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Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 23551
   Posted 1/5/2009 1:11 PM (GMT -6)   
During the summer before I put my gma in an assisted living center, we would take her with us to my in laws cottage on the river.  It got to the point that we couldn't take her with us anymore because she was wandering around, which was not safe due to uneven ground, and going up and down the stairs to the dock by herself.  My gma is almost blind so that didn't help things.  Before she was placed in the home, she was not on medication for her dementia and would lock herself in her room at the cottage and she would get scared because she couldn't find her way out.  Both me and my MIL had to "rescue" her on several occasions. 
So now comes the dilema.  Since she has started Namenda, she has got much better though she is not there completely yet.  She has some lucid moments.  So I took her to lunch today and she asked if I could take her to the cottage in the summer for a few days.  Normally this wouldn't bother me but the problem is that when we go to the cottage, it's not just us.  We have other family members that go.  Sometimes there is close to 10-15 of us there at a given time in a small 900sq ft house with one bathroom.  Us younger ones can make do with that but my gma is having alot of bowel issues in addition to her urine issues as well.  I don't feel it's fair to my inlaws to also to the get the brunt of my gma's dementia episodes.  She doesn't listen to anyone but me and if she doesn't like what others tell her, she "hunts" me out to "tattle" on them.  So in short, I don't feel that the cottage is the right place to take Gma to now.  But how do I explain things to her in a way that she can understand?  Are there any other alternatives that you see that may be possible? 

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Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 53
   Posted 1/13/2009 2:46 PM (GMT -6)   
i wish i had advice for you....i will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and if i think of an intelligent suggestion i willl let you know........

Elite Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/15/2009 12:30 PM (GMT -6)   
I am also kinda at a loss but I would plain out just tell her maybe next time ........that there wil perhaps be more ppl there than usual and you NEED the time to regropup with yourself and your daughter

I am not trying to sound mean hun but I really believe you do need this time without the issues she is dealing with that then fall on you

I hope you have a great time

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