Henry C ............
Please don't think of what you may do or need to do for your Mother is in any way cruel. Finances may limit your choices, but let me tell you a brief story of my Mother - who was diagnosed with severe Dimentia nearly two years ago, and who did suffer with it (unknown to me) for many years prior to that:
Her first 15-months, after the diagnosis by her Primary docter, was spent at home with a 24/7 caregiver thru an insured and bonded agency. The cost of that was approximately $5000. per month - and, of course, the cost of operating her home, food, clothing and her insurance costs added another $2500. per month onto that. Mom never did get used to her having to buy groceries for the live-in caregiver ... but, I think you can picture that! And yes, medicare offered no assistance!
Nine months ago, after leaving the hospital again (from an episode at night at home) - the hospital staff Psychiatrist said she must be admitted into a facility that had registered nurses on staff - and she cannot go back home. The caregivers did not have the medeical expertise that she needed at this stage of her dimentia.
I looked at 6-places from a modest-priced nursing home ($5000.+ per month in this area) to several nicer homes with a separate dementia wing ($6000. to $7500.+ per month). What I found, and where she went, was a small facility that specialized in Dimentia and diseases affecting the mind with a maximum capacity of 60+ patients between 4-buildings. The caregivers there have been very good, and the programs very well structured with lots of small games played that excercise the mind. Encouragement to participate (not my Mothers greatest attribute) is very strong - and a patient just sitting in their room for a length of time is really not allowed. Each of the 4-small buildings has 2-building pets - typically a dog and a cat or two dogs. And the caregivers often bring their own children to work with them ... all positives to an aging mind. And - all the residents/patients have entertainment come in about 6 times a month .... in other words, somethings to live for!
This Dimentia Assisted Living home does cost about $6000. per month, and it is not available for Medicaid!!!!!!! Whereas, many of the nursing homes will have x-number of beds that are approved for Medicaid. So ....... that's where it comes down to finances. In my case, Moms money will be virtually gone in 6 to 8 more months - so her house just went on the market. When sold, it will allow her to stay another two years or so at this facility. Only then, will she go into a Medicaid facility!
Mom said for years "I will not go into a nursing home"!
Grandma (her Mom) died in a nursing home 20+ years ago!
Mom is 95 years old .... and was driving until 2-years ago!
Yep .... my Mother is "head-strong"!
Aren't they all???