to reconnect with God in a very real way which is the wonderful aspect of illness (for me anyway).

I have been walking and trying to get back my strength in fits and spurts. When I was on the pain and and nausea meds I could do more, but now the withdrawal has put me back in bed for a couple days, but I'll start up again today or tomorrow. I still feel a little "green", but the emotional "craziness" seems to have abated. Thank God! As I said before, I should have researched this procedure more before I had it so I could have prepared myself better emotionally, physically and financially. I am usually a Type A personality and the fact that I have been caught unprepared is unlike me, but maybe it happened this way because if I had known, I probably wouldn't have done this and I really needed to! I had advanced breast cancer 11 years ago and am lucky to be alive today so I really didn't want to risk the possibility of Barrett's/esophogeal cancer eventually, not to mention the PPI I'm on doubled my Osteoporosis in the year and a half I've been on it.

Anyway, I love meeting amazing people and you are definitely that! Congratulations on another expectant grandchild! And thanks again for you wonderful words of encouragement and support. I hope I won't need much more! I'm just praying now that I can get to work in the next week and a half (that will be 6 weeks post op) cause things are getting a little "hairy" financially. Oh well, can't worry about that now, just need to get better.

Take Care,

Ruth

dencha
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 7188
   Posted 10/15/2012 7:22 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Ruth,
I think your work in meditation and spirituality are wonderful, and I have no doubt that they have the power to help you overcome your emotional challenges. While some depression is clearly related to a chemical imbalance in the brain that needs treatment with some medication, even that can be greatly improved with meditation and changes in thinking. 
 
I can tell you that books like The Power of Now have made a huge diffence in my life and have allowed me to "roll with the punches", as I realize how important staying in the NOW is, rather than dwelling on the past and worrying about the future.  I really hope you seek out the audiobook at the library. 
 
Eckhart Tolle suffered with depression until he made the discoveries that changed his life.  I was ready for the book when I listened to it...I'd already developed a similar attitude, and his book brought many years of work to a higher level.
 
Once you kick the oxycotin (I've heard it's pretty hard to get off it), I'm sure you'll feel better.  Going back to school will be good for you...you'll be back into the world of the healthy!  You'll need to get lots of rest in between work days, but I think you'll do fine.
 
Happy healing!
Denise
Words of wisdom by Eckhart Tolle:
"Whatever you fight, you strengthen, and what you resist, persists.”

“Worry pretends to be necessary but serves no useful purpose”

“Accept - then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it.”

Post Edited (dencha) : 10/16/2012 5:51:33 AM (GMT-6)


Ruthie Cox
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2012
Total Posts : 31
   Posted 10/17/2012 3:00 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Denise,

I'm reading The Power of Now while I recuperate. Just started.

Ruth

dencha
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 7188
   Posted 10/17/2012 3:50 PM (GMT -6)   
Great! Enjoy... turn
Words of wisdom by Eckhart Tolle:
"Whatever you fight, you strengthen, and what you resist, persists.”

“Worry pretends to be necessary but serves no useful purpose”

“Accept - then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it.”

Ruthie Cox
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2012
Total Posts : 31
   Posted 10/19/2012 12:04 PM (GMT -6)   
Denise,

It's been 5 weeks and 2 days since my surgery. When does it start to consistently get better. At what point did you start to feel like your old self consistently? Not one day yes, next day no.

Terrible weather in upstate NY for the past week and a half. Almost constant rain and gloom, which doesn't help.

Ruth

Sweet Potatoe
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2012
Total Posts : 87
   Posted 10/19/2012 1:12 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Ruth,
It is great for me to find you as I had the same TIF Hiatal hernia repair surgery as you 11 days ago. Yes it brings me much relief to know it is going to take a Long time to recover. It is normal to have up and down days. Yesterday I was up and today after trying to advance my diet too fast (Spicy Pumpkin Pie, Tomato pureed spicy) caused surgical site irritation pain. I am a nurse who works on a dementia unit in a Nursing home. I love my Residents so much. I am like a mother hen over them. I also started last year to learn to knit in a knitting class. Knitting gloves right now for my daughter in law for Xmas. That keeps my mind active . I live in Wisconsin so we have been having some grey days now too.
I hope to be a supporting friend to you on this forum as we go thur these ups and downs from this recent surgery. I am doing a daily diary on here to help others as it greatly helps me to.
Thank you. Sending you prayers for healing.
Anne :-)

dencha
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 7188
   Posted 10/19/2012 1:14 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Ruth,
You live in upstate NY?  So do I...way upstate.  We live near Rochester.  Yes, it's been pretty rainy, but the color is magnificient, and I actually love the way it looks against stormy skies!  I love fall and winter!  I know...crazy.  Fall is beautiful and I enjoy the delicious coolness after a hot, hot summer, and I think snow is beautiful.  The bonus of winter (if it's a real winter and not like last year) is that my allergies get to take a break.
 
I'd say maybe 3 or 4 months? At 4 months we went on vacation, and I was doing everything and eating pretty much anything I wanted, within reason.  I was and still am very careful to eat slowly and chew my food thoroughly. 
 
It is a long process, and it takes time.  The problem is that your outsides heal quickly, and it leads you to believe that you should be back to normal.  However, the major surgery you had is healing on the inside and out of sight.
 
Keep the faith.  I think if you can manage to get back to work at least a little, it might just make you feel better.  You won't feel like an invalid, and will start getting back into the swing of life. 
 
It is up and down during the early months, and there can be some bumps in the road even up to a year.  Those bumps become increasingly isolated and far between.  Just try to go with the flow.  You can do this! 
 
((((HUGS))))
Denise
PS--I listened to Eckhart Tolle read the book and it was so soothing...it felt like meditation!  I think the first 5 chapters or so are the most important and helpful.  I listened to the whole thing, but remembered the last few chapters as being less helpful to me.  It's a heavy read, I imagine...listening was blissful. 
 
Enjoy your day, and enjoy every moment of NOW. Remember that today is the only time that is real.  Yesterday was today, but now it doesn't exist.  Tomorrow will become today, but until that time it doesn't exist either!  Enjoy this very moment.  Look for something to be grateful for...I'm sure you have lots if you put your mind to it.  You can't think a negative thought and a positive thought at the same time...You WILL get better, but your body will do it in its own time.  Relax and enjoy the ride!
Words of wisdom by Eckhart Tolle:
"Whatever you fight, you strengthen, and what you resist, persists.”

“Worry pretends to be necessary but serves no useful purpose”

“Accept - then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it.”

Ruthie Cox
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2012
Total Posts : 31
   Posted 10/19/2012 1:46 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Denise,

Thank you so much for your reply:) I live just outside of Albany, NY (Niskayuna). I will go to the library and try to find the audiotape of NOW. I have found the first few chapters soooo powerful and a confirmation of what I already know from having had a near death experience while being treated for advanced cancer (stem cell transplant). I remember the thing that makes me ME (what Tolle calls BEING) didn't die as my body was starting to go and it was trying to go towards a beautiful light that made me feel as if It will all be alright. And I remember not needing to ask any questions about life or existence, I just understood. It was the most wonderful experience and I am truly blessed to have had it. So I actually know exactly what Tolle is describing, but he does a wonderful job of explaining why existence is like it is. Much of it is very similar to the Buddhist teachings I have been learning at my meditation center, but ultimatley, Christ said it best, when HE said, "I AM."

Thank you so much for your support Denise. I go awhile and I'm ok, but then it just starts to get "old" and I just need someone to say AGAIN, that it'll be alright. Thank you for doing that.

Ruth

Ruthie Cox
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2012
Total Posts : 31
   Posted 10/19/2012 1:57 PM (GMT -6)   
Dear Anne:)

How nice of you to post. I would love to pay forward to you what Denise has done for me! It's so funny that I have just taken up knitting as well! I found the exact same thing, that when you knit, you don't feel the pain and nausea. And ironically, the person who taught me to knit is my dearest friend Anne! In fact, I have two very dear friends named Anne (Ann), so there must be something about the name (my middle name is Ann too).

Anyway, at 11 days, I imagine you're in the thick of things. I remember day 11 was when I started to feel some relief. I hope that's the case for you. The first 10 days were pretty hard. I can tell you that things definitely get better, but like Denise says, its slow and small victories every day. Sometimes when I get discouraged, I actually write down all the things that have improved since day 1 post op, so I can actually see that things ARE getting better.

You sound like a wonderful person Anne. I love meeting kindred souls.

Ruth

Yolee
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2012
Total Posts : 127
   Posted 11/8/2012 12:24 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Ruth!
I just wanted to see how you are doing now? I seen your post about the tif and just like hearing success stories because sadly enough the way I feel now I know eventually I will opt for surgery but I know it is a huge decision and I just want to make sure I make the right one..... I hope you are doing great!!
Thanks
Take care always!
Yolee

Ruthie Cox
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2012
Total Posts : 31
   Posted 11/8/2012 5:47 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Yolee,

Yes! I am 8 weeks post op now and I have to say that I have absolutely no acid reflux and I'm not taking any PPI's anymore-so it was a success! I have to tell you though that it is a very difficult operation to recover from if you end up having a hiatal hernia and have to get abdominal laproscopic surgery. Often the cause of acid reflux is a hiatal hernia. My doctor didn't know until he started the TIF procedure that I had the hernia and had to pull out of my throat and do the laproscopic surgery to correct it and then do the TIF on my esophagus. If you had asked me 4 or 5 weeks ago if this was worth it, I would have told you absolutely not, but ultimately I'm glad I've done it now because the meds were making my osteoporosis much worse and could have led eventually to esophageal cancer.

Good luck to you in whatever you decide to do!

Ruth

dencha
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 7188
   Posted 11/8/2012 6:10 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Ruth,
It's great to hear from you! It sounds as if your healing is going very well...happy to hear it!
Happy healing!
Denise
GERD/Heartburn Moderator
Nissen Fundoplication 2/09
Allergy/Asthma

"Whatever you fight, you strengthen, and what you resist, persists.”

“Worry pretends to be necessary but serves no useful purpose”

“Accept - then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it.”Eckhart Tolle

Ruthie Cox
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2012
Total Posts : 31
   Posted 11/8/2012 6:32 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Denise!

Thanks so much for all your kind words and support during the initial post op period. You were wonderful! I've bought my own copy of The Power of Now and read it daily. Life changing.

Take Care,

Ruth

Yolee
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2012
Total Posts : 127
   Posted 11/8/2012 6:39 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for the response! I am glad you are doing so well!!
Thanks
Take care always!
Yolee

dencha
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 7188
   Posted 11/8/2012 7:36 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Ruth,
You are so welcome!  I'm happy I could help.  I'm also glad you're enjoying The Power of Now...I TOTALLY agree that it is life changing...a person has to be ready for the ideas it expresses, but you obviously are.  I'm so happy to hear that I have a kindred spirit!
Happy continued healing!
Denise
GERD/Heartburn Moderator
Nissen Fundoplication 2/09
Allergy/Asthma

"Whatever you fight, you strengthen, and what you resist, persists.”

“Worry pretends to be necessary but serves no useful purpose”

“Accept - then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it.”Eckhart Tolle
New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Wednesday, September 19, 2018 5:51 AM (GMT -6)
There are a total of 3,004,546 posts in 329,153 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 161744 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, csorthofeet.
247 Guest(s), 3 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
Indigo69, Lightlife, electrified