Hello...I just want to offer my support. It doesn't get any easier, but your loved one will adapt. I've lived this with my mom for 10 years (come June). I am the youngest of 6, but have always been the annointed one. I've had to make the hard decisions and the follow-through. I hold her POA, so I am legally bound to oversee her wellness and healthcare. I do this ALONE with the love and support of my husband. It's taken 20 years off my life.
When our parents can no longer live alone without risking their lives, we must make hard choices. I am of the belief that I should not sacrifice the harmony in my home. She fell in 2003, breaking her shoulder. I arranged for HH to come in. She verbally abused and threatened them. My mom has always been abusive, both physically and emotionally. Ours was not a happy home. So when she fell again in 2005, breaking her hip, there was NO WAY we were going to repeat the HH debacle.
Her surgeon told us he would only agree to the THR if she went to nursing facility. I agreed to make it happen. My siblings wanted her to go home and let me deal with her. NO. She went first into a wonderful new rehab facility where she learned to walk again. She then transitioned into a permanent resident. Oh, words can't express the battles and tears, sleepless nights. I did the right thing...No, she wasn't happy...but she was never happy anyway.
She had IMO a wonderful opportunity in a shiny new facility. The staff loved her wicked humor and salty stories. It kept them entertained, though often to the detriment of fellow residents. I was called at least weekly (principal's office) for her bullying school yard behavior. She was sent twice to psych eval...but managed to dupe them, too. She and my siblings' refusal to help made my life a living HELL.
She remained well and walking until 2-3 years ago. We'd take her out on weekends to visit in our home. She began to have mini-strokes and lose her mental faculties around 2012. Her balance declined so she needed full time wheelchair. She has good days and bad days now @ 88. She looks for her baby girl "Dixie" constantly, but rarely knows it's ME.
I will take cake for her 89th birthday on May 1st for all of the residents to celebrate in the dining hall. I bake a huge birthday cake monthly to take down for residents' group birthday celebration. Last year she threw a raging FIT and refused to attend her own party. I lost it...a lifetime of IT. I pulled myself together because I had 35 other folks who DID want to party=) I left her in her room to pout.
I live this life with her, so as not to spend the remainder of my life in REGRET. I want to KNOW in my heart that I did what was best for her. That's all any of us can do.
((Big Ole Bear Hugs))
Stage 4 Endometriosis
Radical Hysterectomy w/Ovaries removed in 1993-94
Hemorrhoid Surgery (2)
Debilitating Pelvic, Vaginal and Rectal Pain
IBS w/Constipation, Diverticulosis
Herniated Cervical and Lumbar Discs w/Nerve Compression
Arthritis, Severe Osteoarthritis, DDD, Sciatica
Severe Depression, Anxiety, Panic Attacks
SHINGLES VIRUS IN MY EYE since 6/14...NO RELIEF IN SIGHT, literally!