My 85 year old mother lived with my family for 5 years. The past year she started having some forgetfulness, but was ok staying home while I worked. This fall on October 19 she complained of a headache. I had a dr. appointment for her on October 23 and the dr. thought she had a sinus infection. By Sunday, October 25 she broke out with shingles on her face. I took her to the emergency room, after diagnosis and pills, I thought things would get better. After a week I realized she was not taking her noon meds, not eating lunch or answering her cell phone. I called Home Health and scheduled a RN, a bath aide, and a PT. By the end of November I couldn't leave her alone. She wouldn't and couldn't get out of bed by herself. I had to sleep on the sofa bed because she called for me in the middle of the night. I had to go back to work and made the decision to put her in a nursing home. She seemed to understand I couldn't take care of her. She was losing memory terrible. She has been in a wheelchair since 2008 and has atrophy in her legs. She has severe osteoporosis and had 8 fractured vertebrae in her back since 1998. She weighed 110 in October and lost 14 lbs in a month. She didn't want to eat and refused to take her vitamins and supplements. December 1 I put her in a nursing home where she is on hospice. I was thinking it wouldn't be long before she would pass. She always told me she didn't want to live the way she now is living. It is so sad. She wants to come home, but I can't take care of her. It takes two people to pick her up out of bed, to the commode and to the wheelchair. She can not carry a conversation. Doesn't remember much. She asks me how she can get better and I tell her the truth. There are no doctors that can make her better. Jesus is the great healer and I gave her permission to go to Jesus. I gave her Tylenol for pain, but it wasn't enough. So Hospice nurses got the order for morphine. She says she is constantly in pain and they don't do anything about
it. I found out Mom has been refusing the pain medication. I think she has so much brain loss, she can not comprehend. She fell out of the wheel chair and out of the bed. They put a monitor on her.
I have POA and she made out a living will and DNR long time ago. The quality of life is terrible. She talks, but it really isn't a complete conversation. She asks me how to make it better and how she can get out of the nursing home. I can't go see her every day and it just breaks my heart when I do. I don't know what keeps her going. She is just fading away. I am afraid she is going to end up with pneumonia and struggle to breath. It has to be easier dying in a coma than with pneumonia. I feel like I am deceiving her because I told her she could die at my house and I would be with her. She asked me what she could do and I keep saying I don't know. Can I tell her to stop eating and drinking and she will die and go to heaven to be with the great healer, Jesus? Will the nurses get concerned that I am trying to kill my mom? I know this is inevitable and she is suffering in a body that can't do what it could a year ago. It is heart breaking. The Hospice Nurses even say she is not suffering. I disagree. I know my mom in her right mind would not want to be like this. One of the nurses said we can't give her more morphine that would just kill her. This is really hard. The nurses are feeding her pureed food now and that is just enough to keep her alive. Please don't get me wrong, I love my mother very much, but I know she would not want to live like this in her right mind. I don't like this dying process, just waiting until she dies little by little.