I kind of hit a brick wall yesterday when going to see my mother at her "assisted living home for dimentia". But first, a little background:
Mom was living alone (at her insistance) from 1995 to mid-2011 - and was driving her car for approximately that timeframe ... until she fell in her Kitchen and could not get up. She went into the hospital for observation and when released, her doctor said she needed 24/7 care in her home. That was at the age of 93!
For the next 15-months, she did have a 24/7 caregiver living in her home - and actually kind of got used to it! I think maybe it was a daughter-like relationship for her - since the caregiver was in her mid-50's. However, during those months, Mom had three different episodes - all in the late evening - all screaming that someone was in her home trying to kill her.
The last episode was very bad, she was admitted into the psych ward of the local hospital ... and after over 4-weeks, the psychiatrist and her primary doctor both said she needed to go into a home that had nursing care or with a RN on staff. Mom's caregivers at home, were no longer able to contend with the level of dimentia - in the psychiatrists opinion.
So ... the search for a home started ... and luckily one was found within two weeks or so that specialized in dimentia patients - and that had a lot of "home-y" type of things going on there. She was moved from the hospital to the Assisted Living home last September.
I suppose the very typical reactions happened - and for months - on and off. That is, she would ask "how long am I going to be here" or "when am I going to go home"? But, gradually she did get used to many of the nice aspects of this Assisted Living home - and I saw her enjoying herself very often when visiting.
Now ... over the course of the past 26-months of care (either in her own home or in the AL home) - her savings have dwindled down to pretty low levels. For 10-months now, her old home has been vacant and has been costing $500. or so/month to just barely maintain - with taxes, insurance and basic utilities.
Since she will never be going back home, and with her money account getting smaller, her home had to be put on the market for sale. The months of May and June were spent doing fairly minor things to her home - and it went on the market a few weeks ago. The home went into contract in a short period of time - with a closing set-up for the end of this month.
First ... the money from the sale of her home will allow her to stay in her current AL home - and delay or avoid going into a Medicaid Nursing Home. Second ... it is one responsibility off my back - going to her house 3x a week the past two months and once a week for the past 18-years. I am going thru major medical problems myself - including advanced prostate cancer (2+ years), kidney failure (2+ years) and COPD (5+ years).
Yesterday, I brought over to Mom some lighter weight clothes - her request from last week-end - in the colors she asked for. She immediately got nasty with me, wanted for us to go into her room for some privacy - and then it escalated to a level I hadn't seen for at least a year.
She did make up a few innocent-type of stories (signs of her deteriorating dimentia I think) - and then (as she had been doing in the past for at least the last 15-years) complained to me that she doesn't know why she didn't have a daughter because "they do so much more for their mothers than sons do"! It's been well over a year since I've heard that criticism ... but she was telling me that over and over - for at least the past 15-years.
I did see a therapist, 18-years ago, for a number of things going on at the time - and the therapist told me my mother has been laying a guilt trip onto me since I was a kid! So ... this isn't from dimentia!
I do not have any brothers or sisters (hardly my fault) - my Mom had been married three times and was an alcoholic (also hardly my fault) - and now ... my question for me is:
"What to do"???
Any thoughts would be appreciated!