Posted 12/31/2010 3:53 AM (GMT -7)
I read this post the other night and it's taken me until now to find it again. I couldn't remember which forum I found it in. I was forum jumping, just reading different posts when I couldn't sleep. I have been thinking about you ever since. I can't imagine what it must be like to deal with what you are dealing with. I can only wish that I had a fraction of the strength you do. I also just saw your post about your thyroid in the chronic pain forum. I just want you to know that from everything I have read of your posts since joining this forum, I think you are one heck of a strong and amazing lady. The bottom of all your posts may say you don't care, but I see a very caring person. So I hope you don't mind if I offer my opinion of the situation you vent about on this post. :)
It seems to me like your whole family is used to you being the strong one and they are so wrapped up in letting you handle Grandma and their own emotions of not wanting to watch her go down hill that they can't see that you need them for once. You are sick right now too. You need your rest as part of your treatment and recovery. Four hours a week off to receive your chemo? That isn't time off. You are so generously and wonderfully caring for your Grandmother. It is time to take care of Smurfy for a bit so that you can get your strength back, kick this cancer out of your body and get back to your life. You can't do that if you are never getting a chance to rest and let your body heal.
If they won't or can't step in and help you by taking care of Grandma while you concentrate on your treatment, then maybe temporarily seeking outside help is all you can do. It doesn't necessarily have to be permanent unless you decide it needs to be because of her deterioration. I think being strangled is pretty heavy duty stuff! Maybe if you present it to your family that way? Tell them that in case they haven't noticed, you have cancer, and several other illnesses that require treatment and above all REST in order to recover, and if they are unable or unwilling to step up to the plate and help you in your time of need, then you will have no choice but to enlist outside help by temporarily having to put your Grandma in a home until you have the energy to devote to her care again. That way you are first giving them the opportunity to cowboy up, so to speak. If the won't, you at least have done all you can and can have a clear conscience. No, homes are sometimes not the most pleasant of places. But maybe family members would pitch in more and visit more if she were in a home than they do when she is in your house because they assume that when she is in your home, she has attention 24/7, but they would know this is not the case if she were in a care facility.
Just my thoughts. I may not know you in person, but I do care. You are important too. Don't dismiss your feelings and your importance. :) I know I'm just an outsider, and I don't know the whole situation, only what I can glean from your few posts here about the situation. But I can't help but think of my Grandma and what she would say if she were still alive and in this situation. She would kick my behind into next week if I jeopardized my health to take care of her. She would tell me that she had lived her life and I still had the chance at many more years and that I'd better not waste them. I know I don't know your Grandma, but I hope she would tell you the same thing mine would have if she could.
Fibromyalgia, High BP, Migraines, anxiety, Non Celiac Gluten Intolerant
Current medications: Topamax, Maxalt, Lotrel, Wellbutrin