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New Member

Date Joined Jan 2014
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 1/13/2014 2:18 PM (GMT -6)   
I'm new here.
My husband has alzheimers. He had trouble with his memory for years now but was just little things that would forget. Then over 2 years ago he had a mini stroke and things got worse from there and is still getting worse. He still knows me but has had episodes where he forgets we are married. He gets to thinking he needs to go home when he is home. A couple of months ago he kept doing this and I finally one night got him into the car and took him "home" he seemed to be satisfied with that. I had to do it 6 times within a week
He had some agitation that was hard to deal with but his dr finally prescribed a med to control that
He has been getting up in the night and getting dressed thinking it is time to get up. I dont' get much sleep.
I am looking into putting him into an adult family home.
I do have a caregiver that comes four times a week and one on  sundays which has helped but it's getting harder to deal with him when no one else is here
Thanks for listening

Post Edited (Sophiekat) : 1/13/2014 3:28:42 PM (GMT-7)

Gizzy'n me
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2013
Total Posts : 1870
   Posted 1/13/2014 5:16 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello ........
   I have a similar situation with my mother, but I live a 40-mile roundtrip away from her home (or former home since it is now sold).
   I can imagine how exhausting it must be even with a part-time caregiver, at least for most of the past two years.
   My mothers demetia (so similar to alzheimers) was diagnosed around Easter of 2011, but it's clear now she had been fading for many years prior - and with the help of way too much alcohol for decades.
   She did have a full-time live-in caregiver for 15-months - expensive but needed .... as I am battling advanced cancer myself. She went thru the night fears ... and wandering thru the house - and once outside to a neighbors at 3am. She's called the police once and attempted it one other time - thinking someone was stalking her in her own home in the middle of the night.
   As it turns out, she did have more than one mini-stroke ... the third one sending her to the hospital - which then led to the hospital psychiatrist saying she cannot go back home unless she was under the full-time care of an RN. Impossible in costs!
   So she started in an Assisted Living Home - for Dementia and Parkinsons - in September of 2012. As you may know, there is a tremendous difference between Assisted Living and a Nursing Home. I looked at both ... several different ones.
   She has been there for 16-months so far. As you might know, either are very expensive. I had to sell her home last Summer. It was vacant for close to one year - with taxes, insurance and minimum utilities paid + grass-cutting. So, it cost $6k just to sit there - and she will never return to her home. She's 96 now and the dementia keeps getting worse.
   Now that the house had been sold, there is enough money to keep her at that home for close to 3-more years ... before she has to go to a medicaid nursing home ... a terrible alternative.
   As you do your research, you may be surprised how expensive either type of home is. But then, so is having a full-time caregiver in a house she was paying for. In fact, that was slightly more money living in her own home.
   Whatever you do .......... you must take some breaks away from all the depression that this viscious disease loads onto you. Your husband doesn't mean anything he's doing ..... it's this disease. Please remember that.
Rob & Gizmo

New Member

Date Joined Jan 2014
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 1/13/2014 5:35 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Rob and Gizmo,
I do take breaks as often as the caregiver is here.
I do realize it's the alzheimers and not really him doing all these things. It's just heartbreaking to see my loving husband going down hill like this. shakehead
We've had a wonderful marriage. God has truly blessed us.
Yes, caregiving is expensive. The VA is paying for the caregiving here at home, but will have to get medicaid for an adult family home or nursing  home.

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2013
Total Posts : 37
   Posted 1/15/2014 12:03 PM (GMT -6)   
This is truly heartbreaking, Sophie. Bless you for honoring your vows and becoming your husband's caretaker as his illness progressed. I'm sure it's a tremendous task at times and even though you have breaks, your mind probably isn't far away. I pray you'll have complete confidence when the time comes to transfer the bulk of his care to a facility. The grief and guilt you're experiencing sound completely natural as no couple wants to go through this transition.

My mom's dementia became more evident after my dad passed and she is in a wonderful assisted living place with regular meals, companionship, crafts, etc. Because it's a small town, friends and relatives give her regular outings. I don't get to visit often and phone calls often devolve into her childhood memories or confusion about her location. Though written for a married couple, a book that helped me was "A Promise Kept" by Robertson McQuilkin. I'm sure a library has it as it came out in 1998.

Wishing you peace and rest and dear friends to journey with you. Thanks for giving us a glimpse into your struggle. <<hugs>>
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