help for my mother and me

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New Member

Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 4/15/2006 6:04 AM (GMT -6)   
hi I'm new, and have some questions that i hope you can help with. my father and mother where told 6 month ago that he has
the starting stages of Alzheimer's, and has been doing ok.
well now always around 5pm or so doesn't know how my mom is and waints to go find here. My mother and i what to know if there are any tips for handling this topic...thanks in advance
 for the help....john

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 1539
   Posted 4/15/2006 2:09 PM (GMT -6)   
That's what they call "sundowning".Is he on any medications for dementia?Have a frank talkwith his Dr.get answers to your questions.Who diagnosed him,Primary Dr.or Neurologist?Neurologist is the one who knows.Was he tested?OR just diagnosed by being in the for a short time?

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 8616
   Posted 4/15/2006 9:55 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi John,

I am SO sorry to hear about your dad's alzheimers.

My dad has alzheimer's also. He often asks about "his mother" when we were honest and said that "she died a long time ago" dad would cry. Now we realize that he is actually asking about "his wife". It seems that he gets all the pronouns (he/she) and the titles (mother, sister, wife, daughter) all mixed up. Most everyone is a "he" and most female family members are "his mother". He will introduce me as "his mother" and he will talk about my mom, his wife, as being "his mother".

We now know to tell him, "mom is fine, she will be home at 2:00 (or whenever she is expected home). All this confusion is very hard to take, but it is very helpful to dad if we don't correct him or try to make him understand the correct words to use.

I can tell you from experience that the more time you spend with him, the better you will become at communicating with him and helping him to enjoy the time he has left.

Dad also wants to "go home" all the time even though he is in the same house that he has lived in for 30 years. It doesn't ever help if we tell hi that he IS at home . . . often I will take him for a ride around the block and he is very content when we get back "home".

Snowy has alzheimer's herself and has cared for patients with alzheimers and she is a real pro in this forum. Lyn will be along to greet you too. She lost her mom several days ago to alzheimers, but she was also an alzheimer's nurse, so she is very helpful as well.

I hope you are able to enjoy the time that you get to spend with your dad. I cherish every minute I can and I always try to enjoy him just as he is. My wishing he wasn't afflicted with the DD wastes my energy and robs me of enjoying his company so I really try to kind of meet hi where he is at.

I am glad to meet you and glad that you are a son who spends time with his parents.

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New Member

Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 4/16/2006 5:33 AM (GMT -6)   
thank you so much for your kind words. My dad and i where not that close until 5 years ago. we where really starting to get really close when this all started to happpen.
My folks have seen a Neralagist(Bad speller here) and he's the one that told us he has AD. He was tested and is on meds, not shure whitch one i will find out.
I have suggested to my mom, that when dad dosent know you as his wife try to make friends as the person his wife left to watch him. Is this a good or bad idea?
thanks again for your help...john

Elite Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 4/16/2006 9:07 AM (GMT -6)   
johnw....Hi and Welcome to HW...I have never used distorting truths with AD peeps but I do know it is a common practice.....Mom never really had to be fibbed to lol she although striken with this DD was pretty good allll round ......I am so glad you were able to find us here there are a great group of peeps on here that will help .In my honest opinion I would ask Snowy your question as she has AD and is quite valuable to our peeps and will tell you anything you need to know .Snowy is a special lady loved by all ....please keep coming back and posting I will bump some old threads up for u .You take care and spens as much time as you can with them I did and I have just recently lost Mom ......I am hapy and fullfilled for all her and I shared her last few yrs .......God Bless......Lyn
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