Disagreements do happen with family members when it comes to a loved one's care, probably a lot more than one would imagine.
I agree with you that it would be good for your father to have a day/overnight visit if his health otherwise allows for it. It would make him feel less confined. My father's facility encouraged us taking him out for visits or just to grab a bite. It would also give you sense of what it would be like to care for him at your home before committing to fighting for him full-time. I can tell you from experience that it's much harder and more stressful than most people think it's going to be. Someone has to be watching your father 24/7. Someone will have to help bathe and feed him. Someone has to make sure he doesn't wander off or injure himself or others when he is confused or frightened.
Patients will have underlying physical ailments as their organs become affected by the disease. For example, my father's bladder became chronically infected, which in turn, ramped up his dementia. When that first happened, he urinated anywhere and everywhere in the house. He didn't know what he was doing of course, but it's difficult to handle these episodes in you own home. Keep in mind that your father isn't going to view going to your home as equivalent to going to his own home.
Please don't be too hard on your mother, especially if she had been caring for him at home all by herself or with little outside help. Remember, it takes a full-time staff of healthy, younger-than-your-mother adults to care for an Alzheimer's patient without getting fully burned out. Though it may seem like she's uncaring for placing him in a facility against his will, she is as much a victim of this unrelenting disease as he is.
You will have to decide whether it's worth the ramifications if you try to override your mother's POA. I understand your dilemma, having been there, and hope you can all come to an agreement that doesn't tear your family apart.
Post Edited (JaSanne) : 11/5/2016 5:05:57 PM (GMT-6)