Father very demanding with frontal lobe dementia

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2much2bear
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Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 624
   Posted 4/19/2012 3:37 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi
 
My dad has general dementia but is also affecting the front part of brain which is the personality and emotions.  His personality has erred towards being rather critical and demanding and hard to please anyway but this behaviour has increased all the more since being placed in a nursing home (due to complications of an operation by the way)  3 years ago. he now no longer walks and sits all day in his room watching TV.  He does not wish to leave the home for a trip out either but his feet slip off the footrest of a wheelchair anyway.
 
He shouts and swears and is racist towards the carers and is really impatient and hates being looked after.  he is demanding towards my mum who is now not well herself and she is always trying to placate him.  he calls her several times a day and sometimes these calls are just to complain and moan about the carers.  WE try to be caring and empathetic to him but he sometimes shouts at us if we dont do what he asks us to do. He sometimes wants me to go to the home just to pick someting up for him - he is 30 minutes drive away from me. 
 
The hardest thing is - how do you cope with a father than incessently complains and moans about being in a home/the carers/his life/ saying you are better off dead etc.  He is not depressed and enjoys his food - which he always complains about - and looks nice enough. 
 
Basically it is hard being empathetic towards him and would like some help on dealing with him without being mean or uncaring.
 
thanks. karen
 

Red_34
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Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 23551
   Posted 4/19/2012 5:55 AM (GMT -6)   
I really don't have much advice for you. I know it's hard to deal with someone who is difficult let alone one that has dementia that magnifies the issue. Does he take any medication? My gma was on Namenda and it helped with her emotional issues tremendously - she wasn't mean or anything like that, just really weepy all the time. If he is not on meds perhaps you or your mother can ask about one that can help stabilize his moods?
SHERRY
Moderator-Allergies/Asthma and Alzheimer's, Co-moderator-UC
Diagnosed Left sided UC in '92 - meds: 6mp, Colazal, Remicade and Bentyl*Unable to tolerate ALL mesalamines*, in '11 diagnosed with IBS, Diverticulosis, Fibromylagia..I also have Sacroiilitis, Scoliosis, Raynauds, OA, PA, Rosacea, Psoriasis, Dry Eye and allergies controlled by Zyrtec and Singular

SmurfyShadow
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 2386
   Posted 4/19/2012 2:21 PM (GMT -6)   
Does he take medication? I am so sorry you and your mother and family go through this.

www.alz.gov has a wonderful store for people with dementia and alz. Even telephones that do not dial out.


You got to remember that your father is basically going backwards in time. He has hallucinations. Eventually he becomes an infant trapped in an adult body.
When he is mean, he probably is going through a hallucination. And depression actually comes in hand with dementia. Perhaps a med adjustment is in order.
"The Walking Medical Mystery"

Too many Allergies / Too many RXs & DXs

A Rare Gem for Doctors and Guinee Pig
~Medical Caregiver and Doctors Worse Nightmare~

2much2bear
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 624
   Posted 4/20/2012 9:05 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for your replies etc.

No he had tried a few different meds including Aricept which have had no effect - they said it coudl be that nothing will help his mood - to talk to him he seems normal - he is just very demanding (he has always been a bit hard to please anyway) but i cant remember my childhood really and what he was like then - but my parents argued a lot.

He is not hallucinating as he is quite lucid - he has reduced people to tears due to his shouting and swearing at them when they are trying to do things for him e.g. his personal care etc - even myself or my mum if we dont do things quick enough/correctly etc... its no surpise the home want rid of him. he is not a good patient.
Karen: 50
1997: Diagnosed IBS
2003: Pelvic Floor repair
2006: STARR/ODS/diagnosed slow transit constipation
2007: Sigmoid resection made colonic inertia worse
March 2009: Total colectomy/loop ileostomy - quality of life 100%
Sept 2010: Ileostomy reversal - constipation symptoms
Aug 2011: Gastric emptying test.
I am going back to the ileostomy this year

SmurfyShadow
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 2386
   Posted 4/22/2012 2:24 AM (GMT -6)   
With my gma, we had to put her in a phsyc ward whilst she went med adjustments... perhaps you should do that, and find a med that will help. then bring him back home.
"The Walking Medical Mystery"

Too many Allergies / Too many RXs & DXs

A Rare Gem for Doctors and Guinee Pig
~Medical Caregiver and Doctors Worse Nightmare~

2much2bear
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 624
   Posted 4/23/2012 4:21 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks. My dad is in a specialist home - has been for 2 years now.. there are no others around - and this home is well known for taking people with really difficult and challenging behavioural issues. We are waiting for social services to see about another home posibly one for mental health people or something (I am in UK).

He cant walk; has no motivation to do anything apart from watch TV and eat.. he cannot even keep his feel on a wheelchair footrest and his feet drag.. so cant take him anywhere.. i have tried as much as i can to encourage him.... Its like floging a dead horse with my dad. so we just dont bother now. he hates being in a home and constantly moans about the people being useless. he is not an easy character anyway before the dementia. very hard to please and have tried everything to make his life better.
Karen: 50
1997: Diagnosed IBS
2003: Pelvic Floor repair
2006: STARR/ODS/diagnosed slow transit constipation
2007: Sigmoid resection made colonic inertia worse
March 2009: Total colectomy/loop ileostomy - quality of life 100%
Sept 2010: Ileostomy reversal - constipation symptoms
Aug 2011: Gastric emptying test.
I am going back to the ileostomy this year

2much2bear
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 624
   Posted 5/14/2012 7:27 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks a lot - tried that - he cant even get in a wheelchair anymore - cant keep his feet on the platform - i have no idea why i think it is he cannt rotate his hip joint much anymore - in any event he will not leave his room - only if it meant coming to my house - whcih he cant do anymore now for the that reason.

aja
New Member


Date Joined May 2012
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 5/22/2012 5:59 PM (GMT -6)   
my mother is getting quite mean with every one i have to take care of her and the Alzheimers leaders said it is her frustration she cant do the things she use to be able to do and at times they have clarity and it saddens them to see their self as a child and they cant get their body to do what they want it to so they get frustrated and have loosed there words so for some reason bad mean heat full words they r ember some how i believe they want you to fell just as bad as they do and they cant articulate like they had so they say things that will hurt you and the care givers here it all the time however its new to you and we take it to heart that our loved one who was so kind to us and it makes us cry and fell bad and be frustrated trying to help and then they say bad remarks it makes you ashamed in public at first because you know you or who you put in charge would never hurt them but people around them on the out side word don't know whats going on so i find my self being so frustrated that some time it makes it worse .i have found if you just step away take a deep breath it will be better crying does help and r ember she or he is not the parent that raised you the love and your memories are still their and in a flash they may r ember something to brighten your day . Can you have him transported to your home for holidays it may help doing pleasant events or get a pop bottle fill it with little trinkets and corn tape the lid and help him shake it and see how many items he can find if you get the brain moving he may do a little better

2much2bear
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 624
   Posted 5/23/2012 3:31 AM (GMT -6)   
hey thanks for your input in respect of my dad. x
Karen: 50
1997: Diagnosed IBS
2003: Pelvic Floor repair
2006: STARR/ODS/diagnosed slow transit constipation
2007: Sigmoid resection made colonic inertia worse
March 2009: Total colectomy/loop ileostomy - quality of life 100%
Sept 2010: Ileostomy reversal - constipation symptoms
Aug 2011: Gastric emptying test.
I am going back to the ileostomy this year

2much2bear
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 624
   Posted 6/29/2012 5:27 AM (GMT -6)   
IS THIS SPAM!
Karen: 50
1997: Diagnosed IBS
2003: Pelvic Floor repair
2006: STARR/ODS/diagnosed slow transit constipation
2007: Sigmoid resection made colonic inertia worse
March 2009: Total colectomy/loop ileostomy - quality of life 100%
Sept 2010: Ileostomy reversal - constipation symptoms
Aug 2011: Gastric emptying test.
I am going back to the ileostomy this year

Red_34
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 23551
   Posted 6/29/2012 5:32 AM (GMT -6)   
Yup it sure is! lol It's taken care of :)
SHERRY
Moderator-Allergies/Asthma and Alzheimer's, Co-moderator-UC
Diagnosed Left sided UC in '92 - meds: 6mp, Colazal, Remicade and Bentyl*Unable to tolerate ALL mesalamines*, in '11 diagnosed with IBS, Diverticulosis, Fibromylagia..I also have Sacroiilitis, Scoliosis, Raynauds, OA, PA, Rosacea, Psoriasis, Dry Eye and allergies controlled by Zyrtec and Singular
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