Here's my story... if anyone cares to read.
I was diagnosed with severe asthma when I was two. Throughout the years I've had some pretty bad asthma attacks, but recently since I've graduated high school and have been cut off my medical... asthma has controlled my life.
Whenever I got sick, missing so many days of school, I would run to the hospital and get my prednisone or my antibiotics, but now things are different for me. I use to end up in the hospital twice a month. I can't keep going to the hospital when I don't have the money to pay for anything. I even stopped going to my clinic because I thought there was nothing they could do. I'm twenty years old now.
I found out that I can apply for ssi from social security to try and get my medical back on and try and get my right treatment. I've always struggled with medicine not working and over the years as I've grown older... I just felt more hopeless. My doctor couldn't find out what was wrong with me and he even said that he didn't know what else to do for me. My asthma was that bad.
Well, I've applied for ssi and they denied my case, probably because I stopped going to the doctors and I've stayed away from the hospital, so I had no up to date medical record. Anyway, they gave me a breathing test and the lady said my test was unusual in people with asthma. I wasn't scoring on a level that asthma people should score. Had me thinking I had copd or something else. After that visit I had to go into the er because I suffered exacerbation and was put on prednisone. I only grew sadder. After being denied twice, I've finally did my hearing and awaiting my court date. During this time, for the past year and some months... a lot has happened. I've always suffered from depression, because I was convinced my life was this way, always sick and suffering, but it's worse.
I see things, like bugs and I suffer from anxiety. I can't sleep and I avoid everything that pertains to asthma triggers. My mental state and phobia of death has gotten so worse, that I don't go outside anymore.
I fear if I walk out that door... I'll never come back. My normal life is done and I'm at my breaking point. I take advair and I have my Ventolin pump but even then... life isn't so kind to me. My mom convinced my to go back to the doctors and they made me apply for glaxosmithkline, so they give me advair and Ventolin, but my meds never worked so great before anyway. She even told me to go see a psychiatrist. I panic a lot and I can't function. I was always too afraid to get a job cause I didn't want to die and I'm losing hope on my life. My family drills me about
not working, but they don't understand the amount of fear I hold inside.
I have an appointment with mental health in a few days to see if they can help. I spoke with an individual counselor who gave me an assumption of what my sicknesses may be. She said from what I've told her, it sounds like I have psychosis, severe depression and severe anxiety. She couldn't even talk to me though cause I haven't seen a psychiatrist, so I had to make an appointment and it's taking me months to get in. By this time, my conditions have only worsened.
Overall, I don't do anything that may give me an asthma attack. Even if it means laughing and enjoying my day. I think about
the end and if the day I have right now is my last. Will my asthma win? I'm scared for my hearing and if I'm denied at that level then I don't want to continue anymore. I don't have a life and I don't have support. I just stay to myself and I don't go out.
Is there anyone willing to talk to me?
Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 11/19/2013 5:27:44 AM (GMT-7)