I know that coming here to Healingwell feels good yes? To have an outlet to your frustrations? But rest assured, I COMPLETELY understand. It is NOT easy to care for someone with dementia. It takes a lot of patience that is for sure.
But when someone has dementia, they are literally changed. Their whole personality is not the same. What you knew and what they are NOW can be confusing - it's also confusing for them. If a person is "evil" before dementia, dementia seems to magnify that persona. But if a person is gentle before, than they can be gentle after. Really tho it's so very individualistic depending on the person.
Do not compare one "mother" or "father" to the next - it's like saying that all the colors of blue should be cobalt. Each person is there is own person and not one person has the same personality. So, please do not compare your MIL to your parents - that is not fair to your MIL. Sad as it is to say, it is what it is.
Let me tell you my story with my grand mother: My gpa died and my Gma moved in with me, my husband and my two children. She was all there mentally but after a few months of living with us, we found out that she had bladder cancer. After surgery, chemo and radiation her mental status declined greatly. She HATED my daughter - who was only 9 at the time - and it made my daughter feel horrible (which unfortunately resulted in therapy later). But my gma LOVED my son, he could do no wrong. I also could do no wrong but she had an issue with my husband - who btw is a great, wonderful and caring man but she had it already in her mind who she loved and who she didn't.
I also was dealing with some hefty health issues (see my signature) and I found it very hard to deal with her, her health issues and the conflict of everything it entailed. I only continued on because I loved her, she was the only family I had left on my mother's side of the family. But when she started
opening doors at night, I knew that I just could not care for her anymore and with a heavy heart I had to put her an assisted living center. She passed away about
2 years after placing her.
I know you are at the end of your rope. But perhaps you can afford to find at home care for her, while you are gone or whatnot until whatever it is that you are waiting for to become effective?
But please do not take it out on her - she is not who she normally is. Doing NOTHING is part of the whole disease. Please look up dementia or Alzheimer's to educate yourself a bit more on what the symptoms are. Most times it's not because the person is lazy or anti-social - it's part of the disease unfortunately.
SHERRYModerator-Allergies/Asthma and Alzheimer's, Co-moderator-UC
Diagnosed Left sided UC in '92 - meds: 6mp, Colazal, Remicade and Bentyl*Unable to tolerate ALL mesalamines
*, in '11 diagnosed with IBS, Diverticulosis, Fibromylagia..I also have Sacroiilitis, Scoliosis, Raynauds, OA, PA, Rosacea, Psoriasis, Dry Eye and allergies controlled by Zyrtec and Singular
Post Edited (Red_34) : 10/12/2012 9:56:12 PM (GMT-6)