You guys are great. It is difficult sometimes to keep a positive perspective when you are (I am) so tied to this person, 24/7/360 days a year. My brother spelled me 3 times (1.5) days this past summer. I actually spent a lot of that time trying to figure out how it was that I ended up with almost all the responsibility for my dad, and why the other two sibs were distancing themselves from us. The majority of the interaction between my brother and I is phoney, how can I help? but no follow through, if you know what I mean. I suppose the three half weekends last summer was real, but it ended so abruptly. I thought he was coming for the summer to help out when actually he was coming to work, and when that job ended in one month he packed up and went back to New York. My sister came and took my Dad away, didn't tell me she was going to, or where she was taking him, took him to a camp they'd rented about
50 miles away and wouldn't answer any of my phone calls. I had to invoke assistance from the Adult protection worker and the local police to get him home and establish some ground rules around visitation. I have no problem allowing her to come to our house and visit, or even take him for a drive, so long as she tells me when she will have him back, and not drink (as he told it, she and her Hubby broke out the beer midafternoon), he had no idea where he was or how he would ever get home, and said he was terrified when they started drinking. I know I'm whining, for that I apologize but the frustration builds up inside of me and since there is just Dad and I and the two dogs here, I sometimes feel like I'm going to explode if I don't write something, or talk to somebody. Getting the treatment for depression is helping, slowly, but at the same time the reality of the situation which I had burried deep down in the dark place, is coming to the light of day and it's hard to face. I have terrifying nightmares about
violence erupting between my sibs and I with Dad off to one side being the subject of the conflict. I also speak too freely in front of my dad about
the animosity between we three, and I know, that is wrong. However, sometimes he initiates the conversation asking "what is son up to. Why is daughter so difficult to talk to". He doesn't understand. I don't understand either. I know it is related to their feeling the loss of my dad as the person whom they could turn to for answers and help when they needed it. I feel that loss too. I see him daily so am in the middle of his decline therefore I don't notice the changes as they come to me gradually, day by day. The sibs talk to him rarely, and see him seldom, so the changes must seem abrupt and scarey. Maybe that is why they are trying to distance so. Maybe they are Mad at the Disease and they can't be mad at Dad because he is the victim and their Dad. They then can only be "Mad" with me safely. I'm not a threat, or am I? Even my pdoc asked me why they are distancing themselves so, and why if they can't physically help out, why they can't at least help a little financially, because we struggle to survive? I didn't have an answer to that question. My dad gave us four (myself, my brother, my sister, and my stepbrother) this incredible piece of real estate just five miles up the coast from where we're presently renting. I had verbal permission from all three of them to sell my share and my stepbrother's share to generate funds to relocate to a better house, that we would own, not rent. Also it would help out my stepbrother as he has a daughter with two young children, whom he'd like to set up trust funds for, and it would allow some funds to be set aside for rainy days, like today, when we (dad and I) are barely scraping by. They agreed until the surveyor was about
to divide out our side (about
33%) and then my sister blew the plan up by writing a letter to the lawyer working on the division of the property, calling me a thief and a liar, and saying Dad didn't have anything wrong with him, he was merely elderly, and I was robbing him blind. Dad was cognizant of each step along the way, as was my stepmother, and they both were totally in agreement until whamo, the whole scenario went sideways. Dad still insists we can just go ahead and survey but I've spoken to two lawyers, both of whom say it would have to be decided in the Supreme court and it would cost a fortune. Basically, they both said, we all four have to sign releases to allow a survey to take place. I know I'm long-winded but I am starting to feel a little bit better by getting this off my chest. Phew, thanks for listening.