No, you are not compromising her care, Only Child, by placing your mom in a special-care facility. Your mother is not the same person she was years ago, and it's a condition that grows steadily worse.
You also must guard your health as well as that of your mother. Placing her in 24-hour care enables you to have some peace in your life. You may always visit each day to make sure she is getting the proper care there, and still return home for rest and calmness. You need that very much.
I worried myself sick over the same situation, except that I was not the only child; I was the one who had the situation that permitted me to be a caretaker until Mother had to be placed in a nursing home. I had the support of my brother and sister, but Mom's care was in my hands. Alone, it is much more difficult for you personally, so provide ample time for you to recover from the stress and feelings of helplessness that occur when a parent's life is ending.
Visiting her daily if possible provides her with assurance that she is not alone and that she is still loved, despite how angry she may be with you. (Anger is a frustration of the drive for love.)You will have some comfort in knowing that you are doing the best thing possible under the circumstances. (And you still keep your eye on how she is cared for.)
Have you thought about having a psychiatrist talk to her for a little while to determine if an antidepressant might work for her anger issues? Or a tranquillizer? Strangely enough, Mother's strokes removed all anger from her.
Seeing her each day, even bringing in things like a wallpaper design that you may be planning on doing at home help keep her interested in what's happening in life outside the nursing facility. Bringing a fresh plant or flowers occasionally is appreciated, as well as a treat at times. I remember how much Mother enjoyed being wheeled out to the garden at the nursing home just to sit and look at flowers and the world outside.
Post Edited (It's Genetic) : 4/16/2012 8:31:17 AM (GMT-6)