Fears-Mother thinks I'm the other woman

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New Member

Date Joined Sep 2014
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 9/9/2014 11:42 AM (GMT -6)   
How do I deal with this. Saturday I realized that not only does she associate my face with "the other woman," but also my name. I have 5 sisters and it happens to them on occasion where mom thinks they are having an affair with dad. She even suspected one of her grand daughters. Always accusing. However, I seem to be the focus and it hurts immensely and obviously my presence hurts her, agitates her greatly, which in turn upsets my dad. Do I stay away for a couple of weeks in hopes she'll forget? Do I disguise myself? Do I use a different name? What should I do. I'm so incredibly down in the dumps about this. Saturday at a wedding reception I was standing next to my mom and my dad on the other side of her wheelchair and after about 10 minutes, one of my sisters whispered in my hear, "Dad said you need to leave." Can you imagine hearing those words? I cannot get them out of my head

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 23551
   Posted 9/9/2014 7:06 PM (GMT -6)   
I know this has got to be rough on you and even if you tell yourself that it's not really her speaking, it's still a tough blow. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do but keep trying to be there for her. It's nothing personal. She is stuck in her own little world and no matter what anybody says, it doesn't change the fact that she's not in her right mind. It's not her speaking but her dementia.

I had a bout of that with my gma, but unfortunately the victim was my then 10 year old daughter. It wasn't the other woman but my gma would always accuse my daughter of stealing. I know it's tough to deal with dementia as an adult but it's even worse for a child.

All you can really do is bite your tongue and honestly, try not to take it personal. This is not your mother speaking but an alter ego so to speak.
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Steve n Dallas
Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 4848
   Posted 9/10/2014 5:48 AM (GMT -6)   
My dad accused my sister of stealing his wallet.. She was devastated and wanted to stop helping him... Then he did the same thing to our brother which helped a little bit.

The worst that I would get was when he would CALL ME to tell me he can't find his phone.... When I asked him what he was using to CALL ME a little light bulb would go off..

So hang tight, maybe she'll get over this...
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