What do you think about this?

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New Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 7/30/2008 9:20 PM (GMT -6)   
My grandmother has recently been placed in a nursing home due to AD. She has been there about 7 weeks now and when my mother or anyone visits her, she pleads & begs to be taken home. My mother is 70 and can no longer care for her. It is heartbreaking to see her like this. She is refusing to eat, or to do anything or participate in the activities there. Within the last 3 or 4 days, she has started refusing her medicine, and throws herself down on the floor in the nursing home. She won't sleep in her room and wanders around. When my mother goes to visit, she tantrums and yells and screams at my mother to bring her home. My mother is so distressed by this behavior that she doesn't want to visit her, but still goes twice a week. She also feels that she can't take her anywhere because she will think she's going home. I'm afraid that she won't let her come home during the holidays because it will be too hard for her to get her back there after. What are your thoughts about this? It breaks my heart that they wont bring her home for Christmas or Thanksgiving. Would this be detrimental to her getting re-acclimated back to the nursing home? Would doing this set her back? How could it get worse? She's already upset no matter what we do.
Thanks in advance for your input.

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2007
Total Posts : 182
   Posted 7/30/2008 11:54 PM (GMT -6)   
It takes time to be adjusted in a new environement. sometimes they may not even able to adjust and they expire due to depression.There's no place like home. It's more comfortable in your own home and you have peace of mind. There's a lot of home care agency who provide caregiver to take care seniors in their own home. Yoi can have background check to the caregiver you're hiring. You can request for their finger print, check her/his references, must have First aid or CPR training and health screening. But if you really can not afford to take her back  home, just visit her more often,have patience in dealing with her, don't argue instead redirect her, touch her, massage her head, listen to the music together, and convince her to join the residents activities so that she can have new friends antil she get familiar to the place.

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 397
   Posted 7/31/2008 3:50 AM (GMT -6)   

It must be almost impossible for most carers to understand the dread some people feel about being placed in a NH. Everyone is different and only those who know the loved one the best can sometimes understand what is best for them. Only now that I'm on my own and coming up to 77 do I have a great fear of being 'put away' some day. Should I ever end up with Alzheimer's I would want putting down. That may shock many people, but having seen the way my wife was treated by the so called experts I would not wish it on a dog. I consider myself to have been one very lucky man to have had the great privilege of caring for my wife up to her death. I watched her go down the same route that so many sufferes are still going down today. They reach a stage where they are put in a NH, they're lost and confused, feel abandoned, become depressed, are given medication, wont eat, lose weight, get pressure sores the slowly drift away. I rescued my wife not before time by taking her home as I thought then to die and was told as much. By showing and telling her how much I loved her and in spite of her being unable to talk or move I managed to bring her back to full physical health for almost another five years. With the best intention in the world there is no substitute for caring for your own, no NH can give the one to one care that some people require. My wife's teeth were not cleaned daily, her ears and nostrils were not attended to. When she was in hospital a nurse said: "She wont eat anything." I took a yogurt and started feeding her to the surprise of the nurse. I explained: "How do you thing your baby would feel if I was to take it from your home then tried to feed it?" The point I'm trying to make is, they need love, to feel secure, to be hugged, made to feel very special and wanted. I was asked some years ago by a psychologist "Were you told you were no good and that no one wanted you when you were placed in an institution as a child." My answer "If you send a child out to buy an ice cream and when he returns he finds a sold sign outside his house and his folk have left, he gets the magssage!" Love is the best medicine. Don't know if the above is of any use, but I'll leave you with this thought, if you think you're feeling bad, imagine how your loved one is feeling.

May your God go with you. Padraig


New Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 7/31/2008 12:14 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you for your replies. I am 200 miles away from her. My mother cannot afford to pay for in home care, that's why she had to go to a nursing home that accepts medicaid. They seem to be very nice there, and everyone tries to encourage her to take part in activities, get her hair done, etc, but she will have none of that. I was just wondering if anyone had any similar experiences and eventually their loved one became accustomed to the new living arrangements. When my grandmother was home (in the house she'd lived in for the last 15 years), she didn't recognize the place. She kept asking to go back to her mom's house, which she last lived in 70 years ago in England. I feel so bad that she is distressed all the time. She is convinced the caregivers lock her and her roommate in the building at night and leaves them alone. It is sad to see her reduced to this.

Elite Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 7/31/2008 2:44 PM (GMT -6)   
It is so hard to be seeing or hearing what is going on with your loved ones ......
Also it is hard for them to get use to being in a different environment such as the home

My dad quit eating and taking fluids near the end and there was a DNR on him and nothing could be done

My sister had gone against this dnr and I had to have him taken off life support which was so very hard for me I have to say

Please keep us posted and know that you are definitely not alone in this others have gone thru the same and I am sure they can help you out with some input

PLEASE do stay with us ...

I do care about what goes on with all that come to the board and have loved ones........

I have lost both my parents to this DD
I despise what it does to so many of our seniors and loved ones

God BLess
  DX With Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,Fibro & Other DD
                                    Donate at  www.healingwell.com
Moderator @ Alzheimer's,Co Mod @ Anxiety/ Panic,Co Mod @ Crohns 
                                    FIGHT the FIGHT with all YOU HAVE
               Look For The GOOD,Even At Your Lowest
     Listen To Your Heart,Look Inside Yourself,Understand You

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