OMG! Al these stories are focused on housing and drugging our loved ones. Yet u all love UR elderly parents & want the very best....we will all get there sooner than u think...
I found what I thought was a great adult home for my mother thru references from the local hospital. I was assured these were safe and caring places for the elderly who need constant supervision and medication on a regular basis.
After interviewing three homes in our area my mother was happy to find one that fit her needs for privacy, her own furniture in a small area a special hospital bed and people that had the correct training and experience. I felt a great weight lifted all the worries seemed to pass.
She was glad to have every meal prepared and clean cloths etc. she was very week. I would visit evey day for the first couple of months. Then I started witnessing inappropriate behaviors by the care givers. It all started to mount up with more and more as time went by.
No one really checks on these homes on a regular basis. Once I understood the care errors I would bring mom home to stay with me for weeks then on days I could not would take her to the adult care home.
I was in the middle of moving her back in with me full time as she pasted away before I could. I still feel guilt to this day that I could have done better. Yet I know the guilt is misdirected knowing all the circumstances to late to intervene she would not remember me . Yet I became a victim of the care system just as she did.
I always wondered would she have had a better quality of life with me full time. I had spent the past 15 years taking care of all her needs. Would I be trained enough to recognize serious health issues she was facing? Or maybe I was trying to protect her from a system that was so indifferent to family care only the bottom line $$$ was needed.
If I had recognized this sooner would it had made a difference in her quality of life. I think not. I did the best I could for years until health issues were no longer within my realm of responsibility I felt unqualified to handle. I believed she was getting better care 24/7.
No one can predict the outcome under these complicated circumstances. Especially when all the ducks were in a row. The system failed. I hope I stay in my home until I pass.
We all have the best intentions. Family members at times are the most difficult to deal with as we trust them to always do the right thing. This is not always the case. Sometimes there are so many issues and family members involved the whole issue of care becomes so convoluted.
I have a stubborn streak I will never leave my home for any reason as long as I can find live in help for rent and a watchful eye of a trusted family member. Now is the time to start planning. There is great hope for a young family friend who grew up with our son, he can stay with us along with his wife rent free, to save for their new home. This is our future plan for our care. Legal papers are signed for both my husband and I. We have known and trusted this young friend for over 24 years. In fact he works as a caregiver in a group home for the past 15 years., and help around our home just as long. That is our wish and our children are fine with that decision which leaves them free to live there lives no worries about
That is our gift to our children.
"As long as there is breath there is hope, LIFE is a GIFT. "
Post Edited (Chotti) : 4/17/2014 8:11:20 PM (GMT-6)