Posted 3/19/2008 4:15 PM (GMT -6)
Dear Mary, Lyn and Padraig,
Welcome back from Spain, Padraig. A good vacation, especially with loved ones, never seems to last long enough. As for my knee surgery: I am never one to do things conventionally. After seeing 3 different specialists all wanting to do something different, I went with the one who recommended the least invasive procedure which was an arthroscopic removal of several bone fragments, leaving me with 3 very small incisions to keep clean and dressed, and far less painful than an open knee operation. The evidence is not all in yet as far as if this will fix the damage from my idiotic fall, but I am hopeful. Thank you for asking.
Mary, we will continue to keep in touch and I never have you out of my thoughts, or out of my search for ideas that could possibly help. I had a dream last night that I was on the ferry to Victoria to stay in a wonderful hotel my parents took us to as kids. I met you on the ferry and we talked about all this, shared a cinnamon roll, and by the end of the crossing we had a solution! Dreams can be wonderful that way........it is obviously not going to be that simple, and there is obviously nothing dream like for you. That cinnamon bun still sounds good though..
Lyn, I have to address the adoption issue, this whole biological crappola that seems to be so important to so many people. Like you, I was not born to my mom and dad. They chose me. The woman who carried me was never my mother, just a woman who was good enough to give me life, and wise enough to let me go. I met my parents when I was 2 days old. They saw me and called me their daughter immediately, although they apparently bickered a bit about which one of them got to choose the name. Mom had the last word on my older sister's name, Marilyn. Dad tried to hold mom to her word that he would get the next naming opportunity. He wanted a Cheryl, Cheryl Hope Lee to be exact. Add to that the last name and it is a mouthful! Mom took one look at the chubby 8 lb. 10 oz. yet unnamed baby and evidently told dad I looked like a Linda, like a Linda Lee. Never a couple to argue, Dad acquiesced and here I am as Linda Lee!! I never felt as though I was the daughter through default, a last resort to have a child, a substitute. I knew I was a Holman girl, with parents who owned restaurants, who were perhaps a bit older than my friends' parents, but were my mom and dad. No one has ever questioned that and I would find myself in an attack mode should anyone ever dare to insinuate that as an adopted child, I was not their "real" child. I was as real as anyone else. Many years later, through a semi-accidental way, I learned the name of the woman who gave birth to me. I found out Mom had spoken to her in regard to a health issue I was having. Reluctantly I asked Mom if she (birth mother) asked about me. Mom told me that she had not and that answered all my questions. I knew at that moment that any thoughts of ever trying to find her were now out of the question. My mom, the mom who raised me and loved me, with the dad who loved me, are my parents, even in their death.
On the 15th, 3/15, was the anniversary of my mom's death at 3:15 a.m. Yes, she made even her death easy on us in so many ways, even going so far as to make the date and time easy to remember!! She made her presence known all day: a dishtowel we both loved was nowhere to be found. She received over a dozen pieces of mail that day. I found something I had been looking for, something Mom had hidden in her last years when she developed a small paranoia that people were taking her things. It was like she led me to it. But best of all I found a half eaten, and each separate piece of chocolate half eaten, box of her favorite chocolates that Dad always got her. She would hide them, dole them out carefully, and eventually forget where she had hidden them. I found them while looking in the first aid boxes for more antibiotic ointment. She even had a little note on the top of the box: "Miriam's candy. All you people need to stay out!" I laughed and then cried.
So lyn, I know how hurtful it can be when someone challenges in any way your love from and to your dad because of the one tiny and insignificant fact that it is not a biological connection. I is a connection in all the ways that truly count. I wish you the best.
Hugs and best to all of you. Seems we are all on different paths of the same journey, with unique needs and uncertain outcomes. I want the best for all!