That's great about your husband being understanding. Remember to say thank you now and again for it!
I know what you mean about the meds....I forget so often and I hate swallowing so many pills. I limit the Motrin myself under the same circumstances you do. However, many of the RA meds work when taken regularly - not as needed. I forget to stay on top of taking them regularly and it does more harm than good to my body overall. These aren't meds you get addicted to, they are not pain meds that your body starts craving.
I feel for your mom, if my kids end up (G-d forbid) getting an auto-immune disease, I'll probably blame myself as well...but other than not having children at all, I can't feel guilty about how the genetic cards get dealt.