Will they really keep her alive?

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Zara1
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Date Joined Oct 2013
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 10/29/2013 6:21 AM (GMT -7)   
My nan is 91 and has advanced Alziemers. She has been in a special care home for nearly 2 years. She is aggressive, has no memory, doubly incontinent and is heavily medicated to calm her down when the carers have to wash her (several times a day).

This morning she fell and has fractured her hip. She is in hospital awaiting surgery this afternoon. I'm amazed they would even attempt surgery and wonder if they would ever just let her slip away while under anesthetic?

The thought of her trying to recover from this is horrendous. The home can barely cope with her anyway so she will never go back there. It seems so cruel our respected and loved elderly have to suffer like this.

Gizzy'n me
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Date Joined Jun 2013
Total Posts : 1870
   Posted 10/29/2013 7:25 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello Zara1:
 
   Watching a loved one go thru all they can go thru is cruel ... but hopefully the patient has very limited ability to understand what's going on.
   I had a grandmother, just over 20-years ago who died while in one of the more archaic homes for alzheimers. She was about 4'-11" and spitting mad with or during much of her last year in that home.
   My mother has been in an assisted living home for dementia and parkinsons for 13-months now ... after living at home for 15-months with a 24/7 caregiver. I have watched her fade, especially the past few months - not violent yet, but that could happen .... but I see fear. And I think it's fear of feeling alone. She just turned 96 last month.
   I can't imagine anyone in the health industry would just let her die ... but does she or did she have any kind of an assignment for health power of attorney? If she has a "do not recusitate (spell?)" .... it might be the best for her pain management ... and provide the least amount of guilt for any family member.
 
Best wishes to you and yours.
 
Rob and Gizzy
 

Zara1
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2013
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 10/29/2013 8:54 AM (GMT -7)   
Yes, my dad has power of attorney and she does have a do not recusitate. I just think its so crazy as if it were an animal we would have had it put to sleep. Well, its wait and see if she comes round from the op now.

Lonie
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Date Joined Feb 2005
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   Posted 10/29/2013 9:38 AM (GMT -7)   
Yes, I'm dealing with this same thing with my Mom -- she has kidney failure and sleeps all day and her back is really painful. I'm trying to talk my sister's into getting pallative care or hospice care -- after all, what are the docs going to try and do, save her? She's 85, but doctors are into saving lives, not creating comfort. At this point I'd rather see her comfortable and out of pain which is what the pallative and hospice care would do.
 
If your Dad has power of attorney and health care directive, he can step in and stop the madness. My Dad was in the hospital with advanced cancer, and they kept trying to give him blood transfusions, even though he had a do not rescuitate and no heroics. I came in one day and talked to the nurse outside the room...told them to stop. He needs comfort now, not life saving techniques. I'd rather that so-badly needed blood go to someome that was in dire straits...I know, sounds awful, but my Dad felt the same way. You are right, we are much kinder to our animals sometimes. How does your Dad feel about your Nan having the surgery?

Zara1
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Date Joined Oct 2013
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 10/30/2013 12:49 AM (GMT -7)   
Well she has survived the surgery. There are no details yet, mum and dad are going to see her tonight.

It leaves the nhs to cope with a frightened old lady who will deficate in her bed several times a day and usually takes 4 or 5 people at the care home to get her cleaned up ( she doesnt think its ger mess). Im so worried the nurses will hate her and leave her to it because shes so unpleasant, but obviously not her fault. They just dont have the staff for her. I want to phone them up to say be nice to her!

Lonie
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Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 6447
   Posted 10/30/2013 6:05 AM (GMT -7)   
Well, the surgery is done, and I hope she does well recovering, poor thing. It sounds like you are in the UK? Thinking about you and your family.

Zara1
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2013
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 10/30/2013 9:06 AM (GMT -7)   
Yes we are UK. Apparently her home may actually have her back which would be the best option as she may find something familiar in that.

Lonie
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Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 6447
   Posted 10/30/2013 9:08 AM (GMT -7)   
I certainly hope so, this must be so hard for your family. Hugs to all of you.

notsosicklygirl
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   Posted 10/31/2013 10:48 AM (GMT -7)   
I am so sorry. I hope that I am never like that. I would much rather be let to pass away.
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Zara1
New Member


Date Joined Oct 2013
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 11/17/2013 12:49 PM (GMT -7)   
Just an update.

Nan is still in hospital, refusing any medication or physio, but managing with help to get to her chair. Se seems slightly better for no doping meds although they are having to manage her behaviour gently and slowly which must be so very frustrating for the nurses who must have other things to do. Mum and dad are very pleased with the care.

We are waiting to find out where she will go as the home she was in have refused her back. She's not eating much, just snacking on a biscuit now and again. Apparently still got a firm grip in her hand though!
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