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SmurfyShadow
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 2386
   Posted 11/14/2010 6:25 PM (GMT -6)   
I wish my family was more supportive and helps me out more. I solely take care of my grandmother with alheimers. I also am in chemotherapy too. I get 3 to 4 hours a week alone, where someone will watch her so I can go to the hospital and do my chemotherapy. That is not enough time. I've asked family for more time off and they say "it hurts us too much to see her that way, thats why I only do thea 3 to 4 hours". Like it doesnt hurt me to see her like this? I go through it 24/7 for 6 days straight before I get the whole 3 or 4 hours off. My grandmother also has Sun downers, so her nights and days are mixed up. I am lucky to get 3 to 4 hours sleep a night. I'm tired and cranky... thanks for letting me vent.
 
smurf  

SnowyLynne
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 1539
   Posted 11/14/2010 7:20 PM (GMT -6)   
Stop asking & delegate instead......
SnowyLynne

SmurfyShadow
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 2386
   Posted 11/14/2010 7:27 PM (GMT -6)   
Ive gone as far as having protective services tell them I need more than that... I still dont get more time. The only time I got more is when I actually had a mental break down last month, and spent a week in Respite. My grandmother has started dillsions of we are trying to kill her (got to love Alheimers sometimes) and took to strangling us. Anyhow, after being strangled that day off and on, finding out a friend died, and had only slept 8 hours in 2 weeks, I got extremely depressed and thought of (well you know). I had the brains to know I did not really want that and knew I needed a break so I called my councelor. She admitted me into Respite for a week. I did great after I slept! She said it was the severe lack of sleep that brought that on. I am afraid that will happen again to me. I don't know what to do.
Don't Care Bout Nuffin No More, Guess I shouldnt even be in this world

Red_34
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 23551
   Posted 11/16/2010 8:03 AM (GMT -6)   
I'm sorry to say this because usually, at least to me, it should considered as a last resort. But it may be time to place your Gma in a home. You are suffering both mentally and physically. How can you properly care for your Gma when you are sick yourself? I know that it may be hard to consider this, I know it was for me and it tore me up.
SHERRY
Moderator-Allergies/Asthma and Alzheimer's, Co-moderator-UC
~Left sided Uc-'92**Unable to tolerate ALL mesalamines**
Colazal(9 daily)/6mp(25mgs), Allopurinol (100mgs)/Bentyl-Prilosec~allergies-Singulair/Zyrtec~Reynauds Syndrome~OA-Tylonel Arthritis~Scoliosis~Sacroilitis~Dry eye-Restasis/GAD - Klonopin (.25mgs)

SmurfyShadow
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 2386
   Posted 12/28/2010 7:11 AM (GMT -6)   
I honestly dont know how I do it, and I've had all my doctors ask how I manage to care for her at the same time. The only thing I think is driving me is my hard core ARMY side and the fact I used to work in a nursing home so I know what it is like, and personally, if I was the Alheimers patient, I sure would want my depends changed promptly instead of whenever they can and that can be 4 or more hours away. Now Grandma thinks the living room is the bathroom :S She is getting downhill fast. I dont expect her to live another 2 years. I know thats an awful thing to say, but mind you, I worked in a nursing home. I notice strange things that happen towards the end of time.
Don't Care Bout Nuffin No More, Guess I shouldnt even be in this world

caligirl2001
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 197
   Posted 12/31/2010 5:53 AM (GMT -6)   
I read this post the other night and it's taken me until now to find it again. I couldn't remember which forum I found it in. I was forum jumping, just reading different posts when I couldn't sleep. I have been thinking about you ever since. I can't imagine what it must be like to deal with what you are dealing with. I can only wish that I had a fraction of the strength you do. I also just saw your post about your thyroid in the chronic pain forum. I just want you to know that from everything I have read of your posts since joining this forum, I think you are one heck of a strong and amazing lady. The bottom of all your posts may say you don't care, but I see a very caring person. So I hope you don't mind if I offer my opinion of the situation you vent about on this post. :)

It seems to me like your whole family is used to you being the strong one and they are so wrapped up in letting you handle Grandma and their own emotions of not wanting to watch her go down hill that they can't see that you need them for once. You are sick right now too. You need your rest as part of your treatment and recovery. Four hours a week off to receive your chemo? That isn't time off. You are so generously and wonderfully caring for your Grandmother. It is time to take care of Smurfy for a bit so that you can get your strength back, kick this cancer out of your body and get back to your life. You can't do that if you are never getting a chance to rest and let your body heal.

If they won't or can't step in and help you by taking care of Grandma while you concentrate on your treatment, then maybe temporarily seeking outside help is all you can do. It doesn't necessarily have to be permanent unless you decide it needs to be because of her deterioration. I think being strangled is pretty heavy duty stuff! Maybe if you present it to your family that way? Tell them that in case they haven't noticed, you have cancer, and several other illnesses that require treatment and above all REST in order to recover, and if they are unable or unwilling to step up to the plate and help you in your time of need, then you will have no choice but to enlist outside help by temporarily having to put your Grandma in a home until you have the energy to devote to her care again. That way you are first giving them the opportunity to cowboy up, so to speak. If the won't, you at least have done all you can and can have a clear conscience. No, homes are sometimes not the most pleasant of places. But maybe family members would pitch in more and visit more if she were in a home than they do when she is in your house because they assume that when she is in your home, she has attention 24/7, but they would know this is not the case if she were in a care facility.

Just my thoughts. I may not know you in person, but I do care. You are important too. Don't dismiss your feelings and your importance. :) I know I'm just an outsider, and I don't know the whole situation, only what I can glean from your few posts here about the situation. But I can't help but think of my Grandma and what she would say if she were still alive and in this situation. She would kick my behind into next week if I jeopardized my health to take care of her. She would tell me that she had lived her life and I still had the chance at many more years and that I'd better not waste them. I know I don't know your Grandma, but I hope she would tell you the same thing mine would have if she could.

Hugs,
Melissa
Fibromyalgia, High BP, Migraines, anxiety, Non Celiac Gluten Intolerant
Current medications: Topamax, Maxalt, Lotrel, Wellbutrin

SmurfyShadow
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 2386
   Posted 1/1/2011 2:14 AM (GMT -6)   
Melissa, I got to give you credit... you are the first to mention my signature and to read through it. I suffer from depression, but not nerely as bad as it suggests. I delibertly am not posting in depression forums, as to not "shove" someone over the edge. Yes I am very gun ho, and it ticks off my doctors.

I've actually tried to get outside help, Grandmother earns too much. Heres the sad part.. She only earns $500 past the limit :( I can't afford There are only a small handful of Memory Units in my area, and all too pricely. So I'm expanding my search into nearby cities to find a Memory Unit Nursing Home to care for her that will accept Medicaid.

For me to actually start looking for a place is showing a lot. It means I am really at the end of my ropes. My mom just started to accept the fact I need more help, and sent my sister to help me one day a week. Problem is my sister is very unreliable. Its happened only once so far :S My moms reasoning for her to not help more is "It just hurts me too much to see my mom like this". I felt like smacking her and saying "and it doesn't hurt me?" But you know, I didn't because she is my mother.

I did figure out I am scared of the owl next to me LOL! Theres an owl that goes "whoo whooo WHOOO whoo" right outside in my yard and it keeps sounding like someone is going to break in LOL!. (had to give you guys a laugh)
Don't Care Bout Nuffin No More, Guess I shouldnt even be in this world
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