Totally! I never did what you are doing, taking care of her at home. My dad did for 3 years and it was torture on him, with her fighting, struggling and constant battles. She was not like that in normal state nor was she like that in Alzheimers stage while at the home. My dad took early retirement to be with her to travel, but that didn't happen, she needed care 24/7.
I'm sorry to have made u cry. I cry when I type about my mom even to this day, and when i talk to other's about her. Really, I kept it all in to myself, thinking no one can help me deal with this and what she is going through. They don't understand unless they have someone go through it.
I'm sorry your mom is doing these things when you are trying to help her. It is extremely tough. And it will get harder, since they will be dependant on you full time for everything. While my mom was in the home, I fed her lunch sometimes or her snack and it broke my heart to feed her like she used to feed me as a child. Wiping her mouth and so on. That's why I couldn't go often to visit her. It tore me apart so badly to be in that position, when really she should be still caring for me. It's not an easy ordeal to go through, I'll tell ya that right now. It's the toughest thing to do, and the worst disease anyone should have to go through. Would never wish it on anybody. The pain and sorrow you feel and you really can't change or reverse it at all which is even harder on you emotionally and physically. I always wished I could cure my mom and bring her home again, I knew that wasn't possible and now i'm suffering terribly, missing her so much more everyday. Time is supposed to heal, but for me, I don't think it ever will. I am the only girl and the baby of the family so it's taking its toll on me for sure. Plus my mom had a difficult pregnancy with me, dying on the delivery table, then being revived to be told it was a girl (me). She was revived and saw me grow and marry, but I never gave her all that I could while she was at home, healthy. Anyway, things will be different for you, thats for sure. Your life will be anything but normal, especially with your kindness of taking care of your mom. I couldn't bear to do what you are doing, i would be more of a wreck than I already am. Keep strong!!