My name is Gina and I have taken care of my Mother who had dementia for over eight months, and she is now in a nursing facility. I know about the caregiving and the stressors.
Susie, I had my best friends fiL that did the same thing with the bathroom issue. He would go to the bathroom in the utility closet. Bless their hearts, they seem to get really confused with that, but seem to too, know that something is off. When I took care of mother she was in the beginning stages and it was so hard to tell with her what was dementia and what was her not wanting to remember. After my father passed, mother just did not want to remember, then dementia hit and she couldn't.
I don't know about the rest but momma got mean. She still is. She's a biter. She must be in the later stages, (I don't know stages) because she is aware that she is loosing her mind. she screams a lot. Or she did when she got phenomena. The hospital had to sedate her very heavily, she just screamed and screamed. It was harrowing. Incredibly stressful, for her and the family. Once momma got better she told us that she knew she was loosing her mind. At least in mom's case, she's went from one stage (or at least it's seemed) to another and back.
One thing that I do know, it's hard. It's hard work -- emotionally exhausting and mentally taxing. It takes courage and fortitude, compassion and guts. I took care of my dad for eight years. He'd had a stroke that was caused by a aneurysm in his brain. Two aneurysms really. He was a walking miracle. I cherished everyday with him.
So I understand and am here to support. God will bless each and everyone of you!!!!
Gina thank you so much for the support and sharing your story. My MIL is not mean or angry but before my own father died from the illness he was angry most of the time until he couldn't speak any more. She is just lost and sad. She knows she has memory problems and apologizes to us. She really doesn't know just how bad it is. Her personality has changed much although she is much quieter due to the fact she cannot carry on a conversation. She has "wrote" things she says over and over again. However, the other day she was in the car with my husband and adult daughter on their way to visit my FIL in the hospital. While at the hospital she held his hand but said almost nothing during the entire visit. Then, on the way home my daughter was in the backseat and carrying on a conversation with her father. All at once my MIL said, "Will you PLEASE make her stop talking!" "She has been talking ALL EVENING!" My daughter was shocked at that outburst and came home in tears. She had never had her grandmother say such a thing to her and use that tone of voice. She understood that it was the illness that made her grandmother do that but it hurt her terribly. Then, two days later her grandmother apologized to her for saying that to her. Then, I was shocked that she even remembered it had happened. My daughter is now skittish to talk with her grandmother in fear it may happen again. You are right about
how hard it is taking care of someone you love and who isn't the person you've known all your life. I'm glad you had the time with your father before he passed away. Stay in touch and thank you again for your encouraging words.