Mom ......... First Christmas and Year Without You........

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Howlyncat Elite Member Date Joined Jan 2005 Total Posts : 24909	Posted 12/18/2006 6:59 AM (GMT -6)
	Mom I sat in my chair early yesterday morning Tree lights flashing and decorations all looking good I felt this tug at my heart and tears on my face ......... I know you wont be here this year With me in body ,but in Spirit for sure I hurt like hades everytime I think of you I miss you ,hearing your voice Your laugh and yes even the griping at dad lol I have never had a Christmas without you so this is all new to me and I need to find a way to have me get thru it it seems harder each day Nothing is the same No family "get togethers' ...they have all gone their way I wish it wasnt this way Mom But I know now that you Just could not stay and face another day Of pain and sadness for not remembering and drifting away ......... A few tears fell down of course as I knew I had to get off my rear as you woulld say and " get it done " For Cait and Howie,Dad and self The tears will still come but I know that is normal and I also know that you will be here with me in Spitit Everyday for the rest of my Life You left quite the legacy with your ways and your love I know you are watching me constantly Yes I know from" Up Above" Mom ...... I love and miss you so much I hung a " Special " ornament in memory of you I will take a few minutes Christmas Morning and talk to you Like I usually do I miss that more than anything and I will continue this Til I am beside you "Up There" and can talk to you In person once again and share a laugh or two Loving and missing you all the days I am More so now as the Favorite time of yours draws near I know you will be watching from up above Wishing us hope happiness and love Love and miss you Mom so much Your Loving daughter Lyn Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @ http://www.healingwell.com/donate/ Never compromise your self nor your dignity... Dream, Reach and Believe ...... When You FEEL Anothers Pain You FEEL Humbled Co Mod @ Crohns Moderator@ Alzheimer's Moderator @ Anxiety/Panic LYN Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 2/19/2007 4:18:54 PM (GMT-7) Back to Top

Howlyncat Elite Member Date Joined Jan 2005 Total Posts : 24909	Posted 12/21/2006 6:27 PM (GMT -6)
	Am spending Christmas here with Howie and Cait Dad the next day will be with us I really am missing you....... It has been hard so dang hard mom Loving you and missing you . Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @ http://www.healingwell.com/donate/ Never compromise your self nor your dignity...with that ...My God Family and Great Friends ........I have it All Dream, Reach and Believe ......You can Do It........We are Here For You Happy Holidays and all the Best in 2007 ......... God Bless .........Lyn Back to Top

Howlyncat Elite Member Date Joined Jan 2005 Total Posts : 24909	Posted 12/22/2006 6:34 PM (GMT -6)
	Am doing my best Mom to keep it together as I know thats what you would want me to do for self Howie Cait and dad Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @ http://www.healingwell.com/donate/ Never compromise your self nor your dignity...with that ...My God Family and Great Friends ........I have it All Dream, Reach and Believe ......You can Do It........We are Here For You Happy Holidays and all the Best in 2007 ......... God Bless .........Lyn Back to Top

Mooney123 Regular Member Date Joined Jun 2006 Total Posts : 240	Posted 12/22/2006 6:48 PM (GMT -6)
	Lyn: I'm so sorry for the loss of your mom. I can't imagine the loss you must feel, especially during the holidays. I hope you know she is up there looking out for you! Back to Top

Howlyncat Elite Member Date Joined Jan 2005 Total Posts : 24909	Posted 12/22/2006 8:49 PM (GMT -6)
	Mooney thanks so much you brought tears to my eyes I apprecaite your caring and kind words more than you know Yes I have lost so many loved ones in past hubby's, a child at 6 yrs of age, and grama almost 2 yrs to the day Mom passed in March ......... I think it was harder as well as my first hubby was killed on St Paddy's day 17th) and Mom was gone at 6 am on the 20 th of March ..........27 yrs later ...........it all flooded back ya know and this is my first one w/o Mom so .......... I have told Cait(daughter) that they ( her dad was sec hubby) are all looking down on us and watching all we do and that they are proud of her for her work and all her accomplishments so far I know Mom would be beaming knowing Cait was selected to be a Page at the Ontario Legislative BLDGS due to her marks and community involment Mom was right into the labor laws and all of that when she was well and worked nursing til got beat up by an orderly wanting drug cart Keys .............then in the last few yrs she developed emphysema and Alzheimers ..........I know she is in a better place but that doesnt stop the hurt ya know ** Thanks for letting me get this out Mooney I needed that so much Happy Holidays and a better 2007 for us all God Bless Lyn Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @ http://www.healingwell.com/donate/ Never compromise your self nor your dignity...with that ...My God Family and Great Friends ........I have it All Dream, Reach and Believe ......You can Do It........We are Here For You God Bless .........Lyn Make The Best of The New year .......You Can and Will Reach your Goals Loads of Love n Support Lyn Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 1/5/2007 4:50:00 AM (GMT-7) Back to Top

mrs mac Regular Member Date Joined Nov 2005 Total Posts : 163	Posted 12/22/2006 10:31 PM (GMT -6)
	lyn sending you some scottish hugs, to help you get through this!!! i know how hard it is, i feel the same way about Dad!!!! it's been 4 years now, but it doesn't make it any easier!!!! you will get through this,and you have all of us here supporting you take care sandra xxxx Back to Top

Howlyncat Elite Member Date Joined Jan 2005 Total Posts : 24909	Posted 12/22/2006 10:42 PM (GMT -6)
	My sweet sweet friend Thanks so much I am so happy you posted Yes it is hard but together we can and will get thru it You have been such a friend and support to me Thank you for being here Luvs ya God Bless Lyn Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @ http://www.healingwell.com/donate/ Never compromise your self nor your dignity...with that ...My God Family and Great Friends ........I have it All Dream, Reach and Believe ......You can Do It........We are Here For You Happy Holidays and all the Best in 2007 ......... God Bless .........Lyn Back to Top

Howlyncat Elite Member Date Joined Jan 2005 Total Posts : 24909	Posted 12/23/2006 7:42 AM (GMT -6)
	Mom used your recipe for the wonderful dinner rolls you always made I think I did them right ............Miss you Love Lyn Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @ http://www.healingwell.com/donate/ Never compromise your self nor your dignity...with that ...My God Family and Great Friends ........I have it All Dream, Reach and Believe ......You can Do It........We are Here For You God Bless .........Lyn Make The Best of The New year .......You Can and Will Reach your Goals Loads of Love n Support Lyn Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 1/5/2007 4:50:45 AM (GMT-7) Back to Top

Howlyncat Elite Member Date Joined Jan 2005 Total Posts : 24909	Posted 12/26/2006 6:58 AM (GMT -6)
	I sat and watched your video showing all or some of your life with me and the other kids as well as babes yesterday ..........It was the best thing I could have done .A peace finally came over me Love you Mom Lyn Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @ http://www.healingwell.com/donate/ Never compromise your self nor your dignity...with that ...My God Family and Great Friends ........I have it All Dream, Reach and Believe ......You can Do It........We are Here For You God Bless .........Lyn Make The Best of The New year .......You Can and Will Reach your Goals Loads of Love n Support Lyn Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 1/8/2007 6:07:12 AM (GMT-7) Back to Top

Howlyncat Elite Member Date Joined Jan 2005 Total Posts : 24909	Posted 1/4/2007 7:38 AM (GMT -6)
	I have my adopted daughter here from the USA and we watched your video together You would have loved her instantly MOm Love you Lyn Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @ http://www.healingwell.com/donate/ Never compromise your self nor your dignity...with that ...My God Family and Great Friends ........I have it All Dream, Reach and Believe ......You can Do It........We are Here For You God Bless .........Lyn Make The Best of The New year .......You Can and Will Reach your Goals Loads of Love n Support Lyn Back to Top

HabsHockeyFan Veteran Member Date Joined Jan 2006 Total Posts : 3150	Posted 1/4/2007 8:59 AM (GMT -6)
	Lyn...just visiting from the Cd board as I saw your post subject. Please know that my thoughts are with you. I had my first Christmas without Mom this year also. Mom passed in March and it has been a strange mix of feelings and thoughts since. Recognizing all the things Mom gave you in her lifetime--and I mean the memories and not the physical things--is a fantastic way to remember her. I had a hard time watching my mother in law spend Christmas with her great grandchild when my mother never met her second great grandchild who came to this Christmas---but I remembered Moms way of making christmas fun when we were little. I brought lemons and candy cane straws for everyone to try becuase Mom always had that treat for us--I made hot cocoa and toast (even though my tummy no longer likes it) and hung her favorite ornament on my tree. Keep remembering the happiness of Mom and she will live forever for both of us. Dx'd '90 (emergency rupture), symptoms ignored long before that, stable with Pentasa, '03 fistulas and bad flagyl reactions "I'm not looking back, but want to look around me now. See more of the people and the places that surround me." Back to Top

Howlyncat Elite Member Date Joined Jan 2005 Total Posts : 24909	Posted 1/5/2007 6:55 AM (GMT -6)
	Thanks so much for your post I sure do feel your loss too Yes I am keeping good things in my heart and head it is the only way I can carry on w/o her We have not been that long w/o our mom's so it is very hard at times and Christmas was the worst too for me She always loved that holiday and decorations I now look after my step dad who is going down hill and I know in my heart it wont be long either He does miss Mom so much sometimes calls me Judy by accident or perhaps because I do look like her ...... Keep well Habs and again thanks I am glad you shared with me and it does help to have the support from you I hope you will know I am here for you too Take care Lyn Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @ http://www.healingwell.com/donate/ Never compromise your self nor your dignity...with that ...My God Family and Great Friends ........I have it All Dream, Reach and Believe ......You can Do It........We are Here For You God Bless .........Lyn Make The Best of The New year .......You Can and Will Reach your Goals Loads of Love n Support Lyn Back to Top

Howlyncat Elite Member Date Joined Jan 2005 Total Posts : 24909	Posted 1/8/2007 8:08 AM (GMT -6)
	How are you making out Habs Lyn Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @ http://www.healingwell.com/donate/ Never compromise your self nor your dignity...with that ...My God Family and Great Friends ........I have it All Dream, Reach and Believe ......You can Do It........We are Here For You God Bless .........Lyn Make The Best of The New year .......You Can and Will Reach your Goals Loads of Love n Support Lyn Back to Top

Howlyncat Elite Member Date Joined Jan 2005 Total Posts : 24909	Posted 1/11/2007 5:26 AM (GMT -6)
	MOm I know you are looking down on me and I know you will not be here for my BD but I can still hear your voice so clearly calling me at 6 in the morning ........... especially on that day and saying "Happy Birthday you ole _ _ _" It makes me smile I miss you so much as you know I talk to you all the time and I believe you are answering me and no Mom I am not losing it Love you sooooooooooo Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @ http://www.healingwell.com/donate/ Never compromise your self nor your dignity...with that ...My God Family and Great Friends ........I have it All Dream, Reach and Believe ......You can Do It........We are Here For You God Bless .........Lyn Make The Best of The New year .......You Can and Will Reach your Goals Loads of Love n Support Lyn Co Mod @ Crohns Alzheimer Moderator A/P Moderator Back to Top

Howlyncat Elite Member Date Joined Jan 2005 Total Posts : 24909	Posted 1/12/2007 4:51 AM (GMT -6)
	Up alot in the night I dont want a birthday w/o you You gave me life so now you are gone why celebrate it Love ya Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @ http://www.healingwell.com/donate/ Never compromise your self nor your dignity...with that ...My God Family and Great Friends ........I have it All Dream, Reach and Believe ......You can Do It........We are Here For You God Bless .........Lyn Make The Best of The New year .......You Can and Will Reach your Goals Loads of Love n Support Lyn Co Mod @ Crohns Moderator@ Alzheimer's Moderator @ Anxiety/Panic Back to Top

HabsHockeyFan Veteran Member Date Joined Jan 2006 Total Posts : 3150	Posted 1/12/2007 12:51 PM (GMT -6)
	Lyn...sorry I have been hit and miss on the site lately. Things are OK here. I had a tough discussion with my Moms best friend after Christmas. She was a sort of role model for me growing up and I have been avoiding talking to her since Mom passed. She is a big reminder. The hardest part is she really wants to talk about Mom and I have a hard time doing that with her without getting very sloppy. The other tough thing is she is not far behind Mom---she is a bit older, but less medical issues than Mom. I just got a thank you note from her that made it even harder Mom's birthday was right before Christmas and she would have been 80. I know that to some that is a ripe old age, but I was born when she was 40 so our time together still was not as long as it could have been It's also been tough lately because Dad has stirred up a controversy. He has a girlfriend and likely had her before Mom passed. None of the 6 kids has met her, but I hear she is about MY AGE. We think she is using Dad and now I have to watch out from 90miles away for Dad's interests. Mom was so sick and they struggled the last two year, but he really messed up on this one---he wanted to bring this woman to the family only service for Mom. I am getting ready to possibly meet this "woman" this weekend for Dad's birthday and I hope I can keep it together. Thanks for checking in on me. Keep me up to date on how you are doing. Remember to keep the positive memories in full view Dx'd '90 (emergency rupture), symptoms ignored long before that, stable with Pentasa, '03 fistulas and bad flagyl reactions "I'm not looking back, but want to look around me now. See more of the people and the places that surround me." Back to Top

worrier247 Regular Member Date Joined Nov 2006 Total Posts : 97	Posted 1/12/2007 2:45 PM (GMT -6)
	Hockey Fan, good luck meeting this other 'woman'. it takes a really strong person to do so - i don't know if i'd be able to, but then again, i have never been in that situation. Lyn, my heart goes out to you both. I still have my mom, and i have to admit, the past week or so, i have no been very nice to her at all. we have both been at each other's throats but i know my attitude hasn't been the greatest. i am at my desk at work right now crying reading your posts, thinking 'what would i do without her?' i could kick myself for the way i've been to her. you never know when life can end, and seeing everything you wrote, i've realized how much i should treasure every moment i have with her. i'm sorry for the hurt you are going through. lots of hugs to you Back to Top

Howlyncat Elite Member Date Joined Jan 2005 Total Posts : 24909	Posted 1/13/2007 4:58 AM (GMT -6)
	Habs Please know I will be with you in Spirit this weekend when is your dads BD mine is today lol the big ole 53 and counting mom passed away at 65 totally uncalled for ( had me at very young age) My sister in all her wisdom decided to pull down 40 yr old wallpaper and paint whilst mom laid on couch with a touch of pneumonia and she had emphysema as well .Of course she got sicker and died in a few days THIS was the only thing my sis did for her at all I will alwyas hold her accountable ..........I know I should be able to forgive but I cannot not yet I just cant ...... Be well hun and know I really know what you are going thru Luvs Lyn Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @ http://www.healingwell.com/donate/ Never compromise your self nor your dignity...with that ...My God Family and Great Friends ........I have it All Dream, Reach and Believe ......You can Do It........We are Here For You God Bless .........Lyn Make The Best of The New year .......You Can and Will Reach your Goals Loads of Love n Support Lyn Co Mod @ Crohns Moderator@ Alzheimer's Moderator @ Anxiety/Panic Back to Top

Howlyncat Elite Member Date Joined Jan 2005 Total Posts : 24909	Posted 1/13/2007 5:02 AM (GMT -6)
	Worrier I know that since I lost hubby in 79 and my last words to him " if anything happens dont bother calling me " he was dead 15 minutes later ............I never got the chance to tell him I loved him I b** ched him out I have lived with that guilt since and always will I now make sure I say I love you have a great day to hubby and daughter prior to them going out door as you NEVER know when you will see them again and are blessed each time they walk thru this has alot to do with my a/p Yes please go and give your mom a hug hum please Once she is gone life changes so much it is not able to be put into words ...... Thanks for your suport and caring words Luvs Lyn Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @ http://www.healingwell.com/donate/ Never compromise your self nor your dignity...with that ...My God Family and Great Friends ........I have it All Dream, Reach and Believe ......You can Do It........We are Here For You God Bless .........Lyn Make The Best of The New year .......You Can and Will Reach your Goals Loads of Love n Support Lyn Co Mod @ Crohns Moderator@ Alzheimer's Moderator @ Anxiety/Panic Back to Top

HabsHockeyFan Veteran Member Date Joined Jan 2006 Total Posts : 3150	Posted 1/18/2007 12:31 PM (GMT -6)
	Wow Lyn are we connected! My Dad's BDay is 1/13 also. I always said 13 was my lucky number (Dads Bday, Mom 12/13, good outcome surgeries on the 13th). The sis issue is a tough one. I can onlytell you to try and forgive a little everyday. I am trying to get past Dad inviting his other women friend by just letting a little go each day. But I must admit she will suffer my wrath if she is using him. I am going to have to let the history go or it eats me up inside and keeps me awake at night. I still have not been able to meet the women....we couldn't go see Dad as my husband had a car accident Saturday. Just when you think things are getting easier....well he is OK and everything else can be replaced. Dx'd '90 (emergency rupture), symptoms ignored long before that, stable with Pentasa, '03 fistulas and bad flagyl reactions "I'm not looking back, but want to look around me now. See more of the people and the places that surround me." Back to Top

Howlyncat Elite Member Date Joined Jan 2005 Total Posts : 24909	Posted 1/18/2007 1:39 PM (GMT -6)
	LOL My brother who is 3 yrs younger was born on my bd as well I lit my baby buggy on fire I ahve been told all my life ......can you imagine We are akin like twins he and I but its the sil I cannot handle............. greedy ppl bother me Capricorns .....hmmm there are alot on a/p board it was so hard as mom would always call and say happy BD ya ole __ lol I know all about being awake with the feelings but I too am slowly trying to forgive if not for her for me ya know I am sure glad we have more in common than Crohns albeit the dang sadness ya know Keep in touch hun and if she is using him you do what ya gotta do I will support you 100% plus Thanks for posting hun Luvs ya God Bless Lyn Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @ http://www.healingwell.com/donate/ Never compromise your self nor your dignity...with that ...My God Family and Great Friends ........I have it All Dream, Reach and Believe ......You can Do It........We are Here For You God Bless .........Lyn Make The Best of The New year .......You Can and Will Reach your Goals Loads of Love n Support Lyn Co Mod @ Crohns Moderator@ Alzheimer's Moderator @ Anxiety/Panic Back to Top

Howlyncat Elite Member Date Joined Jan 2005 Total Posts : 24909	Posted 1/21/2007 9:21 PM (GMT -6)
	Worrier Thanks for that great input ' YES all hug your mom and your loved ones let them know you do love them No matter what as worrier said and Habs and I know first hand there just might not be another time to do so Again Worrier fantabulous and so true input 'You take care hoping things get " fixed " with you n yor mom real soon Keep us posted plz Luvs Lyn Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @ http://www.healingwell.com/donate/ Never compromise your self nor your dignity... Dream, Reach and Believe ...... Co Mod @ Crohns Moderator@ Alzheimer's Moderator @ Anxiety/Panic Back to Top

Howlyncat Elite Member Date Joined Jan 2005 Total Posts : 24909	Posted 1/25/2007 6:20 PM (GMT -6)
	bump Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @ http://www.healingwell.com/donate/ Never compromise your self nor your dignity... Dream, Reach and Believe ...... Co Mod @ Crohns Moderator@ Alzheimer's Moderator @ Anxiety/Panic Back to Top

AlwaysRosie Veteran Member Date Joined Jan 2005 Total Posts : 8616	Posted 1/26/2007 11:29 PM (GMT -6)
	Awe, Lynn . . . so sad for you sis. It's been quite a rough year for you. Sending you hugs, some hot tea and. . . Blessings! In His Grip, AlwaysRosie "We can't control the waves, but we can learn to surf!" Psalms 139 _UCTD _{(Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease),}_{Hashimoto's, Plantar Fasciitis, Inflamatory Arthritis, Carpal Tunnel both wrists,}_{High BP,}_{GI Inflamation,}_{Diverticuloses} _{RX Meds: Plaquenil, Methotrexate, Synthroid, RX Motrin, Lexapro, Amitriptelyne, Salagen, Hydrochlorothiazide, Lisinopril, Panlor SS -}_{OTC Supplements: Folic Acid, Centrum Silver, B12, B6, Calcium+D, Glucosamine, MSM, Salmon Oil, Flaxseed Oil)} _{Healing Well: Lupus Resources} _{Lupus Foundation of America (LFA) Facts and Overview: Lupus.Org} _{Criterea for Diagnosing Lupus: Lupus Criterea} _{Find a Lupus Foundation Chapter near you: Lupus Chapter Locator} Back to Top

Howlyncat Elite Member Date Joined Jan 2005 Total Posts : 24909	Posted 1/27/2007 10:13 AM (GMT -6)
	THanks sis I have been missing our cup o tea....... Drinking it now and loving it so Luvs God Bless Sis Contribute today to support Healing Well Forums...Donate @ http://www.healingwell.com/donate/ Never compromise your self nor your dignity... Dream, Reach and Believe ...... Co Mod @ Crohns Moderator@ Alzheimer's Moderator @ Anxiety/Panic Back to Top

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