Lessons I learned dealing with In Home and Facility caregivers

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interstategar
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Date Joined May 2013
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 5/12/2013 1:18 PM (GMT -7)   
The cardinal rule in my view is take all your loved one's valuebles ie jewelery, collectables, cash, checkbooks, EVERYTHING and put them in another address where caregivers don't have ANY access.
 
It doesn't matter how reputable the company is, that does background checks, people you know, that aren't immediate family members (unless they can't be trusted either.) There are people who do this type of work to steal from the helpless elderly.
 
I was my mother's legal guardian, and she had cash and my deceased father's wedding band stolen from her home,and when she moved into a nursing home, had her wedding band stolen from her finger. At her home both private caregivers, and screened employees with no record stole from within her home. In the latter, they let someone in the house to steal for them. The police never caught them. She claimed that she left the door unlocked and didn't here anyone come in. The company I hired on their contract has a clause in there to keep valuables secure or remove them from the house. I overlooked the wedding band. The cash was stolen by private independent caregivers my mother hired herslef before I became legally responsible for her care. She was stubborn and wouldn't allow me to take control until it was too late.
 
Trust no one when it comes to the above mentioned items no matter how nice they seem to your face. Most people are honest but the crooks act very normal, and friendly also. You cannot tell the difference. Trust me on this.

Bella33
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 478
   Posted 6/20/2013 4:11 PM (GMT -7)   
That is just so wrong. Yes unfortunately no one can be trusted. These crooks will get bad karma.

Gizzy'n me
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Date Joined Jun 2013
Total Posts : 1870
   Posted 6/23/2013 1:51 PM (GMT -7)   
Please take the "cardinal rule" from above seriously.
 
My Mother was diagnosed and declared with severe dimentia by her primary care doctor about 2 years ago. After leaving the hospital in early 2011, she returned home - but (by doctors requirement) only under the care of live-in caregivers thru an agency. That lasted 15-months until the last time she was admitted into the hospital after severe dreams and hysteria.
 
Since last September, she has been in an Assisted Living Home specifically for Dimentia. After just over 24-months of care - either in her own home or in the Assisted Living for Dimentia patients - her finances are dwindling down big time!!! Several months ago, I closed her safe deposit box - and earlier this week her house went on the market after fairly minimal re-work.
 
It is now, after going thru her house, that I find all of her gold bracelets that were photographed by her many years ago (from the safe deposit box) are simply GONE!!! In her last two declining years, she could have given some of them away (she was prone to buying love if you will), they could have been stolen by the caregivers - or (knowing her) she could have hidden them from the caregivers, and of course, she can't remember anything about that!
 
It is sad ... but mostly because of an older virtually helpless person is at the mercy of, at times, so many greedy people. Example - I did later find out, a year ago, two of my cousins from out-of-town were each written $500. checks by my Mother as a gift. One of the cousins had a small diamond necklace that was supposed to be given to her (after my Mother died). Magically, that necklace along with the gold bracelets are all gone. In fact, I found her jewelry box last week buried in a drawer - and it was completely emptied................... so sad! 

Bella33
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 478
   Posted 6/23/2013 2:04 PM (GMT -7)   
May I ask a valid question? Where were you and other family members during this time of need?

I'm not surprised people steal from their employees who are feeble minded. They figure if the family isn't there to watch them then too bad for him or her.

The way you said sounds like your poor mom was often trying to buy people's love. Why is that do you know?

My mom also hid her jewelry during her paranoid state. To this date I still can't find a couple of pieces of expensive items and I had a catalog of her stuff. What are you going to right? The only way to prevent is not to watch out because you just don't know. The only way to prevent is to do it yourself and if it's not possible then well....

Gizzy'n me
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Date Joined Jun 2013
Total Posts : 1870
   Posted 6/23/2013 2:59 PM (GMT -7)   
To Bella33 .......
 
  Our family size is small unfortunately. My step-father passed away 18-years ago, and my Mothers only brother (and his wife) passed away over 15-years ago. There are no other living aunts or uncles, and I have been living (and was working) out of a home over 20-miles away from Mom's house - still do live there.
  I do have one daughter, that very unfortunately, my Mother drove out of her house at dinner 21-years ago - and then got into my daughters business with her mother-in-law about 15-years ago right after the baptism of my oldest grandaughter. I'll simply leave it that my Mother had a substantial drinking problem for decades!!!!!!!!
  My youngest daughter had been away in college for most of that timeframe getting a B.A. and an M.A. And, as for me, I did actually call my Mother every day around 5pm from the time that my step-father passed away until last Summer ... yep - every day!!!
  I am battling a couple of major problems - COPD for the past 5-years, Prostate cancer first diagnosed in 2003, treated - and then it came back and spread two+ years ago - and it created a problem in both of my kidneys - so I have been in the hospital 3-times with kidney failure in the past 18-months.
   But ... I have been paying all of her bills the past three years - and have been over to her house at least weekly for three years - so the family has been very much just ME!
 
  The "buying the love" thing has been there as long as I can remember. A psychologist that I went to for months after Mom threw my daughter out of her life, said my Mother has a very low sense of self-esteem ... and that started before my existence!!!
  You don't know how often I wished I had a brother and/or a sister!!!
   

Bella33
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 478
   Posted 6/23/2013 3:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Guess what? I have an older sister and 2 older brothers. I'm the youngest and I'm still the only caregiver to my mom. You know how it goes. If you know someone is taking care of things then you leave well enough alone and go on with your life with blinders on. That's my siblings. I confronted my sister about this years ago and her solution was to send our mom to a home so we can all be free. I said hell no because I could never live with myself knowing this would be done out of convenience for us all.

My mom was a saint and always put her needs last. As a matter of fact we were always joined at the hip so her needs came last and so did mine. My sister has been married for 30 years and is pretty well off and does not need to work and her kids are out of school and in the work force. You'd think she would help me more but no. She belongs to the church and do more for them then I care to elaborate.

My brothers are totally out of the picture. Out of sight and out of mind. Growing up no one told me how my life would end up like this. My youth is gone, my propects are gone. I just take it one day at a time and ***** about every little thing I have to do extra. haha

To tell you the truth I wouldn't know how else to live my life since I've been doing it for so long. I love my mom and til death do us part.

You've had quit a long suffering life like me. I can totally relate to you and your misery. Your health is your biggest asset so hang in there and know you did everything humanly possible for your mom if not more. I applaud you!

Gizzy'n me
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2013
Total Posts : 1870
   Posted 6/23/2013 3:25 PM (GMT -7)   
To Bella33 .....
 
Thanks ................. I have tried!
 
You just proved, with what you said ... something I keep telling my Mother who always wishes she had a big family - "big families don't always work"! I'm sorry it's not working well for you.
 
Some things have been tough with her - but she is still my Mom!
 
Keep on keeping the faith!

Bella33
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 478
   Posted 6/23/2013 3:50 PM (GMT -7)   
I am a big believer of Karma. However I have yet to win the lottery and my sister still lives the good life so hmmm.....

I wish you a healthy recovery and good things will come your way.
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