Taking my dad out of dementia care faciity

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New Member

Date Joined Aug 2016
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 8/11/2016 5:52 PM (GMT -6)   
My dad was put in a dementia care facility a week ago when my mom went on a cruise, Everyday he asks us to take him home. We want to bring him to his lake cabin for the weekend but the facility is discouraging us because it might set him back. They have been giving him Lorazepam 3 times /day and as needed. They say to us it will get better. He pretty much takes care of himself, very healthy guy other than alzheimers. We are not concerned at all about us not being able to take care of him outside of the facility. They also have in so many words discouraged our visits. We are heartbroken! I just want the best for him. Is it better to leave him there or take him to the lake?

Steve n Dallas
Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 4835
   Posted 8/12/2016 6:08 AM (GMT -6)   
When will mom be coming back? Will he get out then?

It's funny that both of my parents can't remember that one of us kids visited yesterday but they can remembered that we abandoned them.

You're writing the checks so you get to decide how to work with dad.

On the other hand, if you take him out for the weekend and have to put him back in on Monday for another week or so, I can see how that might stress him even more.

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2011
Total Posts : 486
   Posted 8/14/2016 1:06 AM (GMT -6)   
I agree that it isn't normal for the staff to discourage your visits. No one has ever mentioned that to us even when my Mom complains about being in the Home(that she chose). We took Mom to Her home 4 times but then we stopped since she told several family members, that if she ever went to Her home again that she would never go back to the Home, where she is. I know that is true. We feel bad about
it but she has severe OA, can barely walk and her memory is awful.

As far as your Dad, if you think that he will go back to the Home after his visit to the cabin, then go for it. Just be prepared that you may end up looking after him until your Mom gets back from her cruise.
Alzheimers/Dementia is a very difficult and sad situation for all involved unfortunately. :(
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Post Edited (msOuchie) : 8/16/2016 12:19:30 AM (GMT-6)

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Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 23551
   Posted 8/14/2016 8:29 AM (GMT -6)   
When my grandmother was in the dementia ward of an assisted living center, they encouraged us to stop in frequently and if we take her out for more than a day, to just sign her out and sign a release form. They never discouraged in the least to not visit nor take her out.

I don't know, it sounds a bit strange to me that they are doing this. And to say it will get better?? Alzheimer's doesn't get better, it declines. Sounds like you might want to look into different facilities.
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Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2011
Total Posts : 486
   Posted 8/16/2016 1:16 AM (GMT -6)   
Cladue, you could take your dad other places. When we take Mom out on our visits now, we go shopping for her clothes and she likes to pick up some fruit and cookies for snacks(she doesn't want theirs). We take her to church, then to a restaurant and to another place that she would enjoy, like a museum. We took her to the park, to the beach, to visit her friend in another home and last time to a Nursery. The flowers were gorgeous and she bought one for her room. She wouldn't "plant' herself in these places since Her home is her destiny(an hour away from the Home). And she doesn't know how to call a taxi. I gave her a long list of her friends and family members to call and who visit and/or call her. They all know not to take her to Her home.
Type 1 Diabetes - Severe Rheumatoid Arthritis(RA) - Asthma - Hypounawareness - secondary Raynauds - Osteoarthritis - other stuff

Coversyl - Pantoloc(as irritation preventative) - Levemir - Indomethacin - Morphine - Salbutamol - Prednisone - Humalog - Xeljanz - Refresh Ultra - Aspirin(81 mgs.) - Cod Liver Oil Caps - Vit D other OTC

Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2016
Total Posts : 50
   Posted 8/16/2016 2:07 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Cladue:
My sympathy to you and your family with this decision!
Was this placement in a ALF while mom went on a cruise seen
as respite or this ended up being the time his room was ready?
Do you believe he needs Lorazapam three plus times per day to calm him down /decrease agitation? That seems excessive ?
Taking a family member back to their original home after moving out can making them very confused!!! Dad spending time at the ALF as much as possible . Do they have established activity directors that have programs going during the day? Usually spread out from am and pm. Where they saying your visits were Interfering with him attending activities ?

You should be able to visit family as much as you want. 10 days is too early to assess his adjustment there. 3 months is a better assessment of his progress.

I asked these questions because in mid June I placed my father in a beautiful ALF after caring for him 18 years in my home. He had been diagnosed with Dementia about 1 yr ago. With that diagnosis came daily confusion, worsening each day, increase number of falls,
He also has Parkinson's Syndrome., I quit my job. It had gotten to
The point where he absolutely could not be left alone day or night.
I paid skilled care to come in and help. My husband and I looked for ALF. We also applied for Va. Benefits under his behalf. We had assistance in completion. It took us about 1 mo. To complete. And we are still waiting to hear. It can take 4-6 months. That money can be used towards his ALF or Nursing home care.

At our ALF, they do daily activities, they have bus trips that are for non Alzheimer's patients. On the ALF floors, they do activities and bus trips for just their floors. If the mom or dad is constantly taken
From the ALF by a family member, they have no time to enjoy and build relationships.

At this time, my dad is in a Longterm Care skilled Nursing home and Rehab Unit. (which is attached to his old unit) I hope he gets strong enough to go back "to his old room in ALF". He fell 4 times in 7 weeks . That's why he is in rehab now. Good days/ bad days/ good memories and full on dementia when he doesn't remember what he had for lunch 1 HR before.

I yearn for our old relationship back! Not to be now.
Taking 1 moment at a time. I got a little of where you are coming from.


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Date Joined Oct 2006
Total Posts : 2082
   Posted 8/31/2016 9:56 AM (GMT -6)   
I know that this is a few weeks since this was posted, but I agree with others - this facility's tactics are raising a big warning flag to me. My father was in an Alzheimer's unit and they encouraged visits and the family taking him out for anything he felt like doing. The only thing that kept us from overnight visits was his need for medical equipment (for other ailments) at the unit that we couldn't take with us.

Before my father was seen by a neurologist and diagnosed, my father was put on lorazapam by my sibling's doctor, who had seen him briefly while he was staying with this sibling. He became uncontrollable and far worse, and I and another sibling took him off of it as soon as he was back with us. It may help some patients, but it made things worse for my father.
56 yr. old--CD over 44 yr. Hemi-colectomy '01; spinal cord injury '01; fistulae since '97; enteropathic arthritis, chronic pain, muscle spasms, scoliosis, rotator cuff injuries
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